Mamamia recaps the FBoy Island finale: THE MOST SATISFYING PLOT TWIST EVER.

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Find our episode 9 recap here.

IT'S FINALLY TIME.

To see Molly, Sophie and Ziara win, but also see Vernon lose.

I hope.

HOOOLY JUMP SCARE.

After a quick debrief after their first overnight dates, we get a close-up shot of Joshy's arse.

From the front, he is covered by a large bunch of bananas that definitely did not consent to this.

Sophie is drawing him on her second 24-hour date, and I have to say, there is NOTHING better than reality stars sketching each other. It's like there's a rule that in order to be on a reality show, you have to be the worst artist in the entire world.

I adore it.

It's uncanny. Image: Binge.

Meanwhile, Ziara and Izaya have a beach day in the pouring rain.

Ziara says it is tropical island weather which makes sense given they are in *check's notes*, Northern New South Wales.

Izaya clarifies his drama from the previous day's 'mansplain'.

He did talk about partying with his probably former bestie Clay, but did not say they would go out and 'pick up chicks' together post-show. He was just trying to hype up a friend who was feeling sad and good lord idk if that's bulls**t but it is very cute.

Molly and Nick are on a boat, and she's STILL thinking about Vernon.

Thankfully, Nick opens about how much he likes her and at the villa, she asks if he'll sleep on the couch and he's like... yeah no.

"So long cuddle bear and hello big d*ck Nick," she says, in what might simultaneously be the best AND the worst quote of the season.

Ziara asks Izaya what he thinks their life outside the show would look like and is very satisfied with his answer of 'idk whatever we want it to be!'

Joshy continues to act like the most reformed FBoy ever. I don't know what to believe but at least he's not winking at the camera a la Vernon. 

OKAY.

IT'S FINAL DECISION TIME.

All the men are here, and I'm glad to see they've dressed up for the occasion.

"Yeah cool let me wear my shacket to the finale, that'll be chic as f**k." Image: Binge.

Meanwhile...

Men could/would never. Image: Binge.

Each of the final men must explain why they should be chosen and they all give extremely profound speeches.

Lol jk.

Justin rips off Ronan Keating, saying a couple of sentences that boil down to "life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it".

And Joshy says he arrived as an FBoy but Sophie taught him to love again.

She chooses........

JOSHY.

We should've known. Slytherin never wins.

Sophie hopes she and Justin can be friends and I am obsessed with her commitment to keeping in touch with the men she's rejected on reality television.

They say their goodbyes and it's sad but HURRY UP WE NEED TO FIND OUT IF JOSHY HAS REALLY REFORMED.

As an FBoy, he is now in control of the $50,000 and must decide if he keeps it or splits it with her.

He starts a big ol' monologue about how that money could change his life AND IT'S MAKING ME SO NERVOUS.

He chooses to "take the money..." WHAT THE FUUUUCK "...and split it with you".

THANK F**K, I nearly had a heart attack.

Cuuuuuuute. Image: Binge.

Next up is Ziara, who's dealing with two Nice Guys which means she's already scored a lovely $25,000.

Cory says he's a Real Man. Help? That wasn't explained in the press kit. Whatever it means, Caleb clearly disagrees from over in the back of the LINE OF LOSERS.

Izaya says he always found vulnerability difficult but she changed everything: "Every time we touch, every time we kiss, every time I hold you, I feel love".

I love this new Cascada remix!

"Ziara, I love you," he finishes.

She walks over and says it back and GOODNESS.

It's objectively unhinged considering they've known each other for a matter of WEEKS.

But it's also GREAT TV.

We are all Abbie right now, right? Image: Binge.

Okay.

It's Molly's turn.

Say it with me.

NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK NICK-

He says getting to know her has been one of the best experiences of his life and he has fallen for her.

BEAT THAT, VERNON.

"If you pick me, I definitely won't be boring," he says, earning laughter from the other men.

In a confessional, he says he's also planning to give her a hug, kiss and apology after TAKING HER DAMN MONEY.

This. Man. Cannot. Win.

Molly has one last question to ask before she makes her decision: "Vernon, do you want to be with me?"

He says he definitely does EVEN THOUGH HE DEFINITELY DOESN'T UGH THIS MAN IS INFURIATING.

WAIT-

MOLLY KNOWS HE'S LYING.

"Sh*t." Image: Binge.

Suddenly, Sophie gasps and everyone starts whispering.

Holy f**king s**t, Vernon's ex-girlfriend is here.

Molly invited her earlier where she showed Vernon's texts??? Of him saying he was gonna win some cash and then come back to her??? Where did a man with that haircut find this kind of audacity???

Vernon is TRAPPED. There's no getting out of this.

He tries to hug Abbie goodbye, but she avoids him, before pointing Brogan in Mitch's direction. The man's story has finally been heard, he's got one up on ol' Verno and he has never been happier.

Never give up on your dreams <3 Image: Binge.

It is happy endings all around: Molly chooses Nick and also offers to share some money with Brogan for doing her a solid.

And with that, this silly rollercoaster of a show has come to an end.

May the universe bless us all with an FBoy-free existence.

Read our recap FBoy Island Australia episode 9 here.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Read more:

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• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 5: Is Nuggetgate the greatest reality TV storyline of our time?
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 6: An FBoy reveals himself... prematurely.
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 7: The FBoys begin their redemption arc... And it's working.
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 8: We need Molly and Nick to ride off into the sunset together RIGHT NOW.
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 9: The eliminated men return with ALL of the gossip.
  

Feature image: Binge.