"I don't have a favourite. Promise."

For any child wondering, this is the truth behind “favourites”.

To my beautiful children,

To the warm little bodies that fill my heart, to your quizzical minds that make me think, to your laughing eyes and tiny fingers I want to say this – you are all my favourites.

You might hear otherwise when you are growing up.

You might hear playground tales of my-mum-loves-my brother-or-sister-more.

You might be told off by me for doing wrong, or snapped at when I’m tired or busy but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you all the same. All equally, totally, unbelievably.

I’ve heard of parents who say that they favour one child over another.

I’ve read confessions from mothers who say they have a favourite and it puzzles me.

When my first-born came into the world I was breathless with how engulfing my love for him was. How he crept under my skin and I never believed I could love another as much.

For nine months I worried that I couldn’t echo this love. A part of me grieved for the fact I would have to share my love. I couldn’t understand how parents could love more than one baby.

And then I had my second child and I knew in an instant you don’t fragment your love, you double it.

It’s a type of ecstasy to realise how boundless your love for your children can be.

And now there are three of you, there is three times as much.

Sure there are moments, hours even when one of you is driving me a little less up the wall than the others.

When my three-year-old stamps her feet and howls at me because her hair isn’t as long as Elsa’s.

Or when my seven-year-old complains for the 9 millionth time that I won’t let him play Minecraft for hours on end.

Or when my feisty five-year-old gets angry that he has to leave a party, defiantly looks at me and walks right back in.

Of course, at these times I mutter under my breath words I wish I could scream out loud in frustration.

But my demands that you adhere to our rules, that you listen to what we say and that you accept our way of doing things doesn’t leverage one of you above another.

And when you break the rules I get disappointed sure, but I don’t love you less.

I don’t think my parents ever had a favourite either.

Sure there were times when my brother outshone me by actually coming home before the sun rose but there were other circumstances, of course, when perhaps I leapt ahead in the popularity stakes for an hour or two.

I can’t quite understand how a parent could actually have a favourite. I can’t get it in my head that you could look at these growing minds and clearly chose one over another.

Children are all so different in their own way, each of their qualities are my favourites.

My three-year-old’s candid ability to speak the truth, her desperate desire to please her brothers, her independence, these are things I value just as much as my five-year-old’s unrelenting love for his family, his tender need for reassurance and closeness and his uncanny ability to spot a sharp, shiny or pointy object from several feet away.

How can you favourite this over my eldest’s inherent goodness, his need for affection, his sharp mind and deep ability to empathise.

I love each and all of these qualities in equal measures.

Through your lives my little ones, I know you will wonder whether I ever had a favourite – it's something every child questions.

But have no doubt the three of you have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible.

You are all my favourites.

Do you have a favourite child?

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