'You absolutely should have sex on a first date. Here's why.'

If there’s one piece of advice I could give to any woman dating, it would be to have as much sex as you want and sleep with the people you’re dating whenever you want. 

Don’t wait for a certain amount of dates or for a certain amount of time to pass or to hit some kind of milestone. Have sex, when you want to and lots of it! (If that’s your thing.)

It’s a simple and freeing mantra and I’ve found it highly effective in my own dating life. Why? Because having sex safely and consensually is fun and if it’s with the right partner, it doesn’t drastically change your relationship.

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Honestly, sleep with a man you are attracted to straight away if you want, it’s fabulous - also it’s very time efficient. (Sometimes you even get to miss out on hearing how they injured their knee in high school and that’s why they aren’t a famous sport star now.)

I know society likes to pretend that sex is something women aren’t interested in but pretty much every woman I know with a heartbeat and a vagina would like some pleasurable stimulation from time to time. There’s a reason steamy romance novels are so popular - woman like sex and romance usually in combination, although sometimes just some good sex is nice.

Like most women I grew up with, the patriarchy telling me that sex was something I should withhold in order for men to remain interested in me. I didn’t want, under any circumstances, to be labelled as a slut. I needed to appear demure.

Particularly if I was looking for something serious - after all how would a man take me seriously if I enjoyed sex?

Obviously, when put like that it sounds utterly ridiculous - because it is utterly ridiculous. One of the great things about dating is having the opportunity to have sex with people you’re sexually attracted too and why put that off? So you can seem more virtuous? So you can keep your body count down? All of these reasons, in my opinion, are based on the idea that if a woman actively enjoys sex she should be ashamed and deprive herself. That women should limit their pleasure in order to be more palatable to men - well, no thanks.

Growing up, I gobbled up romantic comedies where the couples don’t even kiss until the end of the movie. 

Princess Bride anyone? 

Or movies where the girl that was more demure was treated like the hero. 

A Walk To Remember anyone? 

Pop culture was teaching me that if I wanted to be a respected love interest and meet the love of my life - I needed to withhold sex and I listened.

When I first started dating, and I mean actually dating, not hanging out in someone’s bedroom at their parents' house, I did my very best to withhold sex. I waited for at least three to five dates until we did the deed. This meant by the time I ended up having sex with someone, we were already partially entangled. We’d shared meals, memories and there were already some expectations involved.

If things were really serious, we may have even committed to attending a pub crawl together in the future.

Which meant if the sex was bad, or it didn’t work, or they were the kind of man that finished within three seconds or didn’t truly understand where exactly a vagina is located. I felt stuck. 

I’d invested so much time and effort and it felt cold and callous to break it off over something as simple as lacklustre sex. So instead, I’d let the relationship drag on all while being completely sexually unfulfilled until eventually it ended for some other reason. Once, because he told me my laugh was annoying! (I politely didn’t mention that I found it annoying he couldn’t find my clit.)

Ultimately, the process was completely time consuming and involved me settling. I mean no one likes the reality that perhaps Prince Charming can’t actually find your G-spot. 

So eventually I decided to stop waiting around and enter sexual relationships earlier if I felt comfortable. 

Interestingly, if I didn’t feel comfortable or particularly interested, it was an early sign that perhaps this man was not for me.

My change in tactics made dating a lot more fun. I wasn’t trying to play a strategic game balancing just the right amount of sexy without ever seeming too much. Instead, I was going on what felt right. It was a much more simple and pleasurable system. It also meant I churned through men quicker which was a good thing! 

I quickly parted ways with the men I wasn’t sexually compatible with and was able to actually focus on pursuing men that were fun to sleep with! I also had to time to do other things such as attend yoga classes and long brunches.

It goes without saying that if you don’t want to have sex with someone straight away, then you shouldn’t. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting as long as you like if that’s what you want. 

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Perhaps you need to know a man’s blood type before he goes down on you, and that’s not a bad thing. But I found all the extraneous details of people’s lives just got in the way of working out if there was actually any chemistry. It’s hard to breakup with someone because they can’t make you orgasm when you know their dog named Biscuit just died and their grandmother’s maiden name.

However, if you are not having sex because you're worried you’ll be seen as a slut if you do - let me remind you that a slut is just a social construct. 

It’s just a word the patriarchy came up with to control women and their choices and if sleeping with men makes me a slut, then fine! 

It’s very fun and freeing being a slut - it also leads to more orgasms and less boring small talk.

This mantra of having sex when I felt like it really served me well. I had some good sex, some average sex and some bad sex but it was completely on my terms and that made me always feel fabulous and free. It also didn’t get in the way of me finding a more serious relationship. 

I slept with my now boyfriend on the second date. Now we co-parent a pet chihuahua and live in a tiny terrace together. I didn’t even have to withhold sex for all of that to happen. Why? Because I met someone I liked, who liked me and the sexual chemistry was there from the very beginning. 

I know, theoretically, good things come to those who wait… but I’m busy!

You can follow Mary Rose Madigan on Instagram here.

Feature Image: Supplied.