Carla and Gwen are sisters who barely speak. This is the simple homework that forced them to reconnect.

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Sisters Carla, 45, and Gwen, 52, came to therapy seeking to repair a fraught and fractured sisterhood.

Despite acknowledging the deep-seated family dynamic of emotional silence, "We don't talk about stuff", they were stuck in a painful cycle of misunderstanding and withdrawal. Carla yearned for warmth and connection, while Gwen craved honesty and the ability to truly rely on her sister.

As the therapist guiding their sessions, it became clear that decades of unaddressed family roles and radically different emotional styles were preventing them from moving forward.

Watch: This Is Why We Fight is letting you listen in on real life therapy. Post continues below.

The core conflict: Different realities and emotional containment.

The central issue driving their disconnect was a clash between two different realities and their unique ways of expressing emotion.

The clashing emotional styles

• Carla's emotional expression: Carla is the sister with "big feelings". She wears her emotions "on her sleeve" and can become easily overwhelmed. This approach, learned through childhood in a family that responded to her large emotions with a request to "stop it now", makes her feel profoundly misunderstood.

• Gwen's emotional containment: Gwen, ironically, is emotionally expressive outside the family (her friends and colleagues call her "a crier" ), but around the family, she puts her "big sister face on" and shuts down.

When Carla expresses a need, Gwen interprets it as an "emotional burden" or a "victim mentality" she cannot take on, causing her to withdraw. Meanwhile, Carla sees Gwen's emotional distance and coldness, which reinforces Carla's fear that she is unwanted.

The accountability barrier

Gwen's core need is for Carla to demonstrate accountability and follow-through. This barrier is strengthened by decades of what Gwen perceives as Carla denying her actions or lying, such as repeatedly being upset after family gatherings, but not admitting it.

For example, Gwen recalled Carla crying at a sports event, but Carla strongly denied this, explaining her watery eyes were due to allergies and wind. While Carla believed this was an honest explanation, Gwen experienced it as further defensiveness and minimising of her true feelings, making it difficult to find a single source of truth to hold onto.

The therapeutic solution: New roles and shared understanding.

To break the deep-rooted patterns of irritation, placation, and withdrawal, the work focused on introducing transparency and new interaction patterns.

Homework: Bridging the information gap

Both sisters were assigned highly personal homework: writing a list of up to 40 things they wanted the other to know about them. The list contained things they'd never shared, including big upheavals, career challenges, and trauma, all in an effort to bridge the information gap and deepen understanding.

• Gwen's L=list revealed she has carried an unbelievable amount of trauma and struggles, which explained her contained and protective nature. Carla realised Gwen felt alone and unsupported.

• Carla's list revealed her deep personal work and intentions to be there, clarifying to Gwen that her inconsistent showing up wasn't due to not caring, but scheduling conflicts.

The circuit breaker strategy

The core strategy moving forward is to acknowledge and name the toxic pattern when it occurs.

1. Gwen's part (lowering defensiveness): Gwen needs to lower her frustration when triggered and commit to curiosity over accusation. When Carla appears evasive, Gwen must pull from her limited "reserve" of patience to ask gently, "Are you scared I'm going to get angry?" instead of reacting with hostility.

2. Carla's part (finding honesty): Carla needs to practice voicing her truth without placating her sister. She needs to call out the negative patterns and commit to showing up consistently, understanding that every small act of following through builds trust.

3. Communication structure: They need to establish predictable communication times (like a brief phone call or chat every X amount of time) to maintain a connection, otherwise, the distance will continue.

Listen to the full podcast episode with Carla and Gwen here. Post continues after audio.

Universal takeaways: The family gravitational pull.

The experience of Carla and Gwen is instructive for anyone navigating family dynamics:

• Emotional mismatches are hard: When family members have drastically different emotional styles, it creates a constant, unintentional misinterpretation. The person who is less demonstrative must recognise that their containment can feel like coldness, while the emotional person must contain their expression to be heard.

• Family gravitational pull: It's incredibly hard to break family roles, the eldest sister remains the stoic mother figure, and the emotional younger sister feels misunderstood. Returning to family triggers this "gravitational pull," regressing adults back to childhood coping mechanisms.

• Intentions vs. Impact: Your actions are judged on their impact, not your intention. Even if Carla's intention was good, the impact on Gwen was frustration and feeling disregarded because the commitment wasn't solid.

Carla and Gwen are both taking the enormous step of breaking the emotional silence of their family and committing to an awkward, clunky process of trying to communicate honestly, an act of profound love that is essential for healing a fractured sisterhood.

Feature Image: Supplied.