
I’d dragged myself out of an annihilating relationship, and scrapped myself together through therapy/coaching and intense self-improvement work, yet in my first healthy relationship, I was a mess.
What I discovered and have since been reminded of many times is this:
Healing is a cyclical, not linear, process.
This means that even if we’ve done a lot of work, things may trigger us and we’d be in the thick of needing to recover again. The frequency, duration, and intensity, at least though, lessens over time.
Watch: Horoscopes and breakups. Post continues after video.
Why people may struggle being in a healthy relationship.
I struggled because I’d never been in a healthy relationship before, and all of it felt…weird.
Others may struggle because they hadn’t had healthy relationships role models, and/or several of their previous relationships had been mentally, physically, and/or psychologically abusive. They also may have difficulty recognising healthy behaviours because they’ve been more used to unhealthy expectations and behaviours.
Others may also have issues communicating, setting boundaries, and practising self-care, or they may have negative internalised messages and beliefs, like, “I am unlovable. Every relationship I’ll be in will be toxic.”
Here are the crazy things I did in my first healthy relationship that you might be able to relate to: