Why you need to stop trying to make everyone like you.

November 27, 2015

Image: iStock. By Giana Ciapponi for Ravishly.

You’re in a social circle—be it at school, work, neighborhood, wherever—and you click with everyone except that one person. Try as you might, having a conversation that doesn’t revolve around the weather feels like a root canal. Or worse, you flat-out don’t like each other, but for the sake of social fluidity, you’re forced to feign friendliness. Should you fight the feeling?

Find some common ground and force a relationship? Or is it better to accept that it just ain’t happening and move on?

Our advice: Accept it. Why? If the person doesn’t dig you, their criticisms may guide you to self-improvement. Not everyone has to like you. In fact, esteemed writer Paulo Coelho (of The Alchemist) once said:

If everybody loves you, something is wrong. Find at least one enemy to keep you alert.

Our friends can be a tad generous when describing us, and these niceties won’t help us become better people. A pal, for instance, may say “Giana is pretty and dresses nicely.”

An enemy, on the other hand, might instead say, “Giana is shallow and narcissistic.” In a way, they’re both saying the same thing—they’re just shrouded in different connotations.

No one wants to be “shallow and narcissistic” (unless you’re Jessica Wakefield of Sweet Valley), but hearing that kind of feedback may help you change. And while your friends find your negative attributes tolerable, that doesn’t mean that—for instance—a future boss will. (Jessica Rowe on her number one piece of advice she would like to share with others. Post continues after video.)

November 27, 2015

Extra: The 7 Deadly Shopping Sins

You Beauty

Speaking of which, do you have to be tight with everyone at work? Again, no. The last thing you want is to spread yourself too thin and wind up with nothing left to give—work is not a good place for that.

Psychologists have a general rule: you want about 85 per cent of the people you meet to like you. If you’re wooing less than that, you’re not doing enough to make yourself likeable. On the flip side, if it’s more than that, you’re doing too much. So if you work on a team of 10 people, 1.5 shouldn’t feel super buddy-buddy with you (Cindy has severe mood swings, so she only likes you half the time). (Post continues after gallery.)

We love these positive celebrity quotes

Rebel WilsonThe actress said on Twitter; "I'm not trying to be hot. I'm just trying to be a good actress and entertain people."

Image via @rebelwilson

Adele"The first thing to do is be happy with yourself and appreciate your body - only then should you try to change things about yourself."

Image via Getty

Lady GagaAfter the media focused on her alleged weight gain in September 2012, Gaga hit back at critics by baring her body in photographs, sharing her struggles with an eating disorder, and inviting her fans to join her in a "body revolution"/ Image via @ladygaga

Ashley JuddAfter the March 2012 frenzy around Judd's "puffy face" the actress fought back in 'The Daily Beast', calling the media out for making women's bodies "a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others". Image via @ashley_judd

Christina Aguilera"I am always in support of someone who is willing and comfortable in their own skin enough to embrace it," the singer said in a recent interview. Image via @xtina

Lena DunhamAt the 2012 New Yorker Festival, the magazine's TV critic, Emily Nussbaum, asked Lena Dunham, producer, creator and star of the hit HBO show 'Girls' why Dunham is naked in so many scenes.

Dunham responded; "I realised that what was missing in movies for me was the presence of bodies I understood." She said she plans to live until she is 105 and show her thighs every day. Image via @lenadunham

Alexa ChungChung responded to critics who suggested that her slight frame made her a bad role model for young women, saying:

"Just because I exist in this shape doesn't mean that I'm, like, advocating it." Image via Twitter @alexa_chung

Stella BoonshoftThe NYU student started the amazing Body Love Blog, where she posted this picture of herself and wrote an open letter to those who feel entitled to shame others for the size or look of their bodies. Image via http://thebodyloveblog.tumblr.com"> Body Love Blog

Beth DittoThis five-foot-tall, 200-pound singer spoke openly about her weight to 'The Advocate' saying, "I feel sorry ... for people who've had skinny privilege and then have it taken away from them. I have had a lifetime to adjust to seeing how people treat women who aren't their idea of beautiful and therefore aren't their idea of useful, and I had to find ways to become useful to myself." Image via @marybethditto

Now, if you spend all your energy trying to make Cindy like you 100 per cent of the time and Danica to like you at all, you’ll be bending over backwards so much that you won’t have time to assist those whose company you actually value. Plus, those who know you better will notice your efforts and may think poorly of you for it. And why do that?

Bottom line: at the end of the day, you have to like yourself. As long as you’ve got that locked down, you’re in a good place.

This article was first published on Ravishly. Read the original article.

The Trials And Tribulations Of A Token Pretty Girl

Is it Ever OK to Date an Ex’s Friend? (What if You’re Head Over Heels and They’re the One?!)

Ravishly Exclusive: Q&A With The Fleshlight Girls