Simone didn't know her partner had a history of violence. Then he knocked on her door.

Content warning: this post discusses domestic violence.

When Simone O'Brien's first marriage ended, her youngest child was only a year old. There was nothing sinister to the breakup. Simone describes the experience as amicable, and she went on to build a happy life with her children, immersing herself in work and sporting activities. 

A country girl at heart, Simone put her energy into her children. It wasn't until she was 37 and her youngest child was ten, that Simone decided it was time to consider stepping out into the dating world. Disinterested in bars or clubs, she turned to an online dating site. 

Watch: Ariel Bombara speaks about living under an abusive father. Article continues after the post.

"I wasn't IT savvy, but I was scrolling through and thinking about who's safe and who's not. I clicked on a real estate agent — that was my safety net because I knew he had to have a police check to get his real estate license."

Andy* seemed charming, considerate, and well-spoken. He took his time, earning her trust through weeks of online chats before exchanging numbers. Eventually, they met for dinner. "He greeted me with a bunch of flowers, which made me go all gooey because I hadn't received flowers for so long," Simone admits.

The relationship progressed, and for a time, everything seemed wonderful.

'Little red flags become big red flags.'

But then, little things started to go wrong. "Contacts started disappearing from my phone. At first, I thought it was my son." 

Her son denied deleting the contacts, but when it happened several times, Simone disciplined him. After the sixth time, Simone started to have doubts about whether her son was the culprit. 

There were other things too — Andy's forgotten wallet whenever they went out, missing money, and electronics disappearing from her home. At first, Simone justified his behaviour, assuming he was simply forgetful or unlucky. Her son was initially blamed for the missing items, despite his denials. 

Over time, Andy's persona began to change. He became possessive, constantly texting her, asking where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with. 

At first his questions seemed caring, albeit suffocating. Then things escalated. 

"Then the biggest red flag came when he started sending flowers to my workplace every day. My colleagues would say, 'Simone, he's a keeper. You're so lucky.' But it made me feel sick."

As her unease grew, Simone confided in a friend, who encouraged her to break things off. "I made a plan. I was going to do it on Monday after dropping the kids at school." 

Unable to face him, she sent him a text, and while she expected resistance, she didn't expect the flood of messages that followed. "By lunchtime, I saw hundreds of messages. I didn't reply."

When she returned home, she told her daughters that the relationship was over. Then there was a knock at the door.

"He asked if we could talk. I agreed. He asked if we could go to my bedroom, away from the girls in the kitchen." Once inside, the door shut behind them.

"The only question I remember him asking was, 'Why can't we make this work?'

"The next thing I knew, I was on the floor. I looked up, and a baseball bat was coming down on me."

She tried to shield herself, but the blows kept coming. Simone suffered 45 to 50 blows to the right side of her face, rendering her unrecognisable. She would later learn that she was placed into an induced coma at the scene to prevent brain swelling from blocking her windpipe. Without that intervention, she would not have survived.

The following night, with a three to five percent chance of survival, Simone's children were asked to say their goodbyes. 

Simone spent weeks recovering, undergoing multiple surgeries. Half of her face is now reconstructed with titanium plates. "I know I look different, but I'm still here."

Her attacker was sentenced to life in prison for attempted murder, a sentence Simone says could have been lighter in other states. 

Simone's ex-partner, who beat her with a baseball bat, had a history of violence.

A history of domestic abuse.

When Andy's face made the news following his horrific crime, the truth came out. 

"When his face went public, two wives came forward. He had three children. He had lied about everything."

Further investigations revealed past offences, including threats made against a woman's sister in 2007. Authorities across Australia and even in the US uncovered a history of violence against women. 

Simone now dedicates her life to preventing domestic violence, as a patron for charity RizeUp and advocating for legislative changes. In particular, Simone is determined to introduce what's known in the UK as Clare's Law to Australia. 

"Clare's Law is about the right to know and the right to ask. If I'd had access to that, I could have found out about his past."

Clare's Law, officially known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), is a UK law that allows individuals to inquire about a partner's history of domestic violence.

It has two main components. The first is the right to ask. Individuals can request information from the police about their partner's past to determine if they have a history of abusive behaviour.

The second is the right to know. Authorities can proactively disclose information to individuals if they believe someone is at risk of domestic abuse.

The law was named after Clare Wood, a 36-year-old woman who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend, George Appleton, in 2009. Appleton had a history of domestic violence against multiple women, but Clare was unaware of his past. He strangled her and set fire to her body before taking his own life.

Following her murder, Clare's father, Michael Brown, campaigned for a law that would allow people to check whether a partner has a history of domestic abuse. His efforts led to the introduction of the scheme in 2014, enabling people to request information from the police about a partner's previous abusive behaviour.

"A domestic violence (DV) disclosure scheme offers significant benefits, as demonstrated by South Australia's The Right to Know, which is similar to Clare's Law," says Jolene Ellat, CEO and founder of the Domestic Abuse Resource and Training (DART) Institute Australia.

"Such initiatives prioritise safety and perpetrator accountability, ensuring that individuals have the information needed to make informed choices.

"If a victim confidentially discovers that their partner has a history of abuse, they can take proactive steps to mitigate risk. Evidence shows that access to such information increases the likelihood of victims seeking support, including protective orders."

Beyond victim support, Jolene says disclosure schemes may also reinforce perpetrator accountability.

"By making an individual's violent history transparent, these initiatives reduce opportunities for abusers to conceal their actions, manipulate new partners, or exploit legal systems.

"Additionally, they support legal protections, such as restraining orders and custody arrangements, ensuring greater safeguards for those at risk."

However, information alone is not enough, says Jolene. "For disclosure schemes to be truly effective, we must ensure that frontline workers, law enforcement, and support services are equipped with the right training," she says.

"Proper training ensures that disclosures are handled sensitively, that survivors receive the support they need, and that responses are trauma-informed and culturally appropriate."

Monash University's Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon, who led a study on victim-survivor and stakeholder experiences with DFV disclosure schemes, says to keep women safe, any information must be delivered alongside specialist support, as well as clear risk assessment and safety planning put in place to ensure women do not face heightened risks after receiving a disclosure.

"Sharing information with no follow-up may put the applicant at greater risk of harm and represents a missed opportunity to keep the victim-survivor's risk in view."

A register may also provide a false sense of security for women dating men whose history of abuse has not been documented.

"As domestic violence disclosure schemes rely on the collection and sharing of accurate and comprehensive data, a 'nothing to disclose' outcome may not mean a person is safe," says Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon.

"We know that most perpetrators of domestic, family, and sexual violence are never convicted.

"Without higher reporting levels, robust data-sharing, and effective risk assessment measures, this scheme may create a dangerous false sense of security for those seeking to protect themselves via the provision of information about their partner."

Another limitation of the UK law, according to Dr Anni Gethin is its focus on physical violence.

Dr Gethin is the Principal Solicitor of Brigid Justice Ltd, a social enterprise law firm for women domestic violence survivors. A few years ago, Brigid Justice launched a project called the Brigid Notice to provide factual, evidence-backed warnings directly to women about an abuser.

"Women have the right to know not just whether a man has a history of physical violence, but whether he has a pattern of controlling behaviour, financial abuse, child support evasion, legal manipulation, or stalking," says Dr Gethin.

"These are all red flags that often precede physical violence — or can cause immense harm on their own.

"It is absolutely legal and possible to provide such warnings directly to women, and entirely defendable under defamation laws.

"Unfortunately, this project was not financially viable for us to run — and we have been flat out providing lower cost family law services to victim survivors."

Australia's current approach to disclosing prior domestic violence offences is inconsistent, with different approaches adopted at the state and territory levels. 

"South Australia is the only jurisdiction which currently operates a domestic violence disclosure scheme. The previous NSW pilot was disbanded and while there have been political discussions since about reintroducing the scheme in NSW this has not eventuated," says Professor Fitz-Gibbon.

Unless a matter is in court and police records can be subpoenaed, the best we have currently is Court Data, a database of court appearances and protection orders generated from Australian daily court lists.

"It does frequently give us a heads up to a previous criminal history and protection order applications — but doesn't record the offences or convictions, or of course, the great majority of abuse that is never taken to court or reported or reportable," says Dr Gethin.

"Even given such limitations it is disturbing how many court appearances and family violence hearings do pop up for our client's ex partners. We've also found criminal court history and family violence orders when we've run our clients' new partners through Court Data — it's just this massive problem."

'I'm glad this happened to me'.

Despite everything she's endured, Simone says she's glad this happened to her, because she's now in a position to fight for change, and hopefully reduce the risk to future generations. 

Working closely with law enforcement, she has advocated for stricter background checks and improved domestic violence intervention laws. "It's a whole ripple effect," she says. "I'm glad it happened to me because I want to fight for change to help our next generations, the next group of women at risk."

The statistics are grim. "This year, we've already lost 17 women and four children — some as young as eight weeks old," she says. "It's getting worse, not better. Perpetrators' rights are far ahead of women's rights to safety, and that needs to change."

One of the most frustrating aspects of the system, she says, is that women have to justify why they need an intervention order. "Let's put a permanent one on and make the perpetrator plead to have it removed."

Beyond policy changes, Simone has taken a hands-on approach to addressing domestic violence at its source. She now works directly with perpetrator change programs, speaking to men who are either entering or exiting the prison system.

"I find it so rewarding, changing their mindsets," she says. "I tell them, 'Own what you've done. If you've strangled her or hit her, own it. Get the help you need. Do what I'm doing — help our next generations.'"

Despite her efforts, Simone knows there is still a long way to go when it comes to protecting women and children from domestic and family violence. 

"We need stronger sentencing. You hear about people who have breached intervention orders 10 times with no consequences," she says.

"I give credit to all police, but many officers aren't trained in domestic violence — that's not their speciality.

Her advice to women is clear: trust your instincts. 

"Any little red flag turns into a big red flag," she says. 

"I tell people now to go to five or six police stations until they get the right officer. You will eventually find someone who helps.

"If you're having coffee with a friend and she mentions that (her partner) was swearing at her last night, let her know to speak to someone. That she isn't alone. Be proactive."

Simone also believes that men must play a role in changing the culture. "If they hear another man saying something concerning about his partner, turn it into a teachable moment and help change that mindset."

Although her body still carries the scars of that horrific day, Simone refuses to be defined by it. "I'm still a prisoner in my own body, and my children are prisoners too," she admits. "But I've made self-care my priority. 

"My head is running in all different directions, but I know I'm at peace too. I'm grounded."

Running for change.

In support of RizeUp, this May, during Domestic Violence Prevention Month, athlete Fran Hurndall will run 3,800km from Western Australia's Cottesloe Beach to Sydney in just 34 days to funds for the charity.

As part of her Reach Out Speak Up Challenge, Hurndall is determined to raise $1 million for RizeUp Australia, providing life-saving support for families impacted by domestic violence.

"The sad fact is that too many of us know someone who has been impacted by domestic abuse — myself included. It was my sister who inspired me to do this run, so I'm doing it for her, for incredibly brave people like Simone, and for every Australian out there whose life has been devastated by family violence," says Fran.

"This run is about more than just breaking records — it's about breaking the silence around domestic and family violence, by reaching out and speaking up. I chose RizeUp because they're an on the ground charity that not only raises vital awareness around domestic violence, but also sees the impact firsthand and provides practical, life-changing support to those affected."

To support Fran, click here.

*name has been changed.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) — the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a Queensland-based organisation that helps women and families move on after the devastation of domestic violence. If you would like to support their mission to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most, you can donate here.

Feature image: Supplied.