Em Rusciano: Stop moaning about sexed-up Frozen costumes, wowsers.

By EM RUSCIANO

It will come as no surprise to some of you that I take costuming very seriously.

I may struggle with most other aspects of parenting (and, indeed, living) but if me or my children are in need of a themed outfit, I’ve got that shit covered.

So you can imagine my joy at discovering that sexxxy adult Frozen-themed costumes are available. Just in time for Halloween, too!

Naturally a few wowsers, who reside in No Fun Land, have come out and said things like: “Blah blah sexualising a children’s cartoon, wah wah I poo my pants, and tell children Santa isn’t real. Stop objectifying female characters.. Blah  blah, I am also the under cover fun police.”

(I may have taken some creative licence with their comments and paraphrased them slightly, but you get the gist.)

Calm down wowsers! It’s not like we’re whacking these things on our kids!

I’m not attaching a bedazzled blue-sequinned nipple tassel that shoots fake-glitter ice out the top to my seven year old’s chest and yelling, “Werk it girl!” as she heads out to gather lollies. (Mental note: Catalogue ‘bedazzled blue-sequinned nipple tassel that shoots fake-glitter ice out the top’ in my Costume Ideas Folder.)

I love the fact that there are sexy Frozen costumes for adults. I encourage, celebrate, and will most likely participate in the wearing of sexy Frozen costumes for adults.

When I read about them I felt excitement, vindication. I saw opportunity!

I don’t know about you, but I have watched that bloody film 345,000 times and can nail every bit of dialogue.

I know all the characters intimately.

Spicing this movie up can only be a good thing for those of us who have sat through ‘Do you wanna build a snowman?’ more times that we care to count. Do I wanna build a snowman? I don’t know about that, but I have fantasised about melting the DVD a couple of hundred times. Is that the same thing?

I am on a deeper level with this movie than you can ever imagine.

I worry that Elsa has undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. She’s up, she’s down, she’s locking herself away in her room for four years. Anna doesn’t escape the psychiatric evaluations either: This one CHOSE to be locked up with her sister. She could have left the castle at any time! Plus there is the whole ‘talking to the pictures on the walls’ situation.

I suspect Hans is gay and the suppression of his sexuality may be the root cause of his world domination complex.

It also angers me that no one thought to say to Olaf: “No bitch, if you go near the sun or fire you will die!”

Why shouldn’t I be able to reenact the inexplicable singing rock trolls scene that just doesn’t make any sense (you know the one where they basically tell Anna that Kristoff has intimate relations with his reindeer?) dressed like this!

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I will be bringing my own heat in this Olaf get up! Someone call an ambulance AND the fire department because I be melting myself! Hot! Hot! Hot!

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Oh hey, I think I’m just going to piss off into the woods and let you deal with the eternal winter I bought down on your arses because I look this good!

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What? Hells yes I will costume change before I build a fuck off ice castle and sing the most epic Disney ballad of all time. Let. It. Go.

Via Yandy.com

This is therapy plain and simple, getting our own back on a film the has dominated our lives. And, if you do dress up as one of the sexxxy Frozen characters and manage to get lucky, just you try and watch it again without a smile on your face!

That is a win in my book.