Expecting a boy? Here are 6 things that freaked out new mums.

We bet you never saw these things coming.

Congratulations you’ve grown a penis. That’s quite an achievement.

I know one Mum who even grew five. All in four years.

(Can you imagine how many times a day she hears the phrase “that’s quite a handful”)?

It’s a bit of a foreign land isn’t it? The penis. The doodle. The pee-pee. The winky-tinky. But that’s just it though. As good as we are at those grown up penises (come on don’t blush) when it comes to those teeny tiny ones it’s a foreign land.. a loooonnngggg way away.

But congrats mum-to-be you are having a boy, so it’s time to step up and deal with that dangly thing inside your little guy’s nappy. I’m here to make sure you are prepared. Yeah yeah you’ve got three giant boxes of nappies and more burp cloths than you new existed.

You’ve folded all those tiny button down onsies and examined in great detail exactly how to get the organic baby wipes into the re-usable container.

Now it’s time for a reality check. Your little fella is going to come out hollering his head off, covered in slimy goo and with a set between his legs that is going to make you gasp.

1. Baby boys are born with really big testicles.

Don’t be shocked, it’s not a permanent state of affairs. Before your partner starts to take the credit remind him of this fact. It’s got nothing to do with genetics it’s due to the pressure exerted your newborn during birth, and by fluid trapped in his tissue.

All babies when they are born have mum's hormones swirling about their bodies, in boys it can cause swollen balls.

2. Erections.

You are having trouble reading past that header right? The association of a chubbie and your snuggly bundle of baby-blue newness. Yeah sorry ‘bout that, but better to be forewarned right?

Those baby boners are completely natural, but I have to say they make things damn awkward when you are struggling to get a nappy on.

3. He will pee in your face.

In your hair, perhaps your mouth, most definitely your arms. It’s just the general direction seems determinedly face ways.

So be alert. Oh, and when those baby boners happen… be extra careful.

 4. He’s got a brand new toy between his legs and he ain't gonna let it go.

It starts around seven months.. and it stops.. er well, it doesn’t. It’s like baby’s first Christmas – a brand new toy, right under the tree

ALL THE TIME.

The minute you take off that nappy he will tug and pull and twist and mangle. Over and over again. It’s there, it dangles, it changes shape (yeah those baby boners again) and it is all his.

If this bothers you, get over it. It is completely natural and just wait till he has brothers, you get double the pee-pee play.

5. His nipples might leak milk.

Er yeah. You weren’t prepared for that were you? There is nothing wrong it is from your hormones racing around. It will go.

6. He’s gonna love you like no one has before.

You might have thought that being female you would bond more with a daughter. You might have imagined a pretty little family with mum and daughter having pedis and Dad kicking a ball with Bob-Junior in the backyard.

I’m here to tell you that this little boy you have given birth to is going to take over your world. Your daughter will love you, but be perfectly happy to be the independent little miss she was born to be.

Boys need their mums. Boys want to cuddle and touch and caress and kiss and be near their mummies. Boys will fight over who can hold your hand and cry when they leave you.

Boys will have eyes for no other woman but you (for now). No one is prettier, no one is lovelier, there is no one they adore more.

Your son will consume you with love. Enjoy it.

What are some things that freaked you out as a new mum?

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