How to even start writing about what to do when a heartbreaking and terrifying event occurs on such a nationwide scale is something I've been thinking about for hours.
There is no right way of coping and processing something like this, and everyone will need something different. But there are some things that can help create safety — and ground us back to something we can hold on to — and that's humanity.
In times where it feels like the antithesis of humanity is the state of the world, being able to restore our sense of self, and agency in being able to decide how we respond rather than let events dictate our reaction can bring a tiny slice of purpose, hope and calm.
Even if you were not physically present, exposure through news, social media, or knowing someone affected can leave people feeling unsafe, devastated, distressed, scared, angry, numb, or overwhelmed.
These responses are normal reactions to an abnormal event.
Supporting yourself right now could include the below…
Listen to The Quicky cover the Jewish community's mourning after the Bondi Beach terror attack. Post continues below.
Limit your exposure to news.
Staying informed is important, but constant exposure can keep your nervous system in a state of high alert. Choose one or two trusted updates per day and avoid scrolling late at night.
Ground your body.
Trauma lives in the body. Simple grounding techniques can help signal safety when our minds are telling us it's not.
- Take slow, deep breaths, extending the exhale. Try 4, 7, 8 breathing or box breathing.
- Place your feet firmly on the ground and name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
- Gentle movement such as walking, stretching, or showering can help release tension without quickening the heart rate, we want to keep it slow.
Stick to basic routines.
It's important to keep a sense of normalcy even if that feels weird. Do your best to be eating regular meals, sleeping, getting outside, and maintaining small daily rituals.
It helps restore a sense of stability when the world feels unsafe.
Let your emotions come and go.
You might notice waves of sadness, fear, anger, or numbness. Try not to judge or suppress these responses.
Emotions often move through more easily when we allow them space. And don't judge yourself for any positive feelings, we can feel deep pain as well as joy and love at the same time, one doesn't take away from the other.
In fact, we need to hold on to the happier moments during the tough ones as much as we can.
Reach out.
Connection is one of the strongest buffers against trauma. Feeling quiet, and wanting some alone time is absolutely fine, and you may want to push back on certain tasks or events, which I strongly encourage.
But there's a difference between doing that and isolating yourself.
Ensure to remain connected to a couple of close loved ones even if it's via text, a quick call, a meme, or just sitting together being silly and talking about anything other than what's going on.
How to support someone who's struggling.
A lot of people don't know what to say when a tragedy occurs, and can unintentionally leave people feeling isolated when they don't reach out, in fear of saying the wrong thing.
But your presence matters most, not your words.
Listen without trying to fix.
You don't need to offer solutions. Simple statements like the below can be deeply regulating:
- "I'm really glad I can be here with you."
- "That sounds so hard."
- "Do you want to talk about it or take your mind off it?"
Avoid minimising or rushing healing.
Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "try to stay positive" can feel invalidating. Trauma doesn't follow a timeline.
We don't need to try and put a positive spin on something like this. Allowing it to be will show them you're willing to sit through the tough parts with them without trying to "look at the bright side."
Offer practical support.
Small gestures can help when someone is overwhelmed:
- Bringing a meal, cleaning for them, looking after their kids
- Walking with them, going for a drive, watching a show together.
- Checking in with a message a few days later, not just immediately. Support tends to drop off after a few days and people can feel more isolated in their struggle than ever in the weeks following a traumatic event.
Encourage professional support if needed.
If someone is experiencing persistent distress, panic, intrusive thoughts, or difficulty functioning, gently suggesting support from a GP or mental health professional can be helpful.
When to seek extra support for yourself.
Consider reaching out for professional help if you notice:
- Ongoing anxiety or panic.
- Nightmares or intrusive images.
- Feeling disconnected from yourself or others, isolating completely.
- Avoidance of places or activities that feel unsafe.
- A sense that things are not improving with time.
Needing support is not a sign of weakness. It is a healthy response to trying to cope with something deeply distressing.
Events like this can fracture our sense of safety, but they can also remind us of the importance of compassion, connection, and care. Healing often happens not in isolation, but in moments of shared humanity.
My thoughts and my heart is with everyone today as we all struggle together to grapple with the stark contrast of fear, anger and despair along with the moments of kindness, compassion and love that are streaming through.
Sarah Bays is a Clinical Psychotherapist and host of This Is Why We Fight. You can find her practice here: https://motivatedminds.com.au/
How to help following the Bondi Beach shooting.
In the aftermath of the Bondi Beach shooting, many people are searching for meaningful ways to help during the incredibly distressing time. If you're able:
You can support victims and their families by donating to verified GoFundMe fundraisers established in response to the attack here.
By giving blood at your nearest Australian Red Cross Lifeblood centre, to help those receiving medical care. Find your nearest donation centre here.
You can also pay your respects and share messages of support via the NSW Government's Online Condolence Book, which offers comfort and solidarity to those affected. You can sign the book here.
Feature image: Getty.
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