The hidden conversation happening in your closet every morning.

This article was originally published in the substack Fit Happens. It has been republished here with permission.

Tuesday morning. Seven minutes.

You're standing half-dressed, staring into the closet that looks like it should hold answers, and instead it's holding judgment.

The jeans that used to fit are whispering reminders.

The "nice top" for Zoom meetings feels too tight in the shoulders.

You reach for the dress that's safe, easy, unremarkable.

And as you do, there's a quiet thought you don't even notice forming:

"If I looked different, I'd feel better in this."

THAT, is what you are telling yourself. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

Watch: At what age does something become vintage? Post continues after video.

Most of us don't realise that getting dressed is the first conversation we have with ourselves every morning.

And it usually starts from a place of fixing:

"My arms look huge in this."

"I should hide my stomach."

"I can't wear that color, it'll draw attention."

We think we're just making practical choices. But those micro-thoughts are messages that repeat and compound. And they become the soundtrack of your self-image.

If, every morning, you're trying to fix your body, you're literally telling yourself every day that there's something wrong with it. If you tell yourself, "I can't wear that," "I could never pull that off," you're reinforcing that you're not enough to do what you want.

Once in a while, it's just self-consciousness. Every day, it becomes identity!

The repetition becomes reality.

We've all had phases where our closet feels like a crime scene: piles of clothes that used to fit, that should fit, that might fit one day.

Tags we refuse to cut off because the number on them means something it shouldn't. Outfits that we swear we'll wear when life calms down, or our bodies cooperate, or we finally "get back" to something we once were.

Except… that version of you isn't coming back. And she doesn't need to!

Our lives change. Our bodies evolve through stress, hormones, joy, grief, travel, pregnancy, perimenopause, new meds, recovery, comfort eating, healing. Change is just what bodies do.

Yet, our closets often don't evolve with us. They stay frozen in time, quietly suggesting that we are the problem.

Do that long enough, and your closet stops being a creative space.

It becomes a shrine to who you were, and a silent rejection of who you are.

But it doesn't have to stay that way.

You can get dressed from respect, not repair.

From reality, not fantasy.

From today, not "when."

Respect looks like:

• Picking clothes that fit your current body instead of punishing it with too-tight ones.

• Letting go of a size that used to make you feel successful.

• Choosing softness when you need comfort, structure when you need power.

• Saying no to "flattering" when "flattering" means "smaller."

Getting dressed with respect is key. Image: Substack.

Let's talk about "flattering".

Somewhere along the line, "flattering" became code for "it makes me look thinner." We've all said it — "This is flattering!" — like it's the ultimate compliment. But flattering isn't always empowering. Sometimes it's just shrinking.

What if "flattering" meant:

"I feel like myself and I can breathe."

What if it meant ease, alignment, agency?

Because truly, clothes are supposed to fit you.

You are not supposed to fit clothes.

Sizing is a brand's opinion, not a moral report card. That number on the tag is data, not a diagnosis. Why do we pay it so much attention? And with every brand having a different opinion, how many people are we trying to please by aiming to get into size X clothes?

The real constraints.

Of course, I know not everyone gets to dress freely.

• You might have to dress for a workplace that equates polish with professionalism.

• You might dress for cultural modesty or for safety.

• You might have kids, and the only clean thing left is whatever survived snack time.

• You might be balancing sensory sensitivity, chronic pain, or postpartum recovery.

This is real life.

But even within those constraints, there are micro-affirmations you can sneak in — a texture your skin loves, a color that lifts your mood, a ring that reminds you of your power.

You can still send yourself a signal.

Because "getting dressed with intention" isn't about luxury or rebellion. It's about reminding yourself, quietly and consistently, I get to exist comfortably in my own skin.

The nervous system of style.

This part rarely gets talked about.

Clothes touch your body all day.

They affect how you move, breathe, and regulate stress.

A waistband that digs in, a seam that scratches — it's a constant low-grade irritation your brain interprets as danger.

A soft fabric, an easy shoulder, a shoe that lets you move freely — it tells your body you're safe.

So no, comfort isn't "giving up."

It's a nervous system strategy.

It's literally self-regulation through design.

The emotional weight of money.

There's also the guilt.

The "I can't afford a full new wardrobe" guilt

The "I should be sustainable" guilt.

The "I already spent too much on clothes I never wear" guilt.

Let's reframe that too.

Respect doesn't mean overhauling everything. It can be as small as finally getting something tailored, repairing a button, or donating what no longer fits. It's about making your closet work with you, not against you.

Tiny experiments to rebuild trust.

Here are a few small, tangible ways to start dressing from respect:

The right-now rail.

Pull out 10–12 pieces that fit your current body and lifestyle. Put everything else out of sight for a month. See how it feels.

The fit-first rule.

If it digs, rides, or pinches — it's a no, no matter how "cute" it is.

The three-word wardrobe.

Pick three words that describe how you want to feel in your clothes (mine are chill, modern, commanding). Get dressed only toward those words.

Micro-affirmations.

If you can't change the dress code, change the detail — nails, texture, earrings, perfume. Remind yourself you're still you.

Retire the bullies.

You know the ones. The dress that mocks you. The jeans that lie. They don't get hanger space anymore.

A closing re-frame.

Tomorrow morning, before you reach for something "safe," pause.

Ask: "What do I want to believe about myself today?"

Then choose something that already believes it's true.

Build an outfit that you can trust. Image: Substack.

Because getting dressed isn't a chore, it's daily conditioning. Your outfit can be a mirror of self-criticism, or a practice of self-trust.

You get dressed every day.

Make sure your outfit is on your side.

To find more from Asta, you can follow her on Instagram here or read more on her Substack here.

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Feature image: Substack.