'I'd never heard of a friendship "catch-up trap". Turns out, I'm in one.'

I've always been someone who deeply values time spent with friends. Give me a catch-up with the girls over brunch, wines or a cheeky dessert any day of the week.

I mean, I just went away for three weeks over Christmas and basically had separation anxiety from my friends. Quality time is my love language, okay?

But here's the thing: I've never put too much thought into what we actually DO during these catch-ups. Just seeing their faces has always been enough for me.

What I didn't realise was, I'm actually stuck in a cycle known as the "catch-up trap". And chances are, you are too.

Comedian Tanya Hennessy explored it in a column recently. As she explained, we're basically stuck in an endless loop of coffee dates or dinner catch-ups where we just talk about our separate lives. No new memories. No shared experiences. Just, "So, how's work going?" on repeat.

You know the drill. You sit down, order your coffee, and then tick off the life admin: work (busy!), dating (ugh!), family (drama!), and whatever else has happened since you last caught up.

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It's most obvious with those friends you don't see as often, and seems to be an inevitable part of adulthood.

And it makes total sense. Adult friendships are hard to coordinate. We're all juggling so much, so when we do finally see each other, it feels like every moment should be spent catching each other up on what we've missed.

Remember when hanging out with friends meant literally just… hanging out? Like, sitting in comfortable silence together or watching a movie at home? Now, it feels more like a formal meeting agenda. Next item: your love life update, please.

Don't get me wrong, I do know people who exist beyond this. But for lots of other friendships (and I'm talking about people I absolutely adore but don't see or talk to as often), there's just so much life admin to get through when we catch up, we don't get time to make new core memories.

Dr Carolyn Keenan, resident psychologist on BBC Radio 1's Life Hacks, spoke about this phenomenon last year. And it turns out, it may be linked to the overwhelm many of us are feeling.

"There's something about the more surface-level 'catch up' that feels quite protective of our resources," she told The Independent.

"The more we have to manage in our own lives, the less capacity we have to get into the deeper stuff for each other.

"We have access to so much information in our day-to-day life that it can feel like we are soaking up information about people's lives and engaging in discussions about issues all the time in one way or another. This can lead to a feeling of burnout when it comes to engaging with people, and a limitation to our willingness to really show up in social situations."

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How to escape the friendship catch-up trap.

So, how can we break free of the "catch-up trap"? Here are some things I'm planning to try:

• Get real with your friends. Share the messy stuff and get vulnerable, not just the highlights reel. If you feel closer to them, chances are they feel the same too.

• Actually do things together. Skip the standard coffee or drinks and make some memories instead. Book that pottery class. Go to that gig. Have a beach day.

• Skip the niceties and add spontaneity to conversations. Some of my closest friendships are the ones where we forego the "Hey, how are you?" and jump straight into "OMG, you'll never believe what just happened..."

• Jump on the voice note bandwagon. Or even pick up the phone! This might be easier said than done with our busy schedules, but keeping each other in the loop means less catching up on life events to do when you finally see each other.

Look, every friendship serves its purpose, and sometimes a good old-fashioned catch-up is exactly what you need. At the end of the day, we're all doing our best here.

But I'm making it my mission to create more actual memories with my friends, beyond just swapping life updates over coffee — and I challenge you to do the same. A little creativity goes a long way, and I'm sure our friends will thank us for it.

Feature image: NBC.