'We need to talk about the feeling every single person experiences, yet no one wants to admit.'

When it comes to expressing how we feel and sharing our personal experiences, we've come a LONG way. Once upon a time, our grandparents were hidden away if they couldn't hide their emotions publicly, being seen as 'manic' or 'hysterical'.

So as an open-ish society, we're pretty comfortable sharing the more 'negative' feelings about ourselves, loved ones, situations, and experiences. Whether that be resentment, anger, loneliness, anxiety, or depression; countless articles and podcast episodes are clamouring for your attention, desperate to be seen and help you feel less alone.

The best part about the internet and our willingness to share is that we've collectively realised there's no such thing as an original thought or feeling. EVERYONE feels all of the emotions, and it's completely normal.

But one emotion I haven't seen much discourse about is jealousy — one of the ugliest and most taboo things to admit to feeling.

Watch: Mel Robbins' theory on jealousy. Post continues after video.

The question of jealousy came up while recording an upcoming 'Ask Us Anything' episode of the You Beauty podcast.

My co-host, Leigh Campbell, was absolutely stumped and genuinely couldn't recall a time she'd felt jealous… while I started prattling off moments from just this year where I felt the green-eyed monster rear her jealous little head.

I guess it's something I've always been very aware of feeling and while, yes, it's a bit embarrassing to admit to feeling jealous, it's only because the lens jealousy has been presented to us through in pop-culture, is two people vying for a job or a partner and they generally do pretty awful things to each other in an attempt to one up the other person, before ultimately the less awful person 'wins'.

But that is actually such a narrow, one-dimensional view of jealousy; one I've not seen since high school. 

I know I'm not alone in feeling jealous, and by saying the quiet part out loud, it makes me feel better and removes the ugliness from the feeling.

Because inherently, I know I'm not a bad person, I don't wish that glorious things weren't happening for people in my life, but sometimes, I really wish it had happened to me too, and that's ok to admit. 

So here's a bunch of times I felt a bit dirty with jealousy this year…

Oh, another Parisian adventure? Can't relate.

Maybe one day… Image: Supplied.

Let's begin with what I told Leigh in the episode, shall we?

Leigh gets to go on a few work trips per year. And in beauty land, they often look far more fabulous than your average work trip when you're stuck in a conference room for 10 hours a day, listening to boring people drone on about boring things, before schlepping back to a grim motel room. And Leigh absolutely deserves to go on these trips.

She's arguably one of the most respected voices in Australian media and has worked her ass off to get where she is. She's also incredibly hard-working and professional, and it's a big part of her job to build and maintain relationships with corporate folk, which happens on these sorts of trips.

But it was when she went to Paris this year that I was moping around like a jealous bat. Because I've never been to France. I was supposed to go on my honeymoon back in 2020, but we know how that year turned out. The honeymoon hasn't ever eventuated, so I'm still yet to leap in front of the Louvre with a jaunty beret on my head, screeching "je suis à Paris, salopes" (I'm in Paris, b*tches) at the top of my lungs. 

Anyway, she had a great time, and I got to be extra petty, repeatedly asking her how François was when she got home (IYKYK). 

It wasn't that I begrudged her being there; I simply wished I'd also been invited or had had such an opportunity. But you know what that means? Sis (me) needs to shut up and work harder, and maybe one day I'll have such an opportunity.

Oh, don't mind me, I didn't want my face on a billboard.

I want to see my face on a billboard too. Image: Supplied.

I host You Beauty (as mentioned above, with Leigh and François), and Eat Sleep Repeat, which is kinda like an anti-parenting parenting podcast? That probably makes zero sense, but I hate parenting content, so I made the podcast I wished existed.

Anyway, my co-host, Kee, and I had been working hard on this pod for probably about two years, with great feedback from listeners, but not much industry recognition or money (and when I say 'not much' I mean zero).

Anyway, Kee starts another podcast with her bestie, and it's brilliant, and what feels like two seconds later, Spotify are promoting the pod and plastering their cute faces on billboards.

Oh, DON'T MIND ME. I'm chopped liver, sitting at home, NOT on a billboard. I felt so jealous of their success and like the failure of ESR must be all me, and of course Kee would ditch me for her other show.

But it wasn't that I didn't celebrate this win of my friends, I was SO EXCITED for them, it was such a well-deserved win, and the show is FAB! But I also wanted to be on a billboard. Does that make sense?

Oh, someone can babysit? MUST BE NICE.

Always dreaming about date nights with my husband. Image: Supplied.

This was such a small little thing, but when the green-eyed monster poked her head out, over seeing a movie (of all the small, silly things), it released a LOT of resentment and jealousy over my situation in general.

But let me back up a bit and explain.

On Friday nights, we often go to a local pub with friends. The kids play (we choose one with kid facilities), we watch them, drink wine and eat a nice meal while dissecting the week. It's fantastic. Anyway, this particular Friday, I sent the 'pub' message, but our friends were going to the movies and asked if we were keen to join - sans child.

Now, I did warn you that this was a very small and silly thing to get jealous over, but I was full of it. Going to the movies for a date on Friday wasn't a big deal in the slightest for our friends. And they shouldn't apologise for that, good on them! But it just highlighted the stark difference between having family nearby that can babysit for you (they live in Sydney, as do both sets of parents)... and not.

Luke (my husband) and I have had five dates in the almost four years we've been parents, and three of those were weddings. Dates need to be planned months in advance, and we need to save them for occasions like weddings because our son is very anxious and shy and doesn't like many people, so we can't just call up a babysitter or offering friend.

We knew what we were getting into, and of course, some people have it worse and haven't even had one date in five years. But it sucked, and I felt jealous we didn't have someone we could call and say, "hey, we're keen on seeing a movie tonight, can you watch Len?". 

It wasn't that I didn't want my friends to be able to go to the movies. It's that I wished it was easy for US to go to the movies. 

Oh, you got to meet your baby? What was that like?

I wished I got to meet Lenny the moment he was born. Image: Supplied.

My birth plan was to have a baby. I was aiming for vaginal with whatever intervention I needed, but knew things could go skewiff. So it didn't worry me at all when they told me I needed an emergency-c.

To be completely honest, I felt a bit relieved because it meant it would be over soon and that I didn't have to push. I'd been having contractions 60-90 seconds apart for 13 hours and was EXHAUSTED. But I did plan on meeting my baby straight away, everything I knew about emergency C-sections still involved the baby being placed on the mum's chest while they stitched her insides up.

My baby was held up like Simba before being whisked away to another room where I couldn't see him. Not because he was in need of urgent medical attention, but because I was. I touched my baby for the first time seven hours after I birthed him.

Every time, EVERY time, I see a photo of a mum, smiling up at the camera, looking tired but happy, while a red potato rests on her chest after being removed from her body, I am so jealous. I am so jealous and so sad that Len and I didn't get that. 

You already know by this point that I will clarify it's not that I don't want other people to not meet their babies straight away. It's just that I really, really wish I had.

That's been my entire point in this article: opening up the conversation around jealousy.

That it isn't an ugly emotion that means you're a bad person. Like everything in life, two things can be true at the same time. You can be gloriously happy for someone else, but also really want things for yourself. And that's ok.

Feature image: Supplied.