Kate Miller-Heidke is growing a beard downstairs for Christmas.

This Christmas, Kate Miller-Heidke would like to regrow “the greatest bush that the kingdom ever knew”.

Yes, you read that right.

So much so that she wrote a catchy song about it.

Teaming up with The Beards, Miller-Heidke has released what we’re positive is the most awesome (and inappropriate) Christmas track of all time, I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas.

Featuring glorious lines such as “growing it big, growing it thick, growing it for you” and “every back, sack and crack was attacked with wax”, this is definitely unlike any other festive tune we’ve heard.

Not that we’re complaining.

Move aside, Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, and Justin Bieber’s Under The Mistletoe, THIS is Christmas anthem perfection.

Curious? Watch below (post continues after video).

The hilarious song is for Decembeard, an annual month-long initiative that involves growing beards to raise awareness for bowel cancer. The song has been made available for download at a minimum of $2, with all money raised being donated to the cause.

According to Bowel Cancer Australia, 15,151 Australians are told they have bowel cancer every year. It is Australia’s second biggest cancer killer after lung cancer, claiming the lives of 3,980 people every year.

You can donate to the cause and purchase Kate’s latest hit here.

What’s your favourite Christmas song of all time?