'I've gone no-contact with my family. Here's how I cope during the holidays.'

It was August last year that Rhonda reached her breaking point and decided to cut ties with her mother and sisters for good.

Her family dynamic had been tricky for years, but things truly came to a head when her father died in a car accident.

Until then, Rhonda had stayed in a "toxic and controlling" marriage with the father of her two sons. Her father's death changed her perspective, and Rhonda worked up the courage to leave her "narcissistic" partner.

"I had wanted to leave many times before, but my children were five and eight years old. I stayed for them, thinking it was the right thing to do," she told Mamamia. 

Watch: Family therapist explains increasing estrangement between children and parents. Post continues after video.

When Rhonda met her second husband, Mark, it seemed like everything was falling into place. He was a generous man and together, the couple helped financially support Rhonda's family.

Then, in 2019, Mark was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer. Two months later, Rhonda was told she had breast cancer. Mark sadly died in January 2020. 

"It was one of the hardest times in my life," Rhonda recalled.. "Grieving for the loss of my husband, while going through chemotherapy with a double mastectomy, reconstruction and radiation still ahead of me."

At the time, Rhonda and her two sons — now 20 and 17 — decided not to tell her ex-partner about her breast cancer diagnosis, as he had been callous about Mark's diagnosis. Unbeknownst to Rhonda, he would later find out.

After Mark's death, Rhonda continued to financially assist her mother and two of her four sisters. She felt it was her duty. But as the years rolled on, she couldn't ignore the red flags.

"My mother's back-stabbing, negative and toxic behaviour put a massive wedge and destroyed our family," Rhonda claimed. "As her family crumbled and was being destroyed around her, my mother had no remorse for her unacceptable behaviour.

"Two of my sisters didn't want contact with mum and therefore stopped contact with the whole family."

In August 2023, Rhonda decided to follow suit, severing ties after her mother's partner confronted her about her new car. 

"He pointed to the carpark and said, 'You didn't need to spend so much money on that car,' she told Mamamia. "He banged on about other things that were none of his business.

"I later found out that mum had gone through some of my personal documents. I had been asking my two sisters numerous times if they needed to help support mum financially and not just leave it up to me, but they kept saying that they didn't have the money."

By this point, Rhonda had loaned her youngest sister $30,000 and was awaiting repayment. When Rhonda refused to lend more money to her eldest sibling, the disgruntled sister told Rhonda's ex-partner about her breast cancer diagnosis. 

"I could no longer deal mentally and emotionally with my mother and sisters' behaviour," Rhonda shared. "I told my Mum I would no longer be helping her financially, and that it was time my two sisters stood up and helped her. I also then told my sisters I didn't want anything to do with them."

After years of emotional and financial stress, this was not a "spur of the moment" decision for Rhonda.

"I had really taken my time to think about what I was going to say and the implications of what I was going to say," she explained.

A week later, Rhonda's mum rang a good friend of her daughter's to express concern for her mental health and her finances.

"She went on and on about other stuff which she must have been holding onto for years. But the thing that upset me the most was her saying that I must have brain cancer which would explain why I was behaving the way I was," Rhonda claimed.

The phone call cemented her decision to go no-contact. Now, the mother-of-two has never felt so "light and free".

"I had been keeping the peace for so many years in an attempt not to upset mum or my sisters, and hadn't realised the impact mentally and emotionally it was having on me until I walked away," Rhonda explained.

Of course, there have been times — particularly during the holidays — where Rhonda has been tempted to reconnect with her family, but these feelings are short-lived.

"I simply remind myself of why I no longer have contact with them," Rhonda told us. "Just because someone has the title of mum or sister means nothing. It is a person's actions that count."

Protecting her emotional boundaries during the holidays is significant for Rhonda, who has blocked her mum and sisters' mobile numbers and social media accounts. 

"Love is supposed to be unconditional, but often the people we love the most are the ones who cross our boundaries," she said. "They think that because we love them, they can. People know what my boundaries are, and I now pull people up when they cross them as soon as it happens.

"My health is my number one priority, and I know I have been given a second chance in life. I honour myself now and put myself first so I can remain mentally, emotionally and physically strong and healthy. Not just for me, but for my boys."

These days, Rhonda has embraced new holiday activities and rituals with her sons and found family, as well as cherishing her time alone.

"Loneliness is a strange thing. People can be in a relationship and still be lonely. I am really fortunate to have a wonderful circle of friends and I keep myself busy," she said.

"In saying that, I do love my alone time as well. I love the gym and go three times a week. The gym is my happy place. I am also a clinical hypnotherapist, and December and January are always my busiest times. I keep my mind busy with work and relax by walking my dog."

For once, Rhonda "finds joy by doing what [she wants]" during the holidays.

"Last Christmas was so easy and simple not having to work around everyone's schedules," she explained. "My boys and I enjoyed a nice lunch and just relaxed by the pool. This year, I'm taking my boys down to Hobart and I'm really looking forward to just the three of us spending quality time together."

Out on the other side of her taxing family dynamic, the hypnotherapist has no regrets about her decision.

"Guilt was the reason I stayed in my first marriage longer than I should have," she said. "Not wanting the guilt of my boys having parents who were separated. Guilt was the reason I financially helped my mum and my sisters for so many years thinking that they were family, and I had to help them. 

"The only responsibility I have is to myself to live a life filled with passion, joy and excitement. Because I don't want to look back on my life and feel guilt for not doing or saying the things I wanted to."

Feature Image: Instagram/@rhondajansenhypnotherapy.