Ellen Pompeo is one of TV's best-paid actors. Here's what her life away from the spotlight looks like.

Ellen Pompeo is one of TV's best-paid actors, and one of its most iconic, thanks to her 17 years on Grey's Anatomy.

But little is known about Pompeo's private life, and she says that's been a conscious decision.

In 2003, Pompeo met her now-husband, record producer and writer Chris Ivery, at a grocery store in Los Angeles.

For six months, they were just friends. But as Ivery told People: "Then one night she just looked different to me."

The pair felt as though it was meant to be, especially since they had grown up in the same area in Boston and had similar friends, yet only met one another as adults.

"We were six degrees our whole lives, so I feel like we were sort of meant to be," Pompeo said.

By 2005, Pompeo was becoming a household name thanks to Grey's Anatomy. And as her profile increased, she tried to slide further and further away from the limelight — as well as keep her relationship on the down low.

But while we all know and love her as Meredith Grey, Pompeo revealed her husband hasn't really seen the show.

Appearing on Alex Cooper's Call Her Daddy podcast this week, Pompeo opened up about how she and Ivery support each other in their own way.

"I was with him before Grey's, so Grey's kinda came out of nowhere for us, and I just think we were on this crazy ride that, we were just trying to hang on for dear life," she said.

In 2006, news broke that Ivery had proposed to Pompeo, with the pair marrying in a quiet ceremony in New York City. "She just didn't want a big thing," Pompeo's father told the press.

They have since welcomed three children, choosing to keep their family life out of the public eye. And for good reason.

Watch: Ellen Pompeo calls out the lack of diversity in the room. Post continues below.

People would go as far as sending "racist, hateful, violent mail" to the actor and ABC, Pompeo said. But that was unfortunately nothing new for her husband, Ivery.

"The racial component of our relationship was really something that he never asked for," Pompeo said. "And I felt really more bad about that. I felt like the media was really mean to him and really biased, because how dare this skinny, blonde, petite little woman be with this tall black man? The visual of that — I think America wasn't ready for that."

However, their shared upbringing in Boston only brought them closer together.

"We're sort of two kids who made it out and then landed in Hollywood and jumped on this ride," she told Cooper. "We just couldn't believe that something was actually happening — that it was great, that I had this great job and we were getting to travel all over the world."

As her popularity exploded with the success of Grey's Anatomy, Pompeo knew she and Ivery always had each other to lean on.

"He's a big reason how I got through all that, because he did understand, because he is cut from the same cloth as I am," she said.

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Navigating motherhood.

In 2009, Pompeo and Ivery welcomed their first child, Stella Luna.

As Pompeo later recounted, "the writers and producers were really gracious" with Meredith's storyline on Grey's, putting Meredith in a hospital bed for most of the season, which allowed Pompeo to conceal her growing stomach.

In 2014, the couple had another daughter, Sienna May, and in 2016, they welcomed their son Eli Christopher.

Reflecting on family life in 2020, Pompeo told the Unbothered podcast that maintaining a stable income via Grey's Anatomy was always her priority, in order to support her kids.

"For me, personally, a healthy home life was so important to me — more important than a career," she said.

"I didn't grow up with a particularly happy childhood. So the idea that I have this great husband, these three beautiful children ... to have a happy home life was really something I needed. And so I made a decision to make money and not chase creative acting roles."

Ellen Pompeo at the premiere of her new show, Good American Family. Image: Getty. 

Pompeo has never been one to shy away from discussing her earnings, especially after her $20-million Grey's Anatomy salary was made public in 2018. Speaking to Call Her Daddy, Pompeo shared how she felt at that time.

"My manager at the time said something to me that literally hit me like a brick. He was like, 'Are you ready to be unpopular?'," she said. It's something that hadn't crossed her mind.

Pompeo explained that in order to deal with the criticism, she focused on using her privilege for good.

"When you make a lot of money as a woman, let's face it, you have power," she said. "So then, how can I take that power and do good with it? How can I amplify someone else? How can I help someone else? How can I lift up someone else who doesn't sit in the position of privilege that I sit in?"

As for the realities that parenting brings, Pompeo told the Huff Post that her kids have kept her humble — because they are very good at telling the brutal truth.

"I make a lot of mistakes. Kids are just so open and honest, and you could get down on yourself a lot as a parent… But you can't adopt a sort of victim's attitude, you have to adopt an optimistic, can do, 'how do I fix it?' attitude with kids!" she added.

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Given her children's heritage, it's been a priority for Pompeo and Ivery to teach their kids about the injustices in the world, and build them up to succeed.

"I'm already a super emotional person, and life can be quite painful for me sometimes because I feel things so deeply, and I feel things even more deeply now that I'm a parent.

"You worry so much about them, and it's really hard. We're living in a crazy, polluted, violent, angry world.

"There's a lot to be fearful of for them," she explained, noting that her fear levels have only increased as her children get older.

"My daughters are Black so it's very important to me that they see a lot of images of beautiful, powerful, strong Black women," Pompeo said to People in 2020.

"Every time there is a Black woman on a magazine cover, whether it is Kerry Washington or whoever it is, I make sure that magazine is in my house and on my table. For me, that's super important."

Stella Luna, Sienna May and Eli Christopher. Image: Instagram @ellenpompeo. 

A few years ago, Pompeo took part in an all-women panel interview for Net-a-Porter, alongside Gabrielle Union, Emma Roberts and Gina Rodriguez.

During that interview, she noticed something that made her feel uncomfortable: there were hardly any people of colour in the room.

When the on-camera discussion turned to issues of racial representation she decided to call out Net-a-Porter for what she saw.

"This day has been incredible, and there's a tonne of women in the room, but I don't see enough colour, and I didn't see enough colour when I walked in the room today," she said about the crew behind the scenes.

"When I show up on set, I would like to see the crew look like the world that I walk around in every day. As Caucasian people, it's our job, it's our task, it's our responsibility to make sure that we speak up in every single room we walk into, that this is not okay, and we can all do better. It's our job, because we've created the problem."

Reflecting on the clip that went viral, Pompeo said it was important to her to speak up. Not only for her children's sake, but to raise a wider issue and make the point publicly.

Ellen Pompeo and her family this week at a Dolce & Gabbana show. Image: Instagram @dolchegabbana 

It's a sentiment she has continued to push, particularly amid the Black Lives Matter movement around George Floyd's murder. So when asked during an interview what she wants to teach her kids, she said she wanted them all to be vocal and stand up for causes they're passionate about.

"When something doesn't feel right or seem right, or you see something that isn't right, speak up," she said.

"Whether it's your own body or your own experience, or you see someone else doing something to someone else, speak up, do not be silent. Don't worry about what people think of you.

"I wish someone had told me that when I was young… You can't worry about what people think of you, because they are too busy wondering what you're thinking of them!"

This article was first published in July 2022 and has been updated.

Feature Image: Getty/Instagram @dolcegabbana.