Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Gift Guide has committed its worst sin to date.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is not a celebrity who is relatable. That's not her brand. In fact, I have never related to a single thing she has said or done.

The actress sits firmly in the aspirational category of famous people. This is especially evident in her annual Goop gift guide, which seemingly gets more bonkers every year.

Each year, Paltrow's lifestyle brand, Goop, drops a holiday gift guide and its release has become a cultural phenomenon. Mostly because it platforms loads of extreme luxury products, woo-woo wellness items, and things that are simply just rich person nonsense.

I'm talking A Portable Bidet, a clip-on device for those who can't live a single day of their life without an invigorating butt shower. Then there was a Glitter-Bomb Acrylic Ouija Board, for those who want to summon spirits, but with a bit of razzle-dazzle.

Of course, there were the 24-Karat Gold Rolling Papers for rolling boujie joints and A Real Bread Lamp made from a hollowed-out baguette coated in resin to prevent it from rotting. Festive!

Listen to the hosts of The Spill discuss the downfall of the Goop gift guide. Post continues after podcast.

And who can forget the ol' Vagina-Scented Candle (not me!), which was formally a candle named 'This Smells Like My Vagina' and became a massive bestseller, not to mention an impressive feat in modern vagina science.

I don't know why anyone would need any of this stuff, but we had fun!

But my friends, the fun is over. Paltrow has dropped her gift guide for this year and uh oh, she's gone normie. The horror.

Paltrow appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers to drop the products she is most excited about this year.

Without further ado, they are… a dry brush and a calendar. Pardon?

Watch Gwyneth Paltrow talk about the dry brush on Late Night with Seth Meyers. Post continues after video.

Umm, I'm sorry??? What the hell, Gwyn?!

I don't need to hear about Goop Beauty's Polish and Smooth Duo that costs around $110 AUD! I want to know what your vagina smells like and what bread would look like as a lamp!

For the love of God!

What else is on this godforsaken list? A stand mixer, a pillow case, Tupperware, pots, pans and tumble dryer balls. There are loads of under $100 options (the indignity!) and all the expensive stuff is just… boring.

What has become of Goop? What has become of the world?

Okay, there is only one exception on Gwyn's list: an, umm, Pasta Water Candle, which I guess is a candle made from the starchy water used to cook your spaghetti?

This is a good thing! I guess??

I'd like to return to the ancient text, okay!

Memoriessss, like the corner of my miiind. Image: Goop.

And there is, of course, the typical unnecessary whimsy of a tea towel embroidered with a galloping horse and a lighter shaped like a ram's horn because why wouldn't you need a tea towel embroidered with a galloping horse and a lighter shaped like a ram's horn?

I will remain hopeful that Gwyneth Paltrow is still in there (somewhere??) and hasn't adjusted her gift list to offer people things that they might actually buy.

This is not what we want from the actress!

So please, do wake me up when we get to 2026 and Goop announced a range of testicle-shaped wine decanters and a robotic wolf to iron your linens. That's the Gwyneth Paltrow we know and love!

Feature image: NBC.