'The "guessing game" I now refuse to play when people first meet me.'

When you meet someone for the first time, it's safe to assume that you'll hear some familiar questions.

"What's your name?"

"What do you do for a living?"

All predictable but harmless questions we can expect during a first-time interaction. 

But for me, as I'm sure many of my fellow non-white friends can also attest to, things can get a little weird sometimes.

Between questions about where I'm really from (I was born and raised in Sydney, by the way, even though I'm of Hong Kong descent) and multiple tries of butchering my last name before finally asking how to pronounce it, the one interaction that absolutely takes the cake every single time is the classic game of "let me guess your ethnicity." 

The problem with just saying "I'm not racist." Article continues after video.

For those who haven't played the 'ethnicity guessing game' before, here's how it usually goes.

They'll start by listing off different Asian countries they know. If they get it right the first time, they win for successfully guessing my country of origin. If they don't get it right, I get the pleasure of awkwardly saying no, until they finally land on the right answer. 

By that point, I usually get a comment like, "Chinese, really? I would've never guessed." 

It's as fun as it sounds for everyone involved. 

Now, I won't pretend every person I meet behaves this way. But it's happened more often than I care to admit, and after a while, it really does get a bit exhausting.

The amount of times, whether it's in an Uber, a pilates class, at an event or, if you can believe it, during a tattoo appointment when I'm literally writhing in pain, that this has happened never ceases to amaze me. 

When I was younger, I'd almost always go along with it to avoid any sort of conflict. After all, it's no more than a few minutes of my life. And I can't deny that a small part of me finds it utterly amusing to hear what someone assumes an entire ethnicity should look like in their mind.

But these days, I'll stop the game before it goes any further with a simple, "No, that's alright. My family is originally from Hong Kong." And that's that. 

Thinking about what it would look like if the tables were turned often makes me chuckle because never in my entire life have I felt the urge to go up to a white person and proceed to guess where their ancestors are from. Nor have I ever witnessed someone else doing that. So why is it okay to do it to people of colour?

Short answer. It's not. So let's not. 

I do want to add that, for the most part, I truly believe people are well intentioned.

Even bizarre requests like this one often come from a place of ignorance coupled with a desire to connect.

I once had someone assume I was Vietnamese, and he proceeded to tell me about his recent trip to Vietnam and how beautiful he felt my culture was. He was mortified when I finally corrected him, apologising profusely, but it made me realise that while it's certainly not the right way to approach speaking to someone about their culture (I would not recommend making sweeping assumptions), the intention behind it is not always sinister. 

Weird things I've gotten used to hearing as an Asian woman. Image: Supplied

So I try to respond as kindly as I can when that seems to be the case. Firm, but kind.

I'll correct but not crucify, because we've all been insensitive at some point in our lives, myself included. 

At the end of the day, it's not about policing how we communicate, nor is it an indication that asking about someone's culture is off-limits. It is most definitely not.

Anyone who knows me well will know that I literally love talking about my culture and will find any opportunity to speak about my heritage, particularly to people who don't know much about it.

I think it can only be positive to ask questions and have conversations where we can learn something new about each other. But there is a kinder way to do it.

So… my advice (for those who want my unprofessional and very humble opinion) is to be curious.

It's so easy to make assumptions and to tell someone your interpretation of their culture, but I promise, it'll be a far better, more enlightening conversation if you come into it wanting to learn.

Feature image: Supplied.