'I’m a parenting expert and there’s a new parenting trend that could do more harm than good.'

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Apparently it's goodbye gentle parenting, hello 'F— around and find out' parenting.

Or 'FAFO' for short.

But according to parenting expert Gen Muir, it could be crossing a dangerous line.

A viral article doing the rounds by the Wall Street Journal highlights an emerging parenting style centred on ditching the softer approach to raising kids that's dominated recent years.

Now, we're supposedly meant to 'out-feral their feral'.

Watch: Gen Muir on Mamamia's How To Build A Universe podcast. Post continues below.

Think: natural consequences on high octane.

Like if they forgot their raincoat? They can get wet. Didn't feel like meat and three veg for dinner? Starve until breakfast.

And that same toy left on the floor again? It will be in the bin under the meat and veg that was dismissed at dinner.

The ideology stems from the belief (of people who are adopting FAFO parenting) that Gen Z's 'snowflake issues' in the workplace and mental health struggles stem from a gentle parenting style that has been, well, too gentle.

The article quotes some pretty extreme examples: throwing a child into a pond for spraying his mum with a water gun, and joint sibling 'spanking'.

In one case, when an eight-year-old kept having toileting accidents, his mum figured he was just ignoring the urge to go when he was having fun.

So she made him spend his own pocket money on new underwear.

Turns out it was actually a medical issue, which thankfully got sorted. She apologised to her son, but didn't give him his money back because he'd lied and tried to hide what was happening.

Our expert's take on FAFO.

Parenting expert Gen Muir has some strong feelings and feedback about this.

"These examples aren't 'tough love.' They're just unkind," she told Mamamia.

"It's simply never good to be unkind or to treat kids in a way we'd never treat an adult. And we now know from the evidence that this can leave long-lasting scars... we now know better."

But Gen isn't advocating for permissive parenting, either. She believes there's a crucial middle ground that many parents are missing.

"Let's be clear: Yes, children need limits. Yes, parenting without boundaries doesn't work well for kids or for parents. And yes, natural consequences can be powerful."

"But the idea that cruelty, humiliation, or random punishments somehow build resilience? That's not discipline; it's confusing for kids and likely to evoke shame."

The problem with gentle parenting.

According to Gen, the issue isn't with gentle parenting itself, but with how it has been communicated and understood.

"Gentle parenting was meant to be a balance of connection and boundaries. But somewhere along the way, the 'firm' part didn't get communicated clearly. Many modern parents know what not to do — no yelling, no smacking — but weren't shown what to do instead."

"That's left people feeling confused and exhausted, not because the approach doesn't work, but because they were given half the roadmap."

She explained that kids do best when limits are both firm and kind. This is a hard balance to strike, but the good news is we don't need to get it right or perfect.

Listen: Mamamia Out Loud share their thoughts on FAFO. Post continues below.

Understanding natural consequences vs. punishment.

Gen makes an important distinction between natural consequences and arbitrary punishments.

"Natural consequences are not the same as punishments. A natural consequence makes sense in the moment; for example, 'it's cold, grab your jacket.' If they didn't, they'd get cold."

"It's not 'if you hit your sibling, there is no dessert'. These kinds of consequences have been shown to confuse kids and increase the behaviour we are trying to stop."

"As child psychologist Ross Greene says, 'Kids do well if they can.' If they can't, our job is to ask why, not punish them into silence."

"When we rush to punishments, we miss the opportunity to understand what's really going on."

The long-term impact on FAFO.

Gen warned punitive approaches can damage the parent-child relationship in ways that matter most when children become teenagers.

"Punishing a child for struggling doesn't teach responsibility, it teaches shame, and it teaches kids not to come to us. So they hide things like the kid with his accidents."

Most of us grew up with authoritarian parenting, Gen explained.

"All firm, no kind. Think: 'Go to your room,' or 'If you bite me, I bite you.' It might stop behaviour in the moment, but it often teaches kids to hide things from us, like the child who wet his pants and covered it up. That's not learning how to read his body. That's fear and shame."

The bottom line.

Gen's approach is refreshingly practical and focused on the long game.

"The truth is, modern parenting is really hard. No label, not gentle, not FAFO, not helicopter or anything else will ever sum us up completely. Because we are all much more complex than that."

"As a mum of four boys, the one thing I want is this: when my kids are 16 and something goes wrong, they think, 'I know who to call, I know who can help me'."

"And they will call me, because I have proven that I can love them in the good moments and in the hard ones. That I haven't pushed them away when things were tough."

"Kids don't need perfect parents, they don't need parents who never yell or snap. That's just being human. But they do deserve to be treated with kindness. So when we muck up we say sorry, and we keep trying to show up for them."

Her final advice cuts through all the parenting trend noise: "Yes, be firm. Yes, hold the line even when they don't like it."

"But don't be an arsehole about it, or they'll think, 'whatever happens… I can't call Mum.'"

Feature Image: Supplied.

Gen Muir is a Parent Educator, mum of four, and host of Mamamia's How To Build a Universe podcast.

You can get Gen Muir's step-by-step training program on how to respond to sibling conflict here. Or find her on Instagram @connectedparentingau