A $15,000 vibrator and a million-dollar cabin: Mamamia recaps the 2023 Goop Gift Guide.

You know the festive season is fast approaching when Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop releases its annual holiday gift guide.

And while the guide isn’t really targeted towards us mere mortals, it’s still fun to see what the extremely wealthy are buying for their loved ones this Christmas.

Watch: Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Goop And The Kind Of Boss She Is Today. Post continues below.

This year, some major standouts include a $15,000 vibrator and a trip to the North Pole that’s so expensive, the price is only available ‘upon request’.

There is a gift guide for those searching for something under $100, because, after all, Paltrow is a woman of the people. 

But that’s no fun, so instead, we’ve picked out the most obscure, wackiest items in the 2023 Goop gift guide. So let's go through them and feel poor together.

Inez 24k Gold G-Spot Vibrator, $15,000.

Image: Goop.

Ok before I get into this 24-karat gold vibrator that costs more than a used car, can we talk about the fact that during the time of writing this article, there were only two left? So the question is, who in their right mind is buying a $15,000 vibrator!?

Anyway, this gleaming vibrator comes packaged in a luxe case, as if they’re doing us a favour. Like, excuse me, if I’m dropping that much money on something that probably works the same as its $50 equivalent, it better come in a leather box lined with velvet.

Large Pavé Oera Bracelet, $29,400.

Image: Goop.

This bracelet is apparently inspired by modernist sculpture. To be honest, I don’t really care what the story is behind it. 

If someone bought me a $30,000 bracelet, it’s going to become a permanent fixture on my arm. So, if there are any volunteers, just know that I would really appreciate it. 

Island Rental in Fiji, $39,500 a night (minimum 3-night stay).

Image: Turtle Fiji.

The minimum three-night stay is important because this island rental in Fiji doesn’t cost $39,500, instead, it'll set you back $118,500. 

It’s so worth it though, because the island is home to only 14 couples at a time who “choose to return time and time again” according to the Turtle Fiji website. 

Personally, I wouldn’t be returning. Not because I don’t want to, but because I would have sold everything I own along with my kidney to be able to go just once. But that’s just me. 

7-Day Airship Cruise to the North Pole, price upon request.

Image: OceanSky.

If a private island in Fiji isn’t really your thing and you prefer somewhere cooler then why not visit the North Pole? This trip is so expensive that you have to request the price. 

Maybe when you reach the North Pole, Santa can reimburse you for the trip. It’s the least he can do.

Custom Cabin, $200,000 - $1,000,000.

Image: DEN.

If you feel like running away into the wilderness and have a spare mill sitting in your bank account then why not buy a custom cabin? It looks like a fancier version of my dad’s shed, but hey, you’ll be away from the hustle and bustle of the city. 

Chanel Roller Skates, $5,125.

Image: Chanel.

Ok I know it’s excessive but this is one that kinda makes sense. It is Chanel after all. They’re not going to sell them at the same price point as Kmart. 

Regardless, whether you buy a $100 pair or a $5,000 pair, when you fall, you're going to graze your knees the same way, so I rather spend my money elsewhere... you know, like on rent and food. 

Hermes Cavaletti Doghouse, $1,925.

Image: Hermes.

If you love your dog, don’t buy this Hermes doghouse. Why does this doghouse look like a fort I made as a child? 

Save your coin and give your dog a house it really deserves. One that has an actual door and is made of material that can withstand anything. 

Emma Basket $695.

Image: Goop.

According to the Goop website, this basket is perfect for stashing blankets and throws, towels, kids’ toys and magazines. 

You know what other basket is great for that purpose? My Target one that I bought for $15.

Poppies and Crane Backgammon Set, $14,580.

Image: Goop.

I wish I loved backgammon enough to justify this purchase. Sadly, I don’t, but I have a feeling that even if I did, I still wouldn’t be able to look past the $15,000 price tag. 

This set is described as “part functional board game, part incredible work of art” and I’m starting to think that rich people describe things as a work of art just to hike up the cost. It’s a no from me, soz.

Hand-Painted Tulip Vase Pyramid, $16,752.

Image: Goop.

I know it costs close to $17,000, but it is hand-painted, so I get it. Artists deserve to get paid too! 

Do I have the money to buy it? No. But considering there were only three left at the time of writing, someone does, and I respect that. 

Check out Goop's 2023 gift guide here.

Feature image: Getty/Chanel/Hermes/Goop.

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