'I was 4 weeks pregnant when my husband asked for a divorce. It was the best thing ever.'

Kate Winslet once said that her divorce helped her children. I can't help but agree. Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to my children.

When my husband left me, it changed the course of our family.

I was four weeks pregnant with our third son and another baby was the last thing he wanted. And though unexpected, my unborn baby — and his brothers — turned out to be the only thing that I wanted.

There were threats of divorce if I didn't abort the baby.

I wouldn’t. So we did.

As many divorces are, it was bitter. Caustic words. Desperate, nasty times. For the eight months until our son was born, I cried every night and held the warm bodies of my boys, wondering why our world had collapsed.

Our two other sons were both aged under four at the time. If you have been through divorce then you will know what I mean when I say that they were my only concern. Nothing else mattered.

But it might surprise you to hear that now, four years later, they are my least concern because the divorce was possibly one of the best things that happened to them.

I don’t mean to be glib when I say that. It’s the truth.

The awful, terrible ocean of grief that washes over you when your marriage collapses is difficult to comprehend.

Your future together, shattered. Simple plans are now complex matters of management. Your lifetime together, yet to be lived but already formed in your mind, no longer exists and what will replace it is unimaginable.

I grew up with happy parents, married parents. A busy father, a stay-at-home mother, an elder sister. It was stable and solid, and I never doubted it for a second.

But what we have given our children is stability. What they have is also solid, it's just a different type of family.

Some may think that proposing the 'benefits' of divorce is insolent.

But when I heard Kate Winslet talk to Harper's Bazaar UK back in 2015, telling them her divorce was "good for her children" something clicked. There were headlines and even feigned outrage from some areas of the media, but I could see where she was coming from.

In my own experience, my children came out for the better from our divorce. When their father lived with us, he was barely present. His existence in the family was like an outsider. He was distant with his sons. He never engaged with them.

The first time I saw him read to our nearly-four-year-old son was the first day he came back to visit after he walked out.

His leaving made him a better dad.

And what I never expected — his love for the son he never wanted — is overwhelming.

While I can’t speak for everyone, what we have managed to do is make our divorce all about our kids.

Their dad comes to visit every weekend and stays as long as he wishes. We both agreed that for our children we would prefer they stay in the one home so they have no overnight visits.

Instead, he joins us on holidays and for Christmas. We even travel together. My ex-husband and I have become friends through our love for our children.

Of course, being a single mother isn’t easy. There are times when my life is always “bad cop”, as their father got the "good time role" on the weekends.

But it has made me stronger.

It’s given my children a mother who is independent, who can overcome obstacles, who can change a bike tire and mow the lawn. It has given them a father who is present when he spends time with them.

They have learnt that not all relationships are easy sailing, but that our love for them is unshakeable.

I know others don’t have it so easy. For victims of domestic violence there is often no coming back. For those who have been betrayed, it's tough to put it behind you for the sake of the kids. I know that I am one of the lucky ones.

But when I look at the happy faces of my three boys, their kind natures, their fierce sense of loyalty and their remarkable capacity for love, I know that — for us — it has been the right thing.

Feature image: Getty.

The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous. This story was originally published in 2015 and has since been republished.