322 days.
463, 680 minutes.
That’s how long we waited to find out whether Jon Snow was dead-dead or going-to-be-brought-back-to-life-dead.
We looked for clues. We speculated. We argued. We followed Kit Harrington to the ends of the earth.
Man bun ???? #kitharington #manbun #jonsnow #gameofthrones
A photo posted by Kit Harington (@kitharingtonn) on Mar 3, 2016 at 2:50pm PST
We checked his Instagram daily for…um…clues.
But no one knew. No one knew for sure whether Jon Snow was dead for good until yesterday at approximately 11:59am Australia Eastern Standard Time, or Sunday night in the States.
This was always going to be a problem. Because the funny thing about 11:59 am is that IT’S 11:59 AM AND EVERYONE IS AT WORK.
Only a tiny demographic of people are watching Game of Thrones at 11am on a Monday. Stay at home parents perhaps. Shifts workers. Uni students who decided to stop going to Uni. The unemployed. Oh, and apparently JOURNALISTS who intend to ruin everyone’s lives so early in the goddamn week.
We can understand publications from the States writing about Game of Thrones, for an audience who just watched it too. But Australian publications? Who the hell are you writing Game of Thrones recaps for? And why are you poisoning our Facebook feeds with your unwanted, unsubtle clues?
It started innocently enough.
We all knew Game of Thrones had happened.
News.com.au posted matter of factly, “Game of Thrones recap: Season six, episode two.” “Okay”, we thought. “We won’t click on that. We haven’t seen it yet!”
But then things turned a bit more sinister. ‘SPOILERS AHEAD’, read the headlines. Wait a second… there’s really only one spoiler we’ve been holding out for…
Look, we're no Einstein's, but there's something about the words "fate of Jon Snow" that gives away, well er, everything.
Here's the maths.
In the last episode Jon Snow was dead.
He couldn't become any more dead. He was dead as could be.
So our two options were:
a) He remains dead.
b) He is no longer dead.
If he were to remain dead, then his fate was ALREADY decided. And there would have been NO SPOILERS TO DO WITH JON SNOW.
As if that wasn't obvious enough, and we weren't sitting at our desks shuddering with the after-effects of trauma/betrayal, the Internet took one final blow.
What...the f**k...is this?
In case the spoilers weren't obvious enough, here's a helpful diagram:
Are you f**king kidding?
The Daily Beast ruined Game of Thrones. Four times. In one post.
Oh, really Daily Beast? Jon Snow being alive is the worst-kept secret? THANKS TO YOU, YOU SICKOS.
This is literally what our news feed looked like yesterday.
This isn't a 'first-world problem.' Oh, no. We're really, really, genuinely upset. This (was) a matter of life and death.
But yesterday you betrayed us. And for those of you waiting to say 'there's a Game of Thrones spoiler blocker!' well, where were you yesterday? You're. Too. Bloody. Late.
Listen to The Binge discuss Game of Thrones, in the privacy of a podcast studio, where no one would hear them until they were ready. Post continues after audio...
It's not okay, and the last 30 seconds of season six, episode two of Game of Thrones is something we will never get back. No amount of cat videos will ever fill the gaping hole that should have been filled with surprise and joy, rather than apathy and rage.
So Internet, before you go posting something that has 'Don't read this!' and 'Spoilers' plastered all over it, have a long hard think. Because if you have to tell people not to read something, why are you writing it? Maybe, just maybe, the Internet isn't ready yet.
WATCH: Kit Harrington has apologised for his filthy LIES to fans:
