It was something I certainly never pictured ever happening to me: sitting in a courtroom, fighting for the right to be a full-time mother to my son, with an old friend staring me down from the witness stand as she testified against me.
My divorce from David* had been messy, to say the least. We were one of those couples who probably should have called it quits long before we did. But for the sake of our little boy, Liam*, we tried to make it work, until nothing worked. By the time we separated, I was emotionally drained, and everything felt like hard work. The only shining light was Liam.
I've never been much of a drinker, but after David moved out and all of those fierce arguments had worn me down, I was reaching for the wine bottle more often. It wasn't anything out of control, usually just a few glasses to unwind after putting Liam to bed.
Then, one night, I made a mistake that would bite me in the back. It had been a very rough day at work, with a big project falling apart at the last minute and my boss yelling at me. Then, to top it off, I found out David was seeing someone new. That news hit me very hard, just the idea of another woman stepping into my son's life, spending time with him, maybe even getting very close to him; it was too much for me to bear. So, after I put him to bed, I opened a bottle of vodka and poured myself a drink. One drink turned into two, and before I knew it, I was crouched on the kitchen floor, the bottle beside me, bawling my eyes out.
I didn't even hear David come in. He still had a key to the house at the time, and he'd dropped in to grab some of his things. He found me like that: drunk, dishevelled, and a complete babbling mess. Liam was fast asleep in his room, completely unaware, but David's face looked like he'd seen a monster. He didn't say much, just shook his head and left.
The next thing I knew, I was served with papers. David was applying for full custody of Liam. I was stunned. He accused me of having a drinking problem, claiming I was unfit to care for our son. I couldn't believe it. I had made one mistake, one night of being weak, and he was trying to use it to take Liam away from me.
The court battle was the most harrowing experience of my life. David's lawyer painted me as some sort of out-of-control alcoholic, a danger to my own child. And then, to my shock and devastation, my old friend Diana* took the stand. I hadn't seen Diana in years; we'd stayed in touch, but she moved interstate. But there she was, speaking on David's behalf. She told the court that I had always had a problem with drinking, that she had seen me drunk countless times, even before Liam was born. She said Liam would be better off living with David and that I should only have supervised visits.
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I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Diana and I had been close back in our uni days, and I was always fond of her. I thought she cared about me too. So for her to stand there and lie about me felt like a dreadful betrayal so deep. I wanted to shout, to scream, to tell everyone in that courtroom that she didn't know me anymore, that she had no idea what kind of mother I was.
Luckily, my doctor testified that I had no history of alcohol abuse and that I had always been diligent about Liam's health and well-being. My colleagues from work spoke about my dedication, my reliability, and how I had never once shown up to work under the influence or even hungover. They described me as a loving, responsible mother who adored her son.
I could feel the tide turning in my favour, but the damage had been done. Diana's lies had hurt me very badly, and I knew it would take time to heal from the betrayal. When the judge finally delivered the ruling – shared custody – I felt a wave of relief. David hadn't succeeded in taking Liam away from me, and I still had the chance to be the mother my son deserved.
Since then, I've learnt to be more cautious about who I let into my life. I've also learnt to forgive myself. I made a mistake that night in the kitchen, but it didn't define me. What defines me is the love I have for Liam, the sacrifices I've made for him, and the lengths I'm willing to go to protect him.
Diana and I haven't spoken since the trial, and I don't think we ever will. As for David, we manage to co-parent as best we can, keeping things civil for Liam's sake. I'm stronger now, more focused, and determined to give Liam a stable, loving home.
As told to Ann DeGrey
*Names have been changed due to privacy.
The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.
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