The truth about what makes (and breaks) female friendships.

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber . Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Female friendships are the glue that holds us together. Men come and go, children grow up and move out.

At the end of the day, it's our girlfriends who are the unconditional loves of our lives. It's a perspective that hits home hard when you are single and in your forties, like me.

Jane Austen once said, "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends."

But as we settle into 2026, in the era of boundaries and JOMO, does this still stand?

I asked the Mamamia community for the modern etiquette rules of female friendship. Here is what they told me.

Watch: The Out Loud hosts unpack the three-type decision theory. Post continues below.

Should you keep your friend's secrets from your partner?

Do our partners become automatic confidants to our friends' secrets?

Some women view their friendships as sacred vaults that even spouses can't access, while others see their marriage as a package deal where transparency reigns supreme.

"When you tell me a secret, you are telling ME a secret. It's so important to me that my friends know that. While they all know and love my husband, they don't all share the same level of confidence in him. I think that should be the default for everyone." — Mary.

"If it's something that disturbs me, or I struggle with knowing, you best believe I'm telling my husband. He's been my sounding board for 25 years." — Maya.

"My first thought was that my husband would simply not give a single care about my friends' secrets in the first place, so no point telling him." — Emma.

"I think unless someone specifies something they don't want said, then all bets are off when it comes to partners. But if someone specifically told me to keep something secret, then I would! Especially if it's something that might impact how they view them." — Anne.

Should you feign interest in your friend's hobbies? Even if they're boring…

We've all been there, nodding along as a friend passionately explains the intricacies of sourdough starters or true-crime podcasts that all sound the same. But is pretending to care actually caring?

"You are a sh*tty friend if you can't listen to a bit of your friend going on about something they love, even if you aren't interested. It's about being interested in your friend, not a hobby, so be interested." — Taylor.

"I think yes, to an extent. Definitely ask them about how it's going; you don't need to go deep into it. It's really about showing you care about what they care about, even if you couldn't give two hoots about bird watching." — Priya.

Integrating friendship groups: Church and state, or one big happy family?

Should the work friends meet the school mum friends? What about introducing your book club crew to your gym buddies?

The mixing of friendship circles can either create beautiful new connections or spectacularly awkward dinner parties.

"I don't think there's ever an expectation unless there's an event that really calls for it. Weddings, baby showers, hen parties. It's always a fun-filled time to integrate different parts of your life — because either they hit it off and it's fabulous, or it's a drama-filled disaster which makes for great conversation!" — Indie.

"I definitely think friendships and different friends and 'groups' should always be integrated. That's how community is built—by sharing and welcoming new people with open arms." — Lu.

"I only get everyone together for big things and then only if I have to. I have several diverse friendship groups, and some of these are diametrically opposed to one another in many facets of life. I don't need the headache of putting them in the same room together." — Izzy.

"I get genuine joy from bringing people from different circles together. For me, I really only invest deeply in friendships when they feel like they could fit into the wider, holistic fold of my life. I don't love having siloed friends who I wouldn't introduce to my important people." — Nic.

Listen to the Out Loud host's take on the modern etiquette of female friendship. Post continues below.

What constitutes cutting off a friend?

Friendship breakups can be more devastating than romantic ones, yet we rarely talk about what warrants ending a friendship.

Is it one big betrayal or a slow accumulation of small disappointments?

"It isn't about one bad moment or a single disagreement; it's about what that moment reveals. The deal-breaker isn't the situation itself, it's the behaviour underneath it. When someone shows a lack of respect, accountability, or consideration (especially in moments that matter), that's where my boundary sits." — Sally.

"When I've ended friendships, it hasn't necessarily been because plans fell through or things went wrong, it's been because how they handled those moments made it clear we no longer shared the same standards of care, maturity, or mutual respect." — Annabel.

"I had a friend tell me she wasn't coming to my wedding, but let me know the morning of for a sh*tty reason... (I knew it was about something else for her, but she couldn't admit it). Cut." — Sharon.

"When you have a big blow-up and confront something and block them from contacting you. I think it's easier to just step back and stop investing in a souring friendship and move on, so there's less bad blood." — Bella.

Is the ultimate friendship level "committing a crime" friends?

The "hide a body" friendship — it's the stuff of movies and memes, but what does real ride-or-die connections actually look like in practice?

"I'd do just about anything for mine, including slipping into my lawyer alter ego to take on a dodgy landlord on their behalf, which has happened." — Kate.

"I truly would drop anything for my closest friends. I'll never forget being in Bali when I was unwell, and my best friend back home was looking up flights to come get me. To me, that is the true pillar of best friends." — Evelyn.

"The ultimate level is picking up or dropping off a friend from the airport or helping them move house." — Joelynn.

"I would go pretty far for my best friends. I have backed them up in any situations, both privately and publicly, when they have been spoken about, and I would also be pretty inclined to help them in emergencies, whether that be medical or personal." — Ridhaan.

What do you do when a friendship feels one-sided?

The friendship where you're always the one initiating plans, always the shoulder to cry on, always giving more than you receive — we've all been there.

Do you keep score? Do you address it directly? Or do you quietly step back?

"If it's a pattern, then I'd probably pull back expectations and actions accordingly." — Maya.

"When I consistently leave hanging out with that friend feeling worse than when I arrived. In those cases, I let the friendship quietly fizzle rather than forcing something that no longer feels good." — Gemma.

"You can't be a martyr. If someone's take-take taking, you've also got to stop give-give giving. It's a two-way street, and you have to be responsible for your own actions." — Olivia.

"I set very strict boundaries. So this means sticking to certain reply times, and a certain number of hangouts per week. Also restricting how much I let this person in, and what I tell them. It's hard to have a friend who benefits so much from having me as a friend, but I don't feel the same way. It's overwhelming and it almost feels like a job." — Jamie.

The truth about modern female friendship is that there is no one-size-fits-all rulebook. What works for one friendship might be disastrous for another.

But perhaps that's the point — the best friendships are the ones where you can talk openly about the rules themselves, where boundaries are respected, where effort is reciprocated, and where both people feel valued.

At the end of the day, Jane Austen was onto something. True friendship is about showing up, being honest, and doing what you can for the people who matter most. The modern twist? It's okay to protect your peace while doing it.

*names have been changed to protect privacy.

Feature Image: Getty.