"When did parents stop disciplining their children?"

A nanny thinks many parents are making a huge mistake.

I have worked as a nanny for close to six years now. I have met some wonderful families and have been lucky enough to be paid to spend time with some really great kids.

But it’s not been all colouring-in and cuddles. I have also had to deal with some little tykes who fall closer to the brat end of the scale.

I’ve worked for long stints with particular families and I’ve done one night babysitting jobs. And from all the families I’ve met, I’ve noticed a growing trend:

Parents are not disciplining their kids. Well, at least not the way I remember being disciplined.

Read more: Eight things your nanny thinks, but will never tell you.

My mum tells a story about me at three years old. I had started throwing tantrums. One day, in the presence of my Nan, I started banging my little fists against the floor. My Nan, well known for not taking any shit, promptly picked me up by the back of my overalls, popped me outside the glass back door and told me I could come back inside when I could calm down. I shut up immediately, looked up flabbergasted and never threw a tantrum again.

Kids don’t know how to express their emotions rationally, so they throw tantrums. My Nan taught me that screaming and writhing on the floor is not an appropriate way to communicate. She made it quite clear that behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated.

It was simple and it worked.

But that no longer seems to be the mindset. It’s now all about gentle conversations and positive reinforcement.

I have seen mums give their children what they want too many times to count.

I was once babysitting a four year old who threw a tantrum because she wasn’t getting her own way. Nothing out of the ordinary. Her mum, who was still in the house, heard her daughter crying, ran in and gave her what she wanted along with a nice big reaffirming hug.

Not only did that parent take away all of my authority with those kids (who I later witnessed tear apart a bed spread in their mother’s presence), she reinforced a behaviour that little girl will now use for years to come.

It seems to me like parents are so worried about making sure their children know they are loved that they’re afraid to tell them when they’re being a jerk.

Your kid will still know that you love them even if you require them to use their manners and treat people with respect. They’ll probably even thank you later.

Read more: “I’m worried about being judged in public when I need to discipline my kids.”

Before you wield your pitchforks, I’m not suggesting that people ought to reintroduce the cane, or that all parents are failures with wild spawn. But kids need boundaries and they are smart enough to know when they can very easily step over the lines that have been drawn for them.

And while they might be cute now, just wait until they hit thirteen and the hormones start kicking in.

How do you discipline your child?

Want more? Try:

“To the man who yelled at the movie theatre about my child.”

“To my best friend, you ARE a good mum.”