The death of the family dinner table.

It all started, as so many arguments do, with a Pinterest board. 

I'd spent hours poring over thumbnails of pristine dining rooms trying to create a vision of what I wanted for my dream dining nook. You know, those corner banquette booths with throw pillows every family in an American sitcom seems to have? 

I wanted one for all our important family conversations (our daughter is four, so it's mostly conversations about "poo-poo heads" at this stage) and to host dinner parties (we have never hosted one before, but a booth seat might change that?) 

Listen to The Quicky discuss the death of the dining table. Post continues below.

But when I proudly showed my husband the dining table I'd painstakingly selected and added to my board, he scoffed.

SCOFFED.

"Why are you worried about the dining table when we sit on the lounge to eat most nights?"

Was he correct? Yes.

Was I still offended? Absolutely.

Like most millennials and Gen X'ers, I grew up eating at a dinner table where there were no screens, no elbows on the table and you had to excuse yourself when you were finished.

And still today, eating dinner as a family is seen as a cornerstone of "good parenting," with experts touting its benefits when it comes to nutrition, socialisation and increased academic performance.

It's also hammered into us that parents must model good eating habits for their children, so when my daughter started solids, we sat together as she flung multicoloured mash around the room. But somewhere along the line, our dining table became the dumping ground for books, daycare artwork and random "bits" of toys that I knew belonged somewhere… but just not exactly sure where.

Occasionally, we'd clear the mess to one side and eat together as a family, but most of the time our toddler was hungry early, so we'd sit with her on her playmat to eat, then collapse onto the lounge after she'd gone to bed to eat in peace. And it just stuck.

It's one of those things I've added to my long list of 'Ways I'm Screwing Up My Child', but an article in Slate this month made it clear it's a source of tension for most modern parents.

The author, Dawn Teh, spoke of a 2022 survey which showed 76 per cent of baby boomers grew up eating meals with their families every day, while only 46 per cent of millennials and just 38 per cent of Gen Z report having the same experience.

"The decline isn't a result of disbelief in its benefits — 62 per cent of parents say they want to have more frequent family meals. But making it happen is another story," she wrote.

"Some are juggling different dietary needs within the family, while others have health issues that require some members to eat at odd hours.

"Then there's the universal barrier facing all parents: getting meals on the table feels like the second shift after your actual full-time job. What we can see — the grocery shopping, preparing ingredients, cooking, and cleaning up — is only part of the hassle."

The reality is, most families now have two working parents, so the chance of having a home-cooked meal on the table by 5.30pm is akin to solving a Rubik's cube in two minutes (possible, but very stressful and very unlikely).

Then there are the screens.

Watch: Kate Langbroek's son Lewis gives his brutally honest take on her parenting. Post continues below.

Homes that once featured a dining table as the centrepiece now have an assortment of large, medium and small screens distracting us from each other at every turn. 

They are, on the other hand, a brilliant source of distraction for fussy little eaters so you can stealthily shovel food into their mouths, which explains why many parents see them as a saviour at mealtimes. 

Another significant factor contributing to the decline is real estate. 

The state of living now means people who grew up in houses are now parenting their children in apartments where space is limited.

High-density living means there's simply no space for a dining table that doesn't also function as a laundry folding station and handbag holder, and the number of families with children in apartments has increased by 56 per cent since 2011, according to SBS.

So is all hope lost if you're not sitting together as a family every night?

I asked parent educator, mum-of-four and host of Mamamia's How To Build A Universe podcast, Gen Muir.

Listen: Jessie Stephens and Amelia Lester discussing the death of the dinner table on Parenting Out Loud. Post continues below. 

"The village has changed, there is more financial pressure than ever and we are living and working differently. But it's not all bad news. Millennial parents actually spend more time playing with, talking to and interacting with their kids while working a job either part or full time than parents who were full-time stay-at-home parents in the 1970s, so it's really important to remember there is a lot we are actually doing with and for our children," she told Mamamia.

"When it comes to the dinner table, I can see why parents are struggling to get there every night. One of the reasons when kids are very little is that toddlers are not very much fun to have a meal with. And then our kids get older, and they are scheduled up to their eyeballs in activities. So many parents will not be coming in the door from the shift of taking kids to their nightly sports or reps programs until 8.30 at night, many nights. And so families will eat in separate ways."

Gen says there are different ways to have those moments of connection without all sitting together for a meal.

"It's about tiny little moments of delight with our kids. It might be driving a child to sport and saying, 'I love it when it's just you and I in the car, even though its at 6am and I'm just taking you to volleyball'," she said.

"The other thing to think about is that we can create rituals anytime. In my family, we play a game every time we have a family meal together called 'high-low buffalo'. The high is the high of your day, the low is the low of your day, and the buffalo is something you want everybody to know. Through this ritual of sharing, when we do have family meals, we have a little bit of familiarity, which makes kids feel safe and connected, and this is how we form those memories and those bonds that will last long term.

"So I would say to any parents who are feeling really rushed and pushed, that it isn't about quantity. It's about the quality of those interactions."

Want more stories about how modern life is reshaping parenting? Here are a few you'll love:

• The death of the sleepover.

• 'We cancelled family dinners and something magic happened.'

• A weekend uniform rule and 6 other parenting shortcuts for when patience has left the chat.

Feature: Getty.