Don't think you're being manipulated? The 'flying monkey' theory might prove otherwise.

Have you ever dealt with a narcissist who seems to have everyone under their thumb?

Like somehow, you're the one being made to feel guilty, isolated, or crazy — but it's not even the narcissist saying it directly. It's everyone around them.

Trust me, you're not imagining it.

Let me introduce you to the 'flying monkey' theory.

It sounds bizarre, but for anyone who's been in the orbit of a narcissist, it makes unnerving sense.

The 'flying monkey' theory explained. Post continues after video.

Flying monkeys are the people narcissists use to do their dirty work: the ones who gaslight you on their behalf, guilt you into staying quiet, or spread just enough gossip to ruin your reputation.

The term comes from The Wizard of Oz. Yes, think creepy monkeys with wings and funny little hats.

But more importantly, the Wicked Witch didn't do all the dirty work herself — she had an army of flying monkeys to carry out her orders.

In real life, flying monkeys might be friends, family members, even mutuals who think they're "staying neutral".

Clinical psychologist Rachel Harker told Mamamia narcissists use this strategy because it helps them preserve their image as a "good person" while still enabling toxic behaviour behind the scenes.

"Narcissists are so invested in having that charming façade. They want to be perceived as charismatic, loved by people," she said. "So if they get the flying monkeys to do their dirty work, they avoid the accountability and can continue to maintain that façade."

While some narcissists might do this almost subconsciously, for many it's an intentional power play.

Sometimes, flying monkeys may not even realise they're being manipulated or that they're doing the manipulating.

"Often, flying monkeys can be like well-meaning people who actually think they're helping or being loyal to the narcissist," Rachel explained.

"Those people might not know the full context of the situation or have desire to kind of keep the peace, and they're most likely being manipulated themselves."

Being a flying monkey doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person.

"If you go back to The Wizard of Oz situation, when the witch died, the monkeys were actually celebrating and happy," Rachel said.

"It kind of proves that those monkeys weren't inherently evil, but they had been kind of groomed and conditioned over time."

The theory gets its name from The Wizard of Oz. Image: MGM Studio/Getty.

So, how does a narcissist recruit their flying monkeys? And what red flags should we be aware of?

According to Rachel, narcissists are highly skilled at spotting vulnerability — and exploiting it.

"They would pick the right person from the crowd going, 'Who can I manipulate? Is it someone that's craving belonging, or connection or approval?' And they'll pick that person on purpose."

As for warning signs?

You might start to feel like you're constantly second-guessing yourself, being guilt-tripped, or subtly undermined.

"The flying monkey will kind of play that peacemaker but in a slight way," Rachel explained.

"They'll be trying to make you doubt yourself or defend yourself. You'll just start to feel like the bad guy in every situation and doubting yourself.

Being targeted by both a narcissist and their flying monkeys can cause deep emotional wounds.

"It's kind of layers of betrayal for the victim, especially if it's someone close to them," Rachel said.

"It's going to impact your sense of safety, trust in others. It can be really heartbreaking for that victim long-term because it's going to affect their future relationships, a future sense of trust and security."

So how do you heal?

Rachel's first piece of advice: set boundaries. Limit or cut contact with the narcissist and their flying monkeys.

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"That can be really challenging for people to do that who have been in that pattern for a long time, but it's a really important step," she said.

Surrounding yourself with safe, trusted people is essential. Reacting without emotion — and documenting incidents, especially in family or workplace settings — can also help.

And perhaps most importantly, Rachel says: don't internalise it.

"Their behaviour is much more about their dysfunction than your own sense of worth," she said.

"There's no shame in seeking professional support to kind of unpack everything and start to heal those wounds."

Feature image: Getty.