
As told to Ann DeGrey.
We've always been a very emotional family; we're all very loud and full of opinions. There's always some drama bubbling away. There's never anything too outrageous, just the usual stuff. Someone's feelings get hurt, someone else overreacts and then, after a few weeks, it all settles down again.
The last big blow-up was about my sister's 30th. She didn't want anyone to bring partners, even long-term ones. It turned into a whole saga about exclusions and passive-aggressive text messages. But eventually, it blew over like it always does.
A few months later, the next family storm arrived; this time caused by me. It started with my Mum's birthday. I was helping her organise it, and I asked if she was inviting her oldest friend, Helen*. They'd known each other since they were teenagers, but Mum shook her head and said no. Apparently, Helen always makes sly little comments about Mum's house and the way she looks.
Watch: Kate Langbroek's son Lewis shares what he really thinks of her parenting. Post continues below.
"I don't need that energy, she can be such a b****," my mum said.
I was surprised. Helen could be blunt, yes, but I always thought they had the kind of friendship where you say what you think and move on. Also, Helen is the one friend who has always been there for Mum. But Mum was firm and said she didn't want to include her friend.
It rubbed me up the wrong way. Maybe because Mum has always had a streak of self-importance that grates on me, especially when things aren't going her way. And maybe because I hadn't fully dealt with how angry I still was about how she left our dad.
So I messaged my sister on WhatsApp, firing it off while I was busy with my kids, so I wasn't really thinking.
I wrote: Mum's being selfish again. Not inviting Helen is just typical. No surprise really, she's been selfish her whole life.
I pressed send. And then I realised. Holy sh**! I hadn't messaged my sister directly. I'd sent it to the family group chat! Mum, my three siblings, my aunty and two cousins. Everyone.
I felt sick to my stomach. I tried to delete it, but it was too late, everyone had seen it. Mum had already replied with a single line:
Wow. Good to know how you really feel.
Listen: Is gentle parenting helping or hurting us? This Glorious Mess unpacks the divide. Post continues below.
I sat down on the kitchen floor and stared at my phone, feeling dreadful. How could I do something so stupid?
I texted her separately right away, apologising, saying I hadn't meant for her to read that, that I'd said it in frustration. She didn't reply.
Then the replies started coming in from others. My sister said nothing at first. My brother messaged, "You crossed a line."
Within an hour, the whole family chat was blowing up. Some people defending Mum, some saying I was out of order, others pretending they hadn't read anything and just changing the subject, awkwardly. I wanted to disappear.
Mum didn't speak to me for three weeks. When we finally talked, it was very cold. She said she was deeply hurt. That it's one thing to think those things, another to put them in writing. She told me I clearly hadn't forgiven her for leaving Dad, and maybe I never would.
And the truth is: maybe I haven't.
When I was seventeen, Mum told us she was divorcing dad. Then she quickly moved on with someone else. Dad was kind and loving; he didn't deserve it. She moved out, and mum seemed happier for a while, but that relationship didn't last. And none of us ever really talked about it again.
I thought I'd moved on, but clearly something's still stuck inside me.
Since the message, everything's different. I still see Mum, but it's formal now, like a business meeting. She doesn't talk to me about anything personal anymore, she keeps things polite and distant.
My siblings are divided. Some say I was just venting. Others think I'm the b**** of the year.
I've always prided myself on being the peacemaker in the family. I'm the one who listens, who smooths over the cracks. But now I'm the one who blew it up.
All because of one message sent to the wrong chat.
I don't know if things with Mum will ever go back to how they were. Maybe this was a long time coming. Maybe the message just said what I've been avoiding for years.
At least I got it off my chest and the truth about my feelings are finally out there.
For more stories about family tension, and navigating complex relationships, Mamamia recommends:
Feature: Getty