The pain of having a friend who always wants more than you can give.

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There is nothing quite like the pain of realising you're no longer on the same wavelength as one of your closest friends.

Maybe it happened in a single moment. You were sitting at a table in a group and you felt so far on the outskirts as you watched her fill the room with small talk.

Watch: Eight signs you're in a toxic friendship. Post continues below.

Or maybe it was a slow, gradual build. Multiple instances of disconnect that have accumulated to one insurmountable truth: you don't fit anymore.

There is nothing quite like the pain of having a friend who always wants more than you can give.

We all know her. We all have one.

She thrives on being the social coordinator, the one who brings everyone together. She wants big sweeping get-togethers, where she brings everyone she knows into a room and flits between groups like a butterfly.

When you suggest a dinner catch-up, she counters with, "Why don't we make it a thing? I'll invite Sarah and Emma and we can go to that new bottomless brunch place."

She can't understand why you'd want to see just her when you could turn it into an event. Can't understand why you may just want to catch up with Sarah, or Emma, one-on-one.

She itinerates nights out. Huffs when you don't always have something in the calendar. Gets annoyed when someone cancels suddenly (no matter if they're sick). Expects you to cater to her favours and gets irritated when you can't.

She requires more than you're able to provide, but she doesn't ever reciprocate. You would never ask her to, have never asked her to. That's not how you operate.

And so there's an imbalance at the heart of your friendship.

The guilt. It eats away at you.

Because there was a time in your life when you were that friend to her. You would lean in, help out if she was in a bind. You've known her for years, but she is now starting to ask more and more of you — worse, expects, things from you.

Your friendship has just changed. Image: Getty.

Each of those favours now comes with the unspoken expectation that saying no makes you a bad friend. If you say no to her, she sulks.

Neither of you are necessarily in the wrong.

You're just on completely different paths now.

You've reached a stage in life where you're more selective about how you spend your time, and who you spend it with.

You don't enjoy huge group gatherings in the same way. You favour (have always favoured) smaller catch-ups where you don't need to compete to be heard. Where you can actually talk and debrief with someone about how they are, how they are going.

The guilt is real, because part of you will always cherish her friendship. Honour the shared history.

But you're tired of feeling like you're constantly letting her down simply by being yourself. It's the quiet tension that sits between you during every interaction.

No one talks about how tiring it is to navigate a friendship when your social needs operate on entirely different frequencies.

You're tired of feeling like you're constantly letting her down. Image: Getty.

When you've raised things in the past, it fell flat. You felt like you were forced into a corner, had to explain why YOU are not capable of meeting HER expectations.

"I'm tired, burnout," "family stuff has been intense this week."

You're sick of having to over-explain yourself to soothe her expectations, when you're of the opinion you're just putting in place reasonable boundaries.

You've walked away from said chats feeling over-exposed, because she shares nothing substantial about her life. Everything feels surface level.

You've pulled away, stopped communicating. It's destroying the friendship.

"Is she a narcissist?" you question in frustration. Or, "am I just becoming boring?"

The mental back and forth never ends.

And this is where you need to seriously start questioning the friendship.

Time for a hard conversation?

Friendship break-ups, or re-framing, are hard — almost worse than a romantic break-up.

Psychologist Dr Anastasia Hronis outlined the signs of an unhealthy friendship in a recent episode of But Are You Happy? and outlined red flags to watch out for.

These include:

• When someone's disrespecting your boundaries.

• Not respecting your emotional limits or limits on your time and your availability.

• Really being negative and pulling the friendship down.

• A lot of criticisms; they're very critical and harsh towards you.

• They don't give you support when you feel like you need it.

• There's a lot of conflict in the friendship; maybe betrayal, maybe gossip, jealousy, dishonesty.

• And then, of course, the imbalance of effort.

Ultimately, a friendship should be questioned when values no longer align, or when one partner "wants things to be exactly on their terms."

Listen: The exact moment to walk away from a friendship. Post continues below.

Hronis suggests following the C.A.R.E. framework should you believe it's time for a hard conversation.

C stands for "choose the right time and place." There is no right answer here, but consider where and when you will raise the conversation. Avoid noisy settings such as cafés or bars.

A requires you to "acknowledge the friendship and your feelings." Don't shy away from your relationship or what you're feeling. This is where you acknowledge the friendship, the history, the good qualities of that person and what you've valued about the friendship.

R is about "relaying your reasons." You want to be heard and this is where you can lay your cards on the table. Share your reasons, whether it be why you'd like the friendship to change, or why you'd like to take a break. "I" statements are the most effective communication tool here. For instance, "I've noticed this," or "I'm feeling this."

And then E is "ending with empathy." Whether you're shutting the friendship down for good, or requesting the dynamic change — be kind about it. Lean into the difficult emotions and recognise that this might be hard for that person to hear, it might be upsetting, or it might be unwanted. Make them feel seen, and valued.

If you are sick of the mental back and forth, the pain of having a friend who expects too much, it may be time to reevaluate things.

Friendships need reciprocity. Friendships shouldn't be imbalanced. You shouldn't ever feel overexposed.

Because friendships should always be a two-way street.

Image: Getty.