'People thought I was being a helicopter parent at playdates. The reason why is much more sinister.'

At 21, I'd already done so much with my life. After spending a year living overseas, I'd purchased my first investment property, I was engaged to be married and I was pregnant with my first child. It was a lot for someone so young.

I thought I had it all together and that everything was going to plan. The birth of my first son was one of the most joyful moments of my life, but it was also laced with fear.

This gorgeous little boy would bring the usual challenges of being a first-time Mum, but would also begin the unearthing of the unresolved trauma of sexual abuse from my own childhood — casting a long shadow over my parenting and leading me to operate in constant survival mode.

Watch: This Glorious Mess host Sarah Marie on tough parenting.

As a new mum, I was perpetually on edge, scanning for potential dangers and I found it nearly impossible to trust others with my child. Strangers at the park now seemed like potential perpetrators waiting in the wings.

Interactions with other parents and adults in our lives would be run through a series of questions and checklists in my head, to look for cues that they were safe adults.

This hypervigilance manifested into an overwhelming need to control every aspect of my child's environment, believing that this was the only way to ensure his safety. 

For years, I thought my hypervigilance was just good parenting. I believed that if I controlled key details of my son's life, I could protect him from the horrors I had experienced.

But the truth is, I wasn't just protecting him — I was re-parenting myself, trying to create the safety I never had as a child.

While my intentions were rooted in love, I now understand that my fear-based approach may have inadvertently limited our experiences when sharing these stages of our lives with others in our community.

Caroline Brunne pictured with her children. Image: Supplied.

Though I know now that my experience isn't unique. Child sexual abuse is disturbingly common, affecting one in six boys and one in four girls. And those children? They grow up. They become parents. Parents like me, who love their children fiercely but struggle to separate their past trauma from their present reality.

A significant shift occurred when I made the courageous decision to confront my past and embark on a healing journey. Disclosing my experiences marked the beginning of this transformative process.

Trauma-informed therapy, self-reflection, somatic practices and building a supportive community became integral to my healing. I began to understand the profound impact of the trauma on my parenting and I recognised the necessity of breaking the cycle for the sake of my children.

As I slowly pieced myself back together, I came across something that changed everything — the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. It was the idea that something good, something life-changing, could emerge from the wreckage. At first, I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could anything positive come from what I had endured?

By the time my second son was born, I had made significant strides in who I was as a woman, how I was continuing to heal and how that healing supported me as a mother. 

It is clear to me that everything changed the moment I stopped running from my past and decided to face it head-on. Speaking the truth out loud for the first time felt like standing on the edge of a cliff — terrifying, but also strangely freeing. That moment cracked something open in me, and it was the start of a long, messy, and deeply transformative journey.

Caroline now approach parenting from a place of trust rather than fear. Image: Supplied.

Therapy became a lifeline, unravelling years of survival mode that had seeped into my parenting. I started exploring somatic practices that taught me how to feel safe in my own body again, and I surrounded myself with a community that understood the weight I was carrying.

Little by little, I began to see just how much my trauma had shaped the way I parented. I wasn't just protecting my kids — I was trying to protect the child I used to be.

With the unwavering support of my husband, I felt more grounded and equipped to approach parenting from a place of trust rather than fear. I shifted my focus towards fostering open communication, teaching my boys about bodily autonomy, and encouraging them to establish, communicate and respect personal boundaries.

This approach not only empowered my children but also alleviated the constant anxiety that had previously consumed me. I learned to balance safety with trust, allowing my children to explore the world while providing them with the tools to navigate it safely.

This transformation in my parenting style has had a profound impact on our family dynamics, fostering stronger bonds and mutual respect.

What I Want Other Parents to Know

Healing my trauma didn't mean letting my guard down. It meant shifting from control to trust. It meant understanding that keeping my children safe wasn't about wrapping them in bubble wrap, it was about equipping them with knowledge, confidence, and the ability to advocate for themselves.

If you're a parent who has survived trauma, I see you. I know how terrifying it is to raise children in a world that once hurt you. But I also know that healing is possible and that when we do the work, we don't just heal ourselves, we change the future for our children.

For parents who have experienced trauma, the path to healing and its integration into parenting can be challenging yet rewarding. Here are some insights that have been instrumental in my journey:

• Prioritise Your Healing: Engage in therapy, somatic practises, support groups, or any form of trauma-informed self-care that facilitates your healing. Your well-being directly influences how you show up, especially in your home and in your parenting.

• Foster Open Communication: Create a safe space for you and your children to express their thoughts and feelings. Encourage discussions about safety, boundaries, and consent in age-appropriate ways and use real-life moments as opportunities to lead by example. You are not only teaching your children how to identify and seek safety, but you are teaching them how to be safe people in the world to others.

• Teach Bodily Autonomy: Empower your children to understand that they have control over their bodies. Reinforce that they have the right to say no and that their feelings are valid regardless of who the person is and the role they play in their life. Remember that you are their ally; support them to voice their autonomy at times when they may not be able to speak up for themselves.

• Set Thoughtful Boundaries: Establish guidelines for situations like sleepovers and playdates that align with your comfort level while considering your child's social development. Clearly communicate the reasons behind these boundaries to your children and other adults in your life to create consistency around your boundaries.

• Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with individuals who understand and respect your journey. There are many people who have survived childhood abuse who may have similar parenting styles and safety requirements. You can choose your safe adults and create your safe village to support you in raising your child.

As my boys are now teenagers and young adults, I continue this journey. I embrace the new possibilities that healing has opened up for me and my family.

Each day presents opportunities for exploration, creativity, and deeper connections. By approaching life with curiosity and openness, I am not only redefining my identity beyond my past but also modelling resilience and growth for my children.

Parenting through the lens of healing has taught me that while our past experiences shape us, they do not have to define our future. By confronting our traumas and committing to personal growth, we can create nurturing environments that empower our children and break the cycles of the past.

Healing changed my parenting. It gave me back my power, and more importantly, it gave my children theirs.

Feature: Supplied.