'I coach couples who are considering divorce. Here's the experiment I recommend they all try.'

As a sex therapist, I often encounter couples who are facing challenges in their relationships — whether it's dwindling intimacy, unresolved conflicts, or mismatched desires.

One unconventional yet powerful tool I sometimes (actually, quite often) recommend is a period of intentional time without sex.

While this might seem counterintuitive, especially when intimacy is already strained, taking a break from sexual activity can offer surprising benefits for couples navigating difficulties. This even applies to those sexless couples who have gone without sex for ages.

Watch: How to support someone going through a separation or divorce. Post continues below.

How can continuing to go without sex lead to renewed intimacy and sex? While it's not really as simple as that, stepping back to leap forward can work.

Let me explain why.

Rebuilding emotional intimacy.

Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, but when emotional disconnection or unresolved issues are present, physical intimacy can sometimes mask deeper problems. Abstaining from sex allows couples to shift their focus from physical connection to emotional connection, and creates space for meaningful conversations, vulnerability, and the rebuilding of trust — all essential elements for a strong foundation in any relationship.

During this time, I encourage couples to engage in non-sexual forms of closeness, such as cuddling, holding hands, or simply spending more quality time together. These small gestures can reignite emotional intimacy and remind partners why they fell in love in the first place.

In fact, the "rule" is that while there is no sex, every day must still share some form of intimacy, and every day must be different. This inspires creativity — much like when a couple is first dating and exploring one another.

When couples are stuck in cycles of conflict or dissatisfaction, sexual interactions can sometimes feel obligatory or fraught with tension, which can lead to resentment or further disconnection. A temporary break from sex helps disrupt these negative patterns and provides an opportunity for both partners to reflect on their needs and desires… without added pressure.

By stepping back, couples can identify what's not working and begin to address underlying issues — whether it's communication breakdowns, unmet expectations, emotional dissonance or distance, or differing sexual preferences — in a more constructive way.

Listen to the latest episode of Butter, Mamamia's audio erotica series. Post continues below.

Rediscovering desire.

When sex becomes routine or feels like an obligation, it can lose its spark. A period of abstinence can reignite desire by creating anticipation and allowing partners to miss each other physically.

This intentional pause can make the eventual return to sexual intimacy more exciting and meaningful, especially if this is taking place while also building renewed sexual and emotional connections.

It's important to note that abstinence isn't about punishment or withholding affection, but about creating a reset.

During this time, couples should focus on cultivating desire through flirtation, compliments, and playful interactions that build excitement for when they're ready to reconnect physically. This is the part where it is important to be guided, because without expert, sensitive guidance, and consistency of approach, it may not work or could result in more distance and tension.

Relationship difficulties often stem from personal struggles that spill over into the partnership.

Removing sex for a short time provides an opportunity for each partner to focus on self-reflection and personal growth. Whether it's addressing stress, insecurities, or past traumas, this period can be used to work on oneself while also strengthening the relationship as a whole.

How to approach going without.

If you're considering this approach, make sure it's a mutual decision, with clear boundaries and timelines. Communicate openly about your goals for this period and check in regularly with each other — and with your therapist — to ensure you're both on the same page.

While going without sex might not be the right solution for every couple, it can be a transformative step for those willing to explore it. By temporarily stepping away from physical intimacy, you create space to heal emotional wounds, rediscover connection, and build a stronger foundation for the future.

Because the deep, raw truth is that intimacy is about more than just sex — it's about feeling seen, heard, and valued by your partner.

So can going without sex save a relationship from the brink of the end? Sometimes, it does just that.

Feature image: Supplied.