'I paid $700,000 to escape my abusive ex. I know he still wants me dead.'

On paper, Josephine's* relationship with Shane* looked like a fairytale second chance.

She'd met him through a friend, and was someone who'd always been in the background of her life.

When he reached out years after her husband died, it felt like "old friends catching up."

"It was fun, easy. Things flowed naturally," she told Mamamia.

She had no idea Shane's charming exterior hid something calculated and cruel. Something that would terrorise her for years and try to bleed her dry, financially and emotionally, when she finally found the strength to escape. 

Watch: Can you spot the red flags of domestic violence? Post continues below.

The abuse started so subtly, you'd probably miss it too. Shane had high expectations of what Josephine should bring to the relationship. He grew controlling, but he was "just stressed." It was work. It was his kids.

On one early date, he ordered for both of them, unknowingly choosing a dish with an ingredient Josephine was allergic to. When she asked to swap meals, he refused.

"He asked me to eat it anyway," she said. "He got really annoyed about the cost and the fact I couldn't eat it."

That was just the start.

Josephine had been widowed young and had four children of her own. She was naturally good with kids, and when Shane realised this, he latched onto it. Soon, she was making meals for his children, helping with school runs, being the unpaid nanny to kids who weren't hers.

The aggression only grew as the days went on.

"When he got stressed, he started getting snakey," Josephine said.

"If I wasn't home when it suited him… he would start trolling me with phone calls at work."

One day, he called demanding she come home immediately. She wasn't free until 9pm.

"He lost his cool, yelling down the phone, carrying on."

When she got home and told him he couldn't speak to her that way, his response chilled her: "We have an agreement. Don't go against me."

Josephine was doing everything she could to help. She found out he'd been buying assets behind her back — using her income fraudulently in loan applications while she worked multiple jobs to keep them afloat financially.

When red flags turn violent.

The first time Shane hit her was when Josephine was bedridden with flu. She was asleep on the lounge when he stormed in demanding she make dinner for the children.

"I couldn't stand up… He grabbed me by the arm and said, 'You're going to get up. You're the mother in this relationship, make dinner.'

"I did and I almost collapsed."

When Josephine tried to tell him it wasn't fair, he hit her.

"I just remember falling back into where I was sitting and going, 'Oh my god'," she said.

It escalated from there. Every time he lost his cool. Every time Josephine asked a question he didn't like.

"He blamed investments, work, kids… it became horrendous."

Josephine started working late to avoid being home with him, but she always came back — she feared for the children.

Listen to advice from women who have left a violent partner. Post continues below.

Her heart shattered again when she discovered Shane had bought another asset without telling her, while she was struggling to pay all the bills.

When she confronted him, he attacked her as she lay on the bed.

"I lay there thinking to myself, this is my nightmare," she said.

Another time, he severely beat her because she refused to come to bed with him.

Josephine knew she had to get away, but worried about the children.

The real turning point was watching Shane unleash a tirade of abuse on his elderly mother, screaming as he demanded money.

Josephine called the police six different times before they put an apprehended domestic violence order in place. Even still, Shane continued to terrorise Josephine. 

"One day he broke in. He was waiting for me when I got home from work," she said. "That was the beginning of the end. The day I thought I wouldn't see the next day."

But she survived. And from somewhere deep inside, Josephine found the strength to break free.

The $700,000 price of escape.

Escaping Shane's physical violence was only the beginning of Josephine's nightmare. It was just the start of a legal nightmare that would cost her $700,000.

Shane launched a calculated campaign designed to exhaust her emotionally and financially.

Josephine was able to get a Commonwealth Restraint that prevented Shane from cross-examining her directly in court – a "game changer" she wants more domestic violence victims to be made aware of.

Shane demanded ownership of her assets, tried to claim rent for their time together, and even fought to access her next of kin's wills and personal affairs.

"We went to court almost 30 times," Josephine said.

"My bill to get out of that relationship was $700,000."

She worked multiple jobs and borrowed money from her family. When she had nowhere else to turn, she applied for legal finance through JustFund — a lender helping people who earn too much for Legal Aid, but nowhere near enough to afford private legal fees. That $60,000 loan finally helped get Josephine over the line.

Today, Josephine is legally free from Shane. But every day she wakes up with dread. Meanwhile, Shane is a free man.

"I know he's just biding time to find me," Josephine said. "I know he wants me dead because I took him to court."

She's had multiple surgeries for her injuries and still lives with a limp.

"Every day when I get out of bed my left leg goes, that's a reminder," she said. "That's the result he wanted. He got it.

"He gets to walk free. I have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Josephine's advice to other women is stark: always have an exit plan. She later discovered she was at least the sixth woman Shane had hurt.

"I wish I'd sought a police check," she said.

"People only tell you what you want them to know when you start dating.

"I thought he'd be honourable, decent. He wasn't. He was controlling and manipulative. He was a liar, aggressive, violent… He was scheming, calculated. I was his cash cow."

She wants women to protect themselves and their finances from the very beginning.

"Women should maintain completely separate portfolios until a legal agreement is put in place — one that covers who lives where if it goes wrong, what happens if property should be sold, what happens if one party gets sick," she said.

"It's all rose-coloured glasses at first… No one thinks to put an agreement together.

"What's your exit plan… What if it doesn't work out… We don't know what life throws at us." 

It's advice that might sound unromantic, but for Josephine, it could have saved her years of trauma and hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

*Names have been changed for privacy.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a national organisation that helps women, children and families move on after the devastation of domestic and family violence. Their mission is to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most. If you would like to support their mission you can donate here.

Feature image: Getty.