These are the 8 dates you need to go on to know if you're compatible with someone.

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I don't think I have eight dates left in me. 

Not this year. Not this lifetime. Not in this godforsaken dating economy. 

But apparently, that's the new trend. There's a scientifically backed theory (read: a viral TikTok) claiming you need eight full dates to truly know if you're compatible with someone. 

As in, eight separate calendar events, eight different outfits and eight separate opportunities for me to overthink what it meant when he said he "had fun" instead of "had so much fun". 

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I get the logic.

You probably do need to experience a range of situations before deciding whether you actually like someone. But at this point, I'd settle for one date that doesn't end with "we should do this again sometime" followed by a three-week ghosting period where our only contact is him leaving random fire emoji reacts on my Instagram stories. 

Dating in 2025 feels less like a romantic pursuit, and more like a team-building exercise that involves a number of failed and awkward trust falls. There's an entire new vocabulary around modern dating — soft launching, hard launching, ghosting, slow fading, "talking stage", "seeing each other", "exclusive", "not exclusive but also kind of exclusive", "existing on just vibes" — and you need a linguistics degree just to understand what you are to someone.

It is exhausting. 

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But despite all of these new words and overcommunication about our statuses, the majority of us singletons are somehow chronically under-committed. We are paralysed by choice but burned out by small talk. We are constantly meeting (and swiping on) new people, but we are feeling more and more disconnected with each passing day.

It is less of a dating pool, and more of a dating puddle — and yes, it is as shallow and dirty and grim as it sounds, trust me. 

So, yes, the idea of eight dates sounds kind of reasonable… in theory. But in practice? In this dating landscape, eight dates feels like a full-blown relationship. Investing that much time in someone is the emotional equivalent of a year in therapy, except instead of working on yourself, you're just trying to figure out why he still has photos of his ex on Instagram. 

But, for the sake of science (and content), I've decided to look into this so-called Eight Date Theory. 

Here's what the "scientifically-recommended" dates are, and respectfully, my thoughts. 

The casual coffee date.

"I am not caffeinated enough to pretend to be chill, k thanks." Image: Getty

It is supposed to be low pressure; just two people sipping on lattes and pretending to be relaxed. But to me, coffee dates always feel like a job interview where the role is "girlfriend who doesn't talk too loudly and also doesn't have too many opinions". 

It is 10am. I am under-caffeinated and I am somehow trying to prove I am both cool and emotionally stable. Spoiler: I am neither. Which probably explains why I never get the job.

The activity date.

If he says "you're supposed to get the ball in the hole" I'm leaving. Image: Getty.

A walk. Mini golf. Bowling. Apparently this one is meant to test "playful compatibility" but what it really tests is whether he laughs when you fall over or mansplains technique during putt-putt. 

This is the date where the façade cracks and suddenly he's weirdly competitive and I'm incredibly sweaty and romance dies somewhere near the fifth hole (likely the one with the windmill).

The fancy dinner date.

I hope this is what he has in mind. Image: Getty.

You've passed the first few tests and now you are seated face-to-face under dim lighting. I am pretending to be chill while secretly checking my teeth for herbs. 

This is where you discover if he's a talker, a listener, or a man who describes himself as a "good communicator" but interrupts you every time you start a sentence. 

The group hangout date.

"These are my friends and they have definitely already cyber stalked you." Image: Getty.

One of the most terrifying milestones? Meeting each other's friends. 

Your friends will debrief afterwards like an intelligence agency — tone analysis, body language decoding, predicted attachment style — and decide if he's worth your time before you do (and they will usually be right).

His friends will absolutely forget your name the moment you leave.

The spontaneous date.

This date is meant to prove how "go-with-the-flow" you both are, but let's be honest, it usually happens because he couldn't be bothered to make an actual plan.

For me? Spontaneity could involve two espresso martinis, crashing a stranger's wedding or adopting a cat with one eye named Bruce. For him?  It's grabbing a happy hour beer at the local. Cool.

The errand day.

Are these people… okay? Image: Getty.

Apparently, this is when you "live life together." You run errands, buy groceries, fold laundry — basically, you pretend you're in love while comparing toilet cleaner.

It's weirdly intimate. You find out who's capable of pushing a trolley in a straight line and who treats Coles like an obstacle course. And honestly?  I'm not sure I want someone to see me bulk buy tampons, lose a shoe in the carpark, and cry over which oat milk is on sale until they are legally bound to me for life.

The weekend away date.

She is laughing but she is desperate for the comfort of her own bed, I promise. Image: Getty.

Apparently this is the "intimacy checkpoint". For me, it's where I'd fake appendicitis. 

A weekend away by date seven? That's honeymoon-level commitment. Unless I'm already planning our joint Christmas card, I'm not sharing a bathroom with you. 

And there's always that moment when you see how someone else packs — and it tells you everything. If he's just thrown three shirts into a reusable shopping bag? Run. 

The deep conversation date.

The "what are we?" conversation. Also known as the final boss of modern dating. 

This is the date experts say you "evaluate emotional alignment." I say it's the date where most men develop amnesia.

I've had this talk enough times to know it rarely goes as planned. You think you're about to define the relationship, but suddenly he says he's "not into labels" but would still "love to keep hanging out." 

Which, translated into Modern Man Speak, means, "I like you enough to keep sleeping with you, but not enough to delete Hinge". 

My final thoughts? Maybe eight dates is what it takes and maybe connection really does need time, context and multiple settings.Or maybe I've just dated enough emotionally unavailable men to know that if it's right, it won't need a project plan.

Because, let's be serious here, if it takes this many dates to decide if I like you, I already don't.

Feature image: Getty.