"You only need 9 minutes a day." An expert on exactly how long it takes to connect with your kids.

For busy parents who want to build a strong connection with their kids, Genevieve Muir, the founder of Connected Parenting and co-host of the How To Build A Human podcast, made in partnership with LEGO^® DUPLO^®, has some good news. 

Muir says that parents only need to spend NINE minutes a day to play, and those nine minutes can make a huge difference to our kids' development. 

"We don't always realise how important play is for kids," Muir tells Mamamia.

"In the past there was a heavy focus on training and teaching our babies the alphabet with things like flash cards, but we know now that play is actually the work of childhood. When we play, we're in a flow state and our brain can learn so much faster than when using repetitive learning techniques."

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Once we understand how important play is to a child's development, parents need to work out ways we can help foster and encourage them to play creatively at home. Muir says a little preparation is key.

"We need to encourage kids to get down on the floor and play, but we can help them get started by rotating the toys we put out.

"You might decide to do crafts, play with LEGO^® DUPLO^® bricks, or go outside. You almost want to set up a scene so that they're not overwhelmed by too many toys and presenting fewer toys or activities is a good way to start. Think about making sure they're fed and that it's a safe environment where you can walk away and let them play independently."

Once you've prepped the area and your kids have had something to eat, Muir has some great ideas of ways to play that will keep your kids intrigued and entertained.

"Take an existing toy and move it to a new environment, so you might take a bucket of dinosaurs and set it up on your back deck on a picnic rug and have a dino picnic! As we come into summer, try just adding water and getting outside. You might paint the fence with a paintbrush and some water which can keep a toddler happy for hours!"

Muir says that play doesn't have to be complicated but that a bit of creativity, silliness, and mess can be good.

"Why not build a fort or cubby under the dining room table and then put some of their books or toys under it with them? I really encourage messy play where they can just get dirty. Older kids might prefer to do some art or hit a cricket ball in the backyard.

"Playing is anything where the kids can lose track of time and have fun. It's daydreaming and watching a ladybug on a leaf, dancing about to music, or being silly and rumbling with the kids. It's all good as long as it's something that your child is enjoying and you're enjoying with them. Then you connecting and that's sort of beautiful."

As a mum of four boys, Muir has plenty of experience of play and has seen the subsequent benefits first hand. 

She says that not only is play the best way for kids to learn emotional 'EQ' skills such as sharing and teamwork, but that it helps them to feel connected and loved.

"Children are wired to connect with us and it's through that connected play that we fill their emotional cup and make them feel really loved. Children can't process love in the same way we do as adults. The words 'I love you' are quite abstract, so the way they process love is through time with us. That's their love language!"

Muir has some tips to make sure those nine minutes of daily play are as effective as possible.

"It's got to be one-on-one with no distractions, so put the phone away or do it when the baby is napping so you can really sink into it. 

"Get down on the floor with them and you've got to really follow their lead with the play. Often as adults, we've got these preconceived ideas and we want them to build the LEGO^®  DUPLO^® tower a certain way, but it's really about listening to them and letting them direct the play. That's the beauty of the creativity that kids innately have, and as parents we need to get out of the way and have fun joining in with them!"

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Something Muir likes parents to consider when playing with their kids, is asking and encouraging gentle questions.

"As adults, we ask our kids' questions like, 'What's the spaceman going to do?' or 'Where does the cow go?' And questions are good. But if we add the concept of wonder, it's a lot less threatening for kids.

"So we can say, 'I wonder is the cow going to go to bed or have some food? It encourages creative thinking because when we wonder they get to wonder along with us, and feel encouraged rather than hurried to come up with an answer.

"It's also in play that our kids might ask us a question - kids have a lot of questions! It's a perfect opportunity to once again use wonder and rather than quickly answering it, wonder out loud what your child thinks the answer is, as it gives them a chance to work it out for themselves."

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We all want resilient kids and Muir says that play is the perfect way to learn about and build resilience as things don't always go to plan!

"Your child might build a LEGO^® DUPLO^®  tower and it falls over, or they can't quite climb the tree their friend can. 

"Instead of trying to fix the tower or the problem, you say, 'Oh, no, your tower fell, you're really sad! I wonder what we can do now?' And just by being alongside them and allowing that emotion, they actually have time to process the disappointment and then get back up again in a safe environment, which is how they practice resilience. 

"You might play a card game with your child, and actually beat them. And that can feel really harsh as a parent, but actually it's kind because you're giving them that opportunity in a safe and loving environment to lose and to cry because they wanted to win. And what we do is we support them in that emotion by saying, 'Yeah, I get it. It's hard to lose and maybe next time you'll be the winner.'"

Muir says that when we play, we can be too quick to heap praise on our kids, which she says isn't necessarily a good thing.

"I tell parents to limit praise but welcome effort. We're very quick to say, 'Good job!' or 'You're so clever,' but praise doesn't foster as much connection as when we focus on a child's effort.

"When I'm working with parents, I say to them, 'How can we turn praise into a connection?' You can commentate out loud and say, 'Wow, you've been really focusing on your drawing, you really enjoy that at the moment. I've noticed that about you.' That fosters a lot more connection to notice the effort behind the achievement and it enables that intrinsic motivation; that 'need' to learn something for the sake of it, and not for the sake of praise." 

Muir says that play is all about getting back to basics and using our imagination in our otherwise very busy lives.

"[Kids and families] are so over scheduled. We need to make sure that there's some free time and often the best play follows a moment where you keep going to be bored. 

"You've got to turn off the television and kind of say, 'Let's go outside' and just see what happens. The next thing they're up in a tree and they're imagining they are sailing off to sea or whatever it is. It's about pushing through some discomfort and changing the environment to find that bit of magic."

Genevieve Muir is an obstetric social worker, parent educator and mum to four boys with a passion for helping parents in the first five years of parenting. Gen works in a busy maternity hospital in Sydney, and also works privately with families though online programs, parenting groups, and one-on-one sessions. You can find her on Instagram,  Facebook, or on her website.

Hear more tips from Gen on How To Build A Human made in partnership with LEGO^® DUPLO^®. Big play. Big future, listen now wherever you get your podcasts!

Feature Image: Getty.