When it comes to divorce, there is an inevitable conflict between your life before the split, and who you are in this new phase of life. 

And while it is very much a personal journey, there is no doubt that this huge life transition will create massive changes in your life's narrative. 

How do you frame conversations with family, friends, and coworkers, and if you have a significant social media following, what do you share or not share about this personal transition?

After all, divorces involve more than just splitting physical assets. There are your 'couple friends' to think about.

At times like this, when change is inevitable and perception is unavoidable, divorce PR can really come into play.

In this episode of The Quicky, host Grace Rouvray asks, can we really PR our private lives? And is it really worth it?

She sat down with director of Brandology, George Konstand, to embrace his over fifteen years experience in the media world to consider: what does a divorce PR strategy even look like?

Listen to The Quicky episode here. Post continues below.

Konstand explains that your public perception (be that family and friends or social media followers) can be swayed by public relations techniques, especially when it comes to separation.

"So when we're talking about PR, it's really broken down in two parts," he says.

"Quite simply, it's getting in front of the narrative with the intention of creating a positive narrative, and how we use that narrative to shape public perception of your brand.

"Around a situation like divorce, where we've obviously got a major life transition which involves a huge personal narrative, or personal experience which can be very emotional from the inside, divorce PR is very much your public narrative."

To get into the nitty gritty of the strategy, Konstand explains that there are three 'A's of divorce': archetype, arc and alignment.

Step 1: Archetype yourself.

"The first is archetype. So choose your archetype, right? Who do you want to be in this chapter? Remember, it's the external narrative that we've got going on here, and we want a positive spin on it. So it's a narrative of empowerment," Konstand explains. 

According to Konstand, we can actually look to Hollywood film tropes to establish certain archetypes to follow in our own journeys. 

"So the first is the 'rising phoenix'. So we've got here the rising stronger than ever from the ashes, with a focus on growth, resilience and empowerment. This can be around a new business or passion venture or fitness journey.

"We've [also] got the Devil Wears Prada," he adds. "So if someone wants to craft a forward thinking transition to bigger and better goals, this is the positive spin on the untamable shrew. She's less orientated with resentment and revenge and prioritizes her growth and emancipation in a stylish way."

He references several other possible archetypes, including 'the comeback queen' and 'The Destiny's Child', and in particular what he calls the 'Jennifer Anniston type'. 

"This is 'she's graceful and low key with a strong sense of self. It happened. I survived. Now watch me thrive'... Her calm approach really reinforced her positive brand." 

Of course, while we'd all prefer a cookie cutter divorce where all parties are 'consciously uncoupled' and 'amicably separated', that's not always the case.

What do you do if there's dirty laundry to air but you're really trying to give off 'rising phoenix'?

Konstand believes the key is not denying what happened to you, but acknowledging it and making the focus about how you will move on. Making the story about you. 

"So human beings have a tendency to remember negative stories and then to want to share them. And the thing with understanding divorce PR is that you don't want that story to become you," he explains.

"Yes, that's something that happened to you. Yes, it was an injustice that you want to fight for, and you want to scream it from the top of the rooftops. However, it does not define you," he adds. 

"It's something that happened to you. So you want to say, Yeah, this happened to me. However, look how I'm bouncing back from it, or look how I'm emancipating from it, or look what I'm doing to empower me."

Chloe Shorten talks to Mia Freedman on No Filter about divorce. Article continues after video.

Step 2: Arc it up.

The second 'A' of divorce PR is arc which, as Konstand explains, is the journey you yourself hope to embark on and in turn, the narrative others will see you living. 

"Describes, you know, the journey you hope to go on, the one that you intend to go on. So the narrative you tell of yourself, and by extension, people will come to know you for this experience," Konstand says to The Quicky. 

He goes on to give examples of popular arcs or "loglines", as he calls it, in Hollywood films and how we can borrow these for our own personal divorce journeys.

"So the first one is Under the Tuscan Sun, which was made famous by Diane Lane, and she was the archetype of the 'rising phoenix'. The logline here is after her painful divorce, Francis embarks on a journey of self discovery and personal reinvention by buying and restoring a villa in Tuscany."

"The second one is Eat, Pray, Love made famous by Julia Roberts, which is the 'comeback queen'. There's the archetype, right? The log line here was following a divorce. Elizabeth travels the world in search of spiritual fulfilment and personal peace." 

"Now the third one, this makes for a great movie. Not so much a positive spin on PR, however, I wanted to throw it in anyhow, The Wives Club made famous by Goldie Horn, Bette Midler and Diane Keating.

Now this archetype, controversially, was 'the Avengers', right? The log line here was these three divorced women were banding together to reclaim their power and seek justice from the men who wronged them. So when it comes to your logline, it's really kind of a one liner." 

Step 3: Alignment is everything.

Finally, we come to the third 'A' of Divorce PR - alignment.

In the age of social media, everything we do is out there, so alignment speaks to how we portray what we have set out for ourselves i.e. our chosen archetypes and loglines.

When it comes to alignment and social media, Konstand focuses on two important notions: scarcity, i.e. "what you don't say", and authority, i.e. "how you present yourself".

Both concepts are important in curating public perception.

"So by really getting clear on your archetype then, and the story that that archetype is going on… you're able to edit the way that that is shown online and that that is experienced in social media," Konstand explains. 

So, do you really need to PR your divorce?

There's no denying that a PR strategy for divorce is mostly needed when you live your life in the public eye, but perhaps there are lessons to take away even in our own personal lives.

For example, while Konstand stands by the archetype, arc and alignment method, he does acknowledge that this is merely how we present externally.

How we've chosen to show up is not always going to reflect how we feel inside, and in going through a big life change like divorce, it's only natural to feel a spectrum of emotions.

The aim here, is to just make a difficult process as easy on yourself as you can.

"You might be unconsciously stepping into 'the victim', or you're unconsciously stepping into 'the bitter ex', or you're unconsciously stepping into this kind of 'fight mode, fight mode, fight mode'. So choosing your archetype is a very interesting spin on it, and a positive spin on it, where you can say, 'Okay, this is how I feel right now. I might be in emotional flux right now. However, from the outside, nobody needs to know what's going on on the inside.' And this is the way that brands exist'".

He adds, "The power that you have on social media as today's modern stage is that you are the one who controls the edit. You know, you're showcasing one sixteenth of the human being that you are in a visual realm."

So, would you do it?

Feature image: Universal.