{ showLeft: false, showRight: true, showletterModal: {}, cardData: [ { text1: "Marta*, 40s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse that went on for more than a decade.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Marta-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=402dd3e7-0ce0-42cf-bece-3f18893fa15c", html:`

Dear Anonymous,

I want you to know you took my safe place from me, the only home I had ever known.

The home I was brought home to as a baby, the home I grew up in and the home I had begun raising my family in.

I let you move in when I was a teenager, and when my parents died when I was in my late 20s, you knew that was the place I held sacred. After over 15 years together I realised you had taken everything from me in the form of domestic violence, sexual assault and financial abuse.

Image source: Getty Images

After we separated, you knew if I had my safe place I would never come back to you and that’s when you decided to make sure I lost that too. The place where all my memories were, where I felt closest to my parents. You made sure we were bankrupt, resulting in foreclosure on my home and repossession of the car I owned outright after you crashed the one I gave you.

But little did you know I was not a victim, I am a survivor, and even though I lost everything and had to move my three children to a hotel and crisis accommodation, I am still alive and I am slowly starting again.

After being the primary income earner for years I lost everything, but I had my children, hope and a small network. These things you will never be able to take from me and moving forward never again will you be able to hurt me.

Regards,

Marta

` }, { text1: "Shay*, 40s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Shay-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=afb2f638-295f-4dbb-a953-cfd5363269a0", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You used my previous traumas to manipulate me into thinking you were looking out to protect me. You used my vulnerability as a way to hurt me into being afraid of the outside world. You used my dependence on you when I was mothering our baby as a way to keep me trapped and at your mercy, feeling guilty for spending even the slightest cent on myself, even though you enjoyed what you earned to the fullest.

I scrimped severely and saved what I could, and yet you accused me of spending too much.

You also accused me of being lazy while making cutting remarks about my efforts to educate myself so I could get back into the workforce, doing something that wouldn’t destroy my soul. According to you, I should have just fronted up to the local supermarket for a job instead of wasting time and money for “nothing”.

Image source: Getty Images

You punished me for ever enjoying myself and finding pleasure in being around my friends without inviting you. You made rude comments if you ever found me resting to conserve my energy.

And then after the challenge of breaking away I had to build myself up again from scratch.

But it made me strong and now I’m free.

Regards,

Shay

` }, { text1: "Renee*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse in a marriage that has ended.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Renee-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=c54ee7cd-7f58-4e17-a895-e7c6a966dbac", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

After we broke up - I was genuinely shocked to find that I had money.

I was so used to constantly stressing about paying the rent. I’d even resorted to shoplifting just so we could eat. I worried all the time about unexpected bills or expenses. I’d work long into the night, take on whatever projects I could, and it never felt like it was enough.

But once you were gone?

Turns out I was actually making a pretty decent amount. I’d just had my arm endlessly twisted into paying for your hobbies, covering your share of the rent while you were buying all the things you wanted.

Image source: Getty Images

If I ever said no to you, I’d end up regretting it.

I’ll never forget you calling me to say you’d spent the money I had so carefully saved to see my family for Christmas. The tears, sitting in the walk in wardrobe. I still have issues with money now - I’m a total hoarder.

But I’m trying and I’m learning. And I hope I’ll get better.

Regards,

Renee

` }, { text1: "Michelle*, 40s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse for over a decade.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Michelle-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=6909ca62-e1a8-48b2-a5d6-ce91a30d93c0", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You made me responsible for my own maternity care and my own maternity leave while having our son and caring for him.

You left me with no money for basic items such as food.

I have long since left you. It has been years. Yet by refusing to pay bills for our son, I am left with the financial burden of his special needs. And for this reason, he is unable to receive the care that he needs and would benefit from.

Image source: Getty Images

I am unable to work as much as I like as I take responsibility for his care. You threatened me when I asked you to share in just one of our son’s expenses. Your actions forced me to take family court action which wiped me of all my savings and forced me into debt.

I am still picking up the pieces and yet you do not see that this affected not just me but our son. And yet you blame me.

For you it is about winning at all costs. For me, it is about being able to move forward with freedom, safety, and wellbeing for both me and my children.

Regards,

Michelle

` }, { text1: "Jasmine*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse throughout her 20s.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Jasmine-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=f3ecc234-33ec-4446-8e4c-7b0db8ce80d8", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You were fun, spontaneous and loving towards me. You seduced me and made me fall in love with you. You convinced me our love was true and wanted to move in together.

We rented a property and borrowed money from my parents. Once we moved, you changed.

You drank every night and expected your meals cooked and provided along with all the house chores. You started making fun of me in small ways and said it was just joking. You then restricted my income in not contributing to the household, leaving me dry.

You would drive my car so it had no petrol in it and I had no way of paying for more. You would take my phone and randomly drop into my work to check in on me.

You did all of these seemingly small things long before you first hit me. You said you were sorry and it was because you loved me so much you were too passionate. I should have left then, but you had already broken my spirit.

This went on for months, each episode growing worse and worse.

Image source: Getty Images

I finally cracked and left when you were passed out drunk. I walked away from everything I had and got in my car and drove away from you.

I had to start again on borrowed money. I had to start again on a broken soul.

I am better than ever, I have a wonderful career that has seen me travel the world, earn a large six figures for the past seven years, buy expensive European cars and go on lavish holidays while still saving money.

You did influence me to always have a rainy day fund and keep cash in my car in case I ever need to escape quickly. But that’s it - you have no scars on my body, mind or soul. You are a blip on my long gone past and have no influence on who I am today.

If I saw you today, the sheer confidence in my step would scare you away.

For other women, always, always stay in contact with your people despite how much of a wedge your abuser puts there.

Regards,

Jasmine

` }, { text1: "Felicity*, 40s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse by a previous partner.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Felicity-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=f642e641-b4f9-4c41-89ac-d2bd9c99ff04", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

From the moment we met you set out to break me. You followed me, you talked yourself up, you showered me in attention, you mirrored me. All these tactics were used so you could hide the guilt and shame of your life by consuming my very essence. My free spirit, my financial prowess, my caring nature - all used up in the blink of an eye.

You felt entitled to enter my home, to put yourself up on a pedestal to all those around you, taking from me my successes, words and actions and sharing them as your own.

I couldn’t see it. I was confused and hurt but didn’t want to believe it was true until....

No contribution to the bills account, no contribution to the necessities of life, the food, rent, electricity. I cannot express the shame I felt putting grocery items back that I could not afford, being told by the cashier that my card was declined. I was feeding your child, too.

Image source: Getty Images

Even with all the self-hype of your business, you knew you were spiralling into thousands of dollars of debt, you knew you had to stop spending money on yourself and your addictions, but you kept the image up to the world, and when the inevitable happened you blamed me.

I got help to write up an escape plan, then burnt it. I knew you went through my belongings while I was at work and this was mine, just for me. I held it close to my heart for months. I ferreted money away, put extra income into my super, as my plan was to get myself away from you and rid myself of the spiral of financial debt you were slowly dragging me into.

When I left I was broken, emotionally, physically and financially. But my drive and determination, my fiscal acumen and spirit to succeed slowly healed these wounds.

I now live debt free.

Regards,

Felicity

` }, { text1: "Alana*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse throughout her 20s.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Alana-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=b5f2b43d-3799-4011-9b6a-37c118461fe6", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You abused me for five and a half years. You have abused our child for all of their life. It is only now that there are labels for it. Emotional and financial abuse.

Now, our child is starting to ask questions about why I walked out the door 9 years ago and I can't lie. My choice of being with you or being broke was an easy choice.

You have caused us nothing but heartache and numerous police and court visits that have amounted to nothing, legally.

Image source: Getty Images

This might sound weird but all I can say is thank you. Thank you for putting us through it all because our child now knows that there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect them.

I have finally paid off the debt that you left me with, have savings, bought my dream car and an amazing house for my family.

Regards,

Alana

` }, { text1: "Emily*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse that went on for seven years.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Emily-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=c2e77f7f-6fcf-429f-8fef-a6c4942ba8ff", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You spent seven years telling me and everyone around me that I was bad with money, that I was ruining our future prospects and that I didn’t appreciate how hard it was for you to get where you are.

You spent seven years grilling me over every dollar I spent - accusing me of being wasteful because I would grab a Coke, or buy a nappy change table, or get my hair done at the hairdresser.

You told me I stood in the way of your dreams and ambitions because I didn’t think $800 would build a deck (it didn’t), and that I didn’t understand the value of things because I bought a vacuum you didn’t like (and then you broke). The worst thing about this is that myself and others believed you - and it left me feeling like I was irresponsible, careless and didn’t deserve things I like.

Image source: Getty Images

But here we are and I have been free for a year. In that time I’ve looked after our boys, bought a new wardrobe of clothes I like, bought new appliances as I have needed and generally made life happen all while having a little bit of savings. I now realise everything you said was a lie.

I can manage money successfully, it is completely okay to have some fun, and spend some money to do it. More than anything, I have learnt I can do this. I am doing this and my life is brighter, more abundant and joyful than it was with you.

Regards,

Emily

` }, { text1: "Natalie*, 40s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse throughout her 20s.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Natalie-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=533fa876-ea16-4504-80d7-162fd33ff0ba", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

Perhaps you didn't realise you were doing it. It began very slowly.

You took over the bills because I thought you were capable. During the time you were taking money from our family, we were eating rice and beans.

You told me to stop spending money.

Image source: Getty Images

I stopped seeing my friends because a $20 coffee with friends would anger you.

You have no idea the hurt you caused our family.

You didn't lose just money. You lost my trust and respect and I will never allow this to happen to me ever again. You lost your family and if that is not a wake up call, I can't help you or cover for you anymore.

Regards,

Natalie

` }, { text1: "Lisa*, 20s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse from her father.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Lisa-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=8d3646e4-d524-411c-a650-efd1e192011b", html: `

Dear Dad,

Watching your financial abuse towards mum since I was 15 (that I can remember) fills me with anger.

I’ve seen you stalk your joint account to see where she was when she made a certain purchase and then pull her up on it. I’ve seen you back her into a corner when she didn’t tell you where she was but you KNEW from her purchases. I’ve seen her have to ask for money from her elderly mum because you wouldn’t help her out with kids’ school and sport payments. I’ve seen it all. While my siblings may have not, I can assure you I have.

Image source: Getty Images

I look forward to the day where mum doesn’t get cash out so you won’t track her. I look forward to her independence. I look forward to seeing her free with her money. I look forward to not having to hide her purchases from you. One day she will be free.

Regards,

Lisa

` }, { text1: "Anna*, 50s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse from her ex-husband.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Anna-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=e144dd0e-fab5-45bb-a9a6-2a08adb53ddf", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You controlled whether I received child support.

You constantly abused me and if I dared to answer back or disagree with you, the payments stopped. You would hold that over me knowing I was in a bad way financially.

You yelled abuse and threats so loud your son could hear every word.

The day I told you what you could do with your money was the day I was free. I would rather live in poverty and be free.

Your son was so scared of you. As he got older, he also built up the courage to stand up to you and decided to have nothing to do with you. Your money would no longer control him either. My son has Autism and he could see that you were controlling him with money and he made the decision to choose freedom and peace instead of money.

Image source: Getty Images

People kept asking why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. Financially, I had no choice, especially with a special needs child and my ex knew it. It took a lot of planning and courage to free ourselves. Life was not easy but now we live a peaceful life.

My advice to others in this situation is to take as much time as you need. Plan and set yourself up as best as you can. Ask for help.

To others, do not ask someone in this situation, why don’t you just leave? There’s so much you can’t see.

Regards,

Anna

` }, { text1: "Eleanor*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse, who recently realised she was being abused.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Eleanor-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=1b65e160-32d8-4bdc-be1a-58aba0bce629", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

The feeling you get when your children ask kindly for something entirely unexceptional, only to be told no, will never leave me.

Our children are so smart and brave that while initially they’ll seem hurt and confused, they eventually understand that we can no longer afford those things, because Daddy did the wrong thing.

During our separation, the financial discovery showed that you chose to spend money on dating websites and sex calls, even fishing equipment, while I struggled to buy nappies and cover the bills. When people learn this, they do not hover shame above our heads, they lift us up. They show us empathy and support.

Image source: Getty Images

Thank goodness most things are traceable because that has been my power. The courts can see the trend of your behaviour as unacceptable and not responsible.

Any deprivation of basic necessities was hard to accept and embarrassing to begin with, but then I learnt it’s a reflection of you - the abuser.

Not me. Not us. Not the victims.

Regards,

Eleanor

` }, { text1: "Melissa*, 30s.", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse at 19.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/special%2FCBA_Melissa-letters.jpg?alt=media&token=fe52c91f-a10c-4482-89a1-914cdfe6f03a", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

Look at me now.

I have done everything I always wanted to do. I have lived all over the world. I realised how unhappy I was.

Image source: Getty Images

I’ve grown so much since leaving you.

You wouldn’t even know me now.

Regards,

Melissa

` }, { text1: "Anne*", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse in her second marriage.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/custom%2Fcba%2FAnne.jpg?alt=media&token=1459a54c-908e-4a60-b592-cde335c4a4c6", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

You entered my life several years after my first husband died. You appeared empathetic, polite and appeared to listen to what I had to say, as well as appearing to respect my values

We married, and from then on things slowly deteriorated. You were jealous of my relationship with my children, and even more so of my connection with your children and grandchildren, whom you felt ignored you in preference to me. I tried to compensate your feelings, and reassured you, but often felt I was being scrutinised by you with my relationships with my children, step children and my other family members and family. Most kept quiet, as they didn't want to create stress to me with their concerns. They were also aware that if they raised issues with you that it would impact on me later, when you unleashed your fury on me, psychologically and verbally.

You made lying a form of sport, to see if I would find you out. Financially you were such a drain that I was close to bankruptcy after buying a home and you failing to contribute. Debt collectors coming to my home was horrific. I had previously cleared your financial debts, however you slowly maxed out the cards again behind my back.

Then one day, after your accusations that I stole your money, I stood my ground. You had lied, deceived and manipulated for too long. I feared for my physical safety that night and left the property. Six years later I have re-mortgaged my home, have money in the bank, have travelled extensively, and have great relationships with family, friends and neighbours, and am very happily single. After much counselling, regaining my sense of self and confidence I am in a great space.

Because of you, my only regret is that I have shut down the possibility of having another relationship, as I never want to risk my happiness and well-being again.

Anne*

` }, { text1: "Fay*", text2: "Survivor of financial abuse over 30 years ago.", img: "https://firebasestorage.googleapis.com/v0/b/mamamia-pwa.appspot.com/o/custom%2Fcba%2FFay.jpg?alt=media&token=de38e4f8-da7a-41e4-beb2-4ac1db7759e7", html: `

Dear Anonymous,

It has been 30 years since we last spoke and I still remember exactly how you treated me.

I met you in my late teens and stayed with you for six years. During most of that time, you physically and emotionally abused me. You punished me if another man looked my way. You belittled me in front of our friends.

Those important years were designed for me to grow from a teenager into a young adult, who had the right to wear what I wanted to, purchase what I wanted to, make friends with whom I wanted to and be the person I wanted to be. But you took that away from me. I was young, naive and in love and I thought you loved me too. But you couldn’t have, could you? They say love is allowing the other person to grow and to be their pillar of strength in good times and hard times. But you didn’t let me grow. Like a cigarette, you stunted my growth and you weren't my pillar, you were my ruin.

I finally found the strength to leave and never, ever have I ever looked back. They say life is like a book, full of chapters. I can close that chapter and find peace for myself. I do not forgive you for your benefit and nor will I ever forget how you made me feel.

Fay*

` } ] }

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