30 women just got brutally honest about orgasms. Their answers were eye-opening.

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The female pleasure gap is real and it's time we talked about it.

Mamamia asked readers about their sex lives as the year draws to a close, in a bid to understand if they are getting exactly what they need in the bedroom.

The responses we received were overwhelming, with women writing candid, real and raw truths about their experiences.

In our "sex survey," we asked women how often they orgasm, what helps them reach the peak, what their first orgasm felt like and what their sexual fantasies were.

Here dozens of Australian women bravely share their truth.

Listen: Why no one's having sex in bed anymore. Post continues below.

The first big O.

For many women, their first orgasm was a revelation that fundamentally shifted their understanding of their own bodies and sexuality.

"It felt really weird and surprising. I didn't know the body could do something and feel something like that," shared one respondent.

Another described it as feeling "like a wave crashed over me and I cried afterwards."

The physical sensations were often overwhelming and unexpected.

"I felt a happy tingle emanate from my core through to my fingers and toes. Kind of like pins and needles but in an amazingly pleasurable way," one woman recalled.

Others described it as "an explosion of warmth" or "like a rush, everything was loud and quiet at the same time."

One women wrote: "It felt like a bead of pleasure climbing higher and higher up a ladder until it reached the top. I remember being disappointed by the amount of pleasure once it reached the top."

Another shared: "Yes! It changed everything. I never knew sex would feel like this. Before that, I was always pleasing a man."

This sentiment echoed a common theme throughout the survey — many women spent years focused on their partner's pleasure before discovering their own.

The learning curve.

Many women said they didn't experience their first orgasm until well into adulthood.

One respondent shared: "I only began having great sex when I was thirty. I knew my body and was confident enough to be assertive in bed by then."

Another said: "I didn't learn how to orgasm until my 30s. My husband purchased sex toys for us to use together and individually." This highlights how important it can be to have a supportive partner willing to explore and experiment.

The journey to orgasm often involved overcoming years of conditioning.

"I realised how much I'd truly faked it prior! It was electrifying," one woman admitted.

Her response speaks to the pressure many women feel to "perform pleasure" rather than actually experience it.

What actually makes women orgasm?

When it comes to achieving orgasm, the survey responses painted a clear picture: clitoral stimulation is key for most women.

The overwhelming majority of respondents indicated they "usually require clitoral stimulation to orgasm."

Of the techniques, there were a few mentioned.

These include:

• Clitoral stimulation combined with penetration

• Vibrators and sex toys

• Oral sex

• Being on top during intercourse

• "Fast clitoral stimulation"

One respondent noted the importance of timing: "It depends on the time of day. Morning sex, I usually require clitoral stimulation and some penetration. In the afternoon or at night I can sometimes orgasm without clitoral stimulation and just penetration alone."

Mental state also plays a crucial role.

"Clit stimulation. Not having a million thoughts running through my head," one woman explained. Another emphasised that "my mind has to be in it" alongside physical stimulation.

"On top, grinding, having my nipples tweaked or vibrator," is what gets another woman off.

Another said: "My clitoral stimulator, but I have had orgasms from a man's tongue alone. He was a scoundrel though."

Watch: Five other fascinating, but unexpected, ways women reach orgasm. Post continues below.

Secret fantasies.

When it came to sexual fantasies, the responses uncovered some common themes and deeply personal desires.

Threesomes featured prominently in responses, with multiple women mentioning fantasies about "having a threesome with another woman" or "a threesome with another man".

However, many were hesitant to share these fantasies with their partners, with one noting: "I haven't discussed it with my partner because I don't want to do it in real life as I think it would just be really awkward and would ruin the whole fantasy and some things are better kept as a fantasy."

Power dynamics also emerged as a theme. One respondent shared: "I want to be dominated by someone in power over me — a teacher, a boss, someone I owe money too. My partner and I have never discussed our fantasies."

Some women expressed desires for multiple partners focused solely on their pleasure: "Have multiple partners pleasure me and I don't need to do anything!"

Interestingly, several respondents indicated they didn't have fantasies at all, with responses like "I don't do fantasies" or "I don't really have fantasies."

Despite the intimate nature of long-term relationships, many women indicated they struggle to communicate about sex with their partners.

While some rated their sexual communication as excellent, others revealed significant gaps.

"My partner does not feel comfortable talking about sex, we do not discuss fantasies," shared one frustrated respondent.

This lack of communication often correlates with lower sexual satisfaction and fewer orgasms.

The survey showed women who felt comfortable discussing sex with their partners generally reported higher satisfaction levels and more consistent orgasms.

The reality check.

Perhaps most sobering were the responses from women experiencing sexual difficulties. Post-menopause changes, medical issues, and relationship problems all impact women's ability to reach orgasm.

"Dead after menopause. I used to love sex, but it really hurts now," one woman shared about her sex life.

Another revealed: "Sex became painful. This, combined with a partner who has erection issues and can only last for about a minute, resulted in all fantasies being a thing of the past."

These responses highlight the journey to sexual satisfaction isn't always straightforward and can be affected by numerous factors beyond technique or communication.

The survey responses make it clear that women's sexual pleasure deserves attention, discussion, and prioritisation.

Too many women have spent years not knowing what their bodies were capable of, or feeling unable to communicate their needs.

As one respondent perfectly summarised the transformative power of that first orgasm: "It was like my body was chasing something, it was a huge release."

All survey responses were provided anonymously.

Feature image: Getty.