'I spent $45,000 to fly overseas and pick the sex of my baby. People always have the same question.'

The moment Melbourne mum Caitlin Bailey held her third child in her arms, she felt a rush of joy — and then, something else.

A sharp, unexpected grief.

Joy, because her baby boy was healthy and beautiful. But grief, too, for the little girl she was convinced she was carrying.

"I didn't find out the gender of my third until birth … I just truly felt that my mother's intuition told me that I was having a girl," she told Mamamia.

"I had a name for her. I had outfits. I had a name plaque made up.

"I almost felt like I was grieving a child that I thought I was having, but she never existed."

In that moment, cradling her son, Caitlin made a decision. One that would take her halfway across the world and cost her $45,000.

"I'm having another one and I'm going to make sure it's a girl," she decided.

Caitlin got her wish of having another girl. Image: Instagram/cailtin.bailey.

The missing piece.

Caitlin loved her baby boy deeply. But she couldn't shake the sense that someone was missing.

"I feel like I miss this little girl and she's not here and I need to make her a reality," she recalled telling her mother.

It wasn't a fleeting feeling. It lingered, long after the newborn haze lifted.

So, she turned to Google.

And there, she found Gender Selection Australia (GSA) — an organisation that helps Australians pursue sex-selective IVF in the United States.

GSA facilitates the process by connecting families with California-based reproductive endocrinologist Dr Daniel Potter.

Caitlin initially floated the idea with her family, half-jokingly, just to gauge their reaction. Then she booked a consultation.

"When I got off the phone… And it was this really surreal moment where I was like, "Oh my god, I can do this." If that's what I want to do, I can make that a reality," she said.

Today, Caitlin is a solo parent to three children: two boys and one girl. And she knows how much she's capable of.

"I just felt like I'm already doing everything… bedtime, bath time, meals, nappy changes, sleep routine, drop-offs, pickups," she said.

"If I really want this little person to come into our family, it's more of the same. So, what's one more? I've proven that I can do it.

"I know that it'll be a little bit of extra chaos and a little bit extra of me being dragged in different directions. But I think big picture? Adding another life into our family is well worth it."

Baby number four is due in winter. Image: Instagram/caitlin.bailey.

From Melbourne to LA.

Caitlin's quiet longing turned into action.

First came genetic blood testing in Australia, then selecting a sperm donor. After that, she travelled to Los Angeles, where her embryos were created and screened through a process called preimplantation genetic testing. That's how doctors determine the embryo's sex before implantation.

Three months later, Caitlin was back in the states for her embryo transfer.

The process wasn't cheap — it cost Caitlin about $45,000 in total. But she believes it was the most efficient and cost-effective path for her family.

"If I continued to have babies and kept having boys just to try to get a girl… that's going to cost a lot more than what I've spent," she said.

"I feel like (it was) the most responsible, most cost-effective big picture."

The ethical debate.

Sex selection remains a controversial topic in fertility medicine.

In Australia, choosing an embryo based on sex for non-medical reasons is not permitted. The only exception is when there's a risk of passing on serious genetic conditions linked to one sex — like muscular dystrophy, which primarily affects boys.

Critics warn that choosing a child's sex can reinforce gender stereotypes and shift how parents view their children — not as individuals to be unconditionally accepted, but as products tailored to preference.

Some religious and ethical frameworks argue that the practice borders on discrimination or "playing God."

Monash University human rights law professor Paula Gerber strongly opposes the practice.

Speaking to Channel Nine, she said both the United Nations and the World Health Organisation have advised against it.

"(They have) said sex selection is not allowed for mere preferences, because invariably it is a preference for sons in a lot of cultures, and that just reinforces gender stereotypes and sends that message that women and daughters are less valued," she said.

"I think choosing the sex of your child is really wrong ethically, morally and legally. It sends a message that you're only going to conditionally love this child because they are a particular sex.

"What if that child ends up being intersex or trans? Is your love for them then cease?"

Critics argue it opens the door to "designer babies".

But Caitlin sees it differently. She believes many objections are based on misconceptions, particularly the idea that embryos are being genetically engineered when they're not.

Caitlin said she believes sex selection should be legal in Australia for family balancing, a term used when parents wish to have a child of a different sex to their existing children, and said she thinks it isn't likely to cause an imbalance in Australia.

Image: Instagram/caitlin.bailey.

Caitlin has documented her journey to her 60,000 followers on social media. Most of the feedback has been supportive — but not all.

She understands it's not a choice everyone agrees with.

"At the end of the day, I just know that I'm doing this for me and my family," she said. "I'm not doing this to upset anyone or to hurt anyone."

Caitlin is now just weeks away from welcoming the daughter she once mourned — a little girl due in winter, who she says is the final piece of her family puzzle.

While the laws in Australia haven't changed, for Caitlin, this journey wasn't about crafting the "perfect" child. It was about fulfilling a quiet yearning she couldn't ignore.

And to her, it was worth every cent.

Feature image: Instagram/caitlin.bailey.