'I planned a romantic getaway with my husband. Then I picked a fight on purpose.'

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Is it just me (please tell me it's not), or is the amount of pressure you put on yourselves to have a 'romantic' getaway directly proportionate to the amount of bickering you do on said getaway?

It was the question I came away with after a recent weekend spent with my husband (who, at the outset of this story, I should take pains to point out I love very much).

Thanks to an ideological difference in navigation app preference, the getaway was off to a prickly start before we even alighted the vehicle.

Watch the hosts of Mamamia Out Loud on the women 'quiet quitting' their husbands. Post continues below.

As an Apple Maps devotee who prefers to listen to the directions rather than look at the screen, my husband's alliance to Waze (sound off, always) has remained a Montague/Capulet wedge in our relationship since the dawn of the iPhone, or thereabouts.

He was driving, which would usually allow him his preference of directional technology but, thanks to an issue with our car's USB drive, my phone was the only one able to connect.

When he missed the turn for The Crystalbrook at Byron and had to circle back a few kilometres as we raced to make our dinner reservation, the unspoken blame was circulating through our Kia like airconditioning.

At check-in, however, we were jostled out of our salty moods when Hugh at the front desk produced a mock marriage certificate for us to sign.

We were at the luxe resort for a weekend of romance with a twist: Australia's first "Un-Honeymoon" — a romantic travel experience that flips classic honeymoon indulgences on their head.

Fuelled by two facts — that Aussies are marrying less but spending more on travel, Crystalbrook developed a clever package for couples to enjoy a romantic getaway without tying it to nuptials.

Image: Supplied.

Think champagne minibars instead of wedding cakes, after-dark dessert deliveries, and a cheeky "Un-Registry" where loved ones can chip in for upgrades like spa rituals or caviar pairings.

As we signed the 'Un-Honeymoon' certificate, we solemnly vowed to "sleep in shamelessly, toast to ourselves, indulge recklessly, and regret nothing."

To say we were outside the usual 'honeymoon period' in our relationship is an understatement. 20 years and three children in, opportunities for sleeping in, shamelessly, and indulging recklessly are few and far between, and the idea of a weekend filled with unstructured alone time sent a thrill through both of us.

In our room — a rainforest-cloaked treetop pod drenched in birdsong — a set of couples' conversation-starter question cards nestled up beside a speaker preloaded with Spotify playlists to aid connection.

A cold bottle of champagne beckoned, and by the time we'd freshened up and installed ourselves at dinner in the resort's signature restaurant, Forest, things were feeling a lot more amiable again.

Halfway through pearlescent bites of perfectly-cooked slipper lobster, I pulled out the couple's cards I'd brought with us from the room.

Image: Supplied.

"What's one thing I could do that could make you feel more heard in our relationship?" read the first question.

Gulp.

The unparalleled joy of finishing an argument.

I don't know what it is about the pressure of a romantic weekend away, but something about structured time for connection always tips me over into a sort of frenzied expectation of bliss and matrimonial harmony.

20 years into our marriage, our foundation is solid. Arguments don't derail us, but in this season of our lives, finishing one — that is, having a resolution and repair we're both satisfied with — can be trickier to come by.

Gripes about tone of voice or who left the lunchbox inside the school bag at the beginning of the summer holidays are more often than not cut short by the demands of three children.

Without realising it, fights without resolution can taper off into quiet resentment, or worse — the belief that our needs aren't worth bringing up in the first place.

And thus, presented with nothing but uninterrupted, child-free time, the twinkling lights over the pool and our desserts being delicately laid in front of us, we decided to go for it.

We started to unpack the little corners of resentment we usually don't have the time or energy to explore, shyly unfurling the little hurts we'd been holding onto.

At times, we were defensive in the face of information — other times, realisation and recognition dawned.

Couples therapy in paradise.

The following morning, we awoke feeling unusually peaceful, forced into the excruciating choice of whether to spend our time horizontal at the pool or horizontal at nearby Tallow Beach, accessible through a private track that meanders through 45 acres of rainforest.

Opting first for the beach, we relished the absence of sand toys, Cool Cabanas and various usual kid-based accoutrements as we carried nothing but sunscreen and a couple of towels along with us.

Stretched out on the sand, we dozed and swam for a little bit, idly chatting.

But instead of feeling ensconced in the glow of our rare-as-hen's-teeth solo date, I felt the pull of serious conversation.

Subtle differences in our approaches to a parenting issue we were currently having with one of the kids. A need to lock down our savings plan for the next few years.

Discussions I'd been itching to have for a while on topics that, while not dangerous, carried with them a little extra tension than the usual loved-up flirtation I'd usually try to insert into a holiday like this.

Image: Supplied.

Was I self-sabotaging?

According to clinical psychotherapist Julie Sweet, I might actually have been doing the opposite.

"Scheduling 'fights' with your partner might sound strange — maybe even counterproductive — yet there's actually wisdom in it," she explains, to my great relief.

"Many couples stay stuck in conflict not because the issue is unsolvable, but because they never truly get the chance to share what's really going on for them. The deeper feelings and needs underneath the surface argument often go unheard. What shows up as 'you left your wet towel on the bathroom floor again' is rarely about the towel."

For busy parents who rarely get the chance to finish a thought, let alone a conversation, the danger in these little issues going unresolved is that the trust-building act of repair doesn't have a chance to occur.

"Gottman research speaks to 'bids for connection' — small attempts to be seen, understood, or responded to," explains Sweet.

"When those bids are missed or ignored, distance can grow, and tension often turns into an argument."

Cocooned in luxury.

And so, it was a weekend filled with luxury on both ends of the scale.

A couple's massage at Crystalbrook's Elemé day spa, bookended with champagne, nestled up against a more subtle form of indulgence: time to express ourselves fully.

Hot chips and cocktails by the dappled pool, dipping in and out of conversations that had actual resolutions. Talking about the 'us' comprised of me and him, rather than the amorphous, family-sized 'us' that can sometimes feel like a giant to-do list first and foremost.

By Sunday morning, having spent the previous evening lounging on our enclosed balcony daybed, surrounded by hand-delivered dessert and cocktails, there had been a shift.

Image: Supplied.

There was a lightness around our interactions and instead of feeling the need to problem-solve, we had one of those slow, uncomplicated mornings awash with mutual affection and easy silence.

"What you two did, intentionally or not, is actually very therapeutic and healthy," Sweet assures me.

"It's the stuff emotionally intelligent couples do. When space is created for both people to feel seen and heard — without the pressures of daily life, work, children, or outside demands — many couples find they can move through differences more effectively."

It turns out, the most romantic gesture isn't always a grand overture or a glass of champagne; sometimes, it's simply making the time to sit through the uncomfortable parts until you find your way back to each other.

Of course, if you can do it in five-star luxury, in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, you might just have a good time while you're at it.

Listen to Mamamia's real-life therapy podcast, This Is Why We Fight. Post continues below.

The writer stayed as a guest of Crystalbrook Byron, but all opinions are their own.

Feature image: Supplied.