'I'm an ex escort. Women would often come to me to lose their virginity.'

As a professional companion, I was often contacted by women of all ages who’d had no prior experience in the bedroom, and personally, I was also a fairly late bloomer. 

When it did happen though, I clearly recall how my heart thumped with anticipation at the realisation that ‘the deed’ was finally going to happen with a real-life, similarly eager female human being, and how those butterflies quickly turned to bewilderment and outright confusion when I realised I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

Watch: Mamamia's sex survey asked Australia women intimate details about their sex lives and this is what they had to say. Post continues after video.

Now, almost 30 years later and through my experiences in the adult industry, I’ve been fortunate to have met several mature-aged virgins looking for their first sexual encounter, and the reasons for their abstinence varied. 

Many felt conflicted due to their religious beliefs. Others were insecure about their appearance. And sadly, some described traumatic childhood events that caused them to be particularly wary. 

Ultimately though, they simply hadn’t met someone they felt comfortable enough to share themselves with. Motivations aside, that childhood feeling of being ‘different’ and their need to fit in was never resolved. And that’s where I came in.

If this resonates with you, and you’re still waiting for your perfect partner, I can assure you that you are not alone. But should that special moment arise and you feel ready, here are a few suggestions I have to make your first time the best it can be:

Be upfront and be honest.

Ongoing, enthusiastic consent is essential for all sexual encounters, and especially for first-timers. You’ll be far less anxious if you can be open with how you want things to proceed – or even whether you want them to at all. Some clients very matter-of-factly asked me to just ‘get it done’, which, I assure you, was far more romantic than it sounds, while others preferred a slower introduction, spread over multiple bookings. When the time comes, it’s important that you feel confident enough to vocalise your preferences without pressure or a fear of being judged.

Relax and let yourself go!

Ideally, after some meaningful conversation and perhaps some champagne, you and your lucky partner have been able to establish an open, honest, and caring emotional connection. Now relax and let your body naturally react and explore your desires. Being with a virgin was always a unique and wonderful experience for me, where I guided but also encouraged my partner. I loved knowing that her pleasure was genuine and not influenced by the expectations of previous lovers. I've been with several women who reacted in ways they thought I’d like, and it usually showed. This was rarely the case when I was with a virgin, which made the experience just as special for me as it was for them. It was nice knowing that when those clients expressed their pleasure; they meant it because they knew no other way.

Advocate to lubricate.

In the escorting world, lubrication is essential, and for me, reaching for it at that crucial moment became instinctive, as too much friction is never a good thing. We’re not discussing the weather here, and moisture isn’t a barometer of arousal – especially during menopause. Even if things seem okay down there, believe me, lube just makes everything easier and far more erotic for both parties. I used to keep both water-based and silicone-based lube in the trusty toolkit I used for work. Water-based was necessary for those who reacted badly to silicone, and is available in different flavours for oral fun. I preferred silicone-based lube, though, because it isn’t as sticky, it lasts longer, and it can be used in the shower. Avoid old-school baby oil or Vaseline though, as they’re are messy, they stain the sheets and they can cause condoms to weaken and break.

Blood.

Speaking of mess, if everything goes to plan, you might find yourself tangled up in sheets, clothes strewn all over the floor and the room resembling something that would make Keith Moon proud. Okay, so this probably won’t be the case, but you will make a mess. There will almost always be a bit of blood when you have sex for the first time, or if it’s been a long time. There might only be a little bit of spotting, or it may be everywhere. Either way, it’s nothing to fear, it’s completely normal and if you plan for it, it won’t be an issue. Just grab a few towels, pop a couple on top of your sheets beforehand and one beside the bed for the trip to the bathroom afterwards. That way, your laundry (and any awkwardness) will be kept to a minimum. 

Stick with it.

For first-timers or those who haven't had sex in a while, lovemaking may be uncomfortable or even painful at first. Once client described it to me as a ‘stretching’ sensation, like pulling your thumb and index finger apart. But hopefully, you'll have taken your time to explore each other's bodies in other ways before this point, so you can slow things down if necessary and make sure you're both enjoying yourselves. It may be preferable to slow things down if it all becomes too much and no longer fun. It’s much better to end the night on a high, without pushing yourself just for the sake of it. A patient and loving partner will understand your limitations and give you space to decide when and if you want to try again.

And finally, try not to focus on climaxing. It’s actually quite rare to have an orgasm through penetration alone. They often require a lot of concentration and a long, steady rhythm to get there so in the meantime, have fun with your fingers, tongues and even toys – they can be just as erotic and are usually far more effective, anyway.

Feature Image: Supplied.