Diary of a day of school holidays.

Midnight

Probably should turn off Netflix and go to bed the kids will be up soon.

1am

Okay now I should REALLY go to bed.

1.45am – ish

In bed finally. Don’t look at exact time in fear of knowing how little sleep I’ll have.

6am

Child 1: “Mummmmmmmmmmm get up.”

Me: *inaudible groan*

6.15am

Child 2: “GOOD MORNING MUM” *pokes me in the eye with his finger*

Me: *inaudible groan*

The kids jump around on my bed and I ignore them.

6.30am

Both kids: “MUMMMM GET UP”

Me: “Go play with some Lego or something.”

7am

Child 1: “Mum it’s 7 o’clock you are WASTING THE DAY get out of bed.”

7.15am

Child 2: “Mummmm I’m hungry, get me breakfast.”

7.20am

Crawl out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. Make coffee before even contemplating feeding the offspring.

“What you do want?”

“Weet bix, no I want toast, no a banana, no an orange, no toast, no DEFINITELY weet bix. I want weet bix.”

“I want toast.”

“There’s no bread.”

“I want toast.”

I search the kitchen for scraps of bread that makes enough for one bit of toast and one bowl of Weet bix and escape to drink coffee while it’s still hot.

8am

“Mum I’m bored.”

9am

Finally get to the shower and make children get out of pyjamas. Can hear fighting in the lounge room as I jump out of a shower, “mum he’s hitting me”, “he started it.”

10am

Child 1: “Mum I’m bored.”

10:01am

Child 2: “Mum I’m bored too.”

10:02am

Child 1 again: “Mum I’m stillllll bored.”

I consider options to keep kids entertained – local shows, shops, library or movies. Offer different options and kids can’t agree on ANYTHING.

Read more: Mia Freedman: “I thought I hated Inside Out. But now I think I loved it.”

11am

We decided we’ll head out to the park and it takes exactly 23 minutes for both kids to find their shoes.

11:23am

Finally in the car headed to the park.

11:35am

Arrive at park.

11:36am

“MUMMMMM he won’t let me have the swing.”

I sigh. “Just share please.”

11:37am

“Mummmmmmmm he kicked me on the slide.”

I sigh. “Be nice to your brother please.”

11.38am

Finally some peace as they play nicely at the park.

12.01pm

“Mummmmmmmm I’m starving what is for lunch?”

“I’ve got sandwiches.”

“But I didn’t want sandwiches!!!!”

“Neither did I!!!”

“Take it or leave it.”

Both eat their sandwiches.

12:15pm

We leave the park.

12:22pm

On the way home. Child 1: “Mummmm he kicked me in the car.”

Child 2: “No, it’s his fault, he took my car.”

Me: “I don’t care who started it, don’t kick your brother and don’t steal cars.”

12:30pm

Arrive at home.

12.30pm – 1.30pm

Actually think about doing housework. Put a load of washing on and completely forget about it. Kids are fighting over some random toy that they haven’t play with in six months. Sigh.

Not to long I'll be able to celebrate like this. Post continues after clip. 

1:30pm

“Mum I’m starrrrving.”

1:30pm - 2:30pm

Feed children some afternoon tea, have a cup of coffee and they somehow play (relatively) peacefully for a while.

3pm

Child 1: “Mum is it dinner time yet?”

“Are you kidding me? You JUST ate.”

“But I’m starving.”

“You are NOT starving.”

3:30pm

Child 2: “Mum when’s dinner? I’m hungry.”

I ignore the child.

4pm

I think about dinner. Have no idea what to do for dinner.

4:01pm

Interrupted by kids fighting. Again. Forget about dinner.

4:30pm

Kids are now playing football on our deck. Five-year-old thinks he plays professionally, he gets annoyed when his brother doesn’t care as much as he does.

4:45pm

Dad comes home. Kids go mental. They tell him how well behaved they have been. I sigh and wonder how I raised such liars.

5pm

Crap it’s dark. Tell kids to come inside. I hate winter.

5:30pm

“Mum I’m hungry”. Oh right, dinner. I check freezer. Options: chicken nuggets or frozen pizza. Probably should go shopping tomorrow.

6pm

Eat dinner.

6:15pm

Half of dinner goes to dogs. They are stoked. Me too considering I had no dog food and no idea what else I would have fed them anyway.

6:30pm

Bath time. 10-minute fight over who will have a bath first. In the end, older child decides on a shower instead.

6:45pm

Screaming at kids to get out of bath/shower. Thank god we bought that instant hot water system last year.

7pm

Kids still aren’t dressed. How are they not cold? It’s 5 degrees and they are running around naked. I don’t get kids.

7:15pm

Kids find clothes. Their bedroom drawers have been emptied in the process.

7:30pm

Kids insisting they NEED to play the iPad despite it being their regular bedtime.

“But it’s holidays Mum, we don’t have a bed time.”

“What? Yes you do. You’re bedtime doesn’t disappear in the holidays.”

8pm

Whoops, didn’t make them go to bed.

8:30pm

REALLY need to get them to bed. Seven-year-old, “hahahha I knew it was 8.30pm I just didn’t tell you because I wanted to stay up.” Bloody smart-arse kids.

8:45pm

Teeth brushed and bed. Finally.

8:50pm

“Mummmmmmmmm I need a drink.” Of course you do.

9:10pm

What’s that? Nothing? Silence. OMG. They’re asleep. FINALLY.

9:20pm

Spend about 10 minutes filling other half in on our day. He’s exhausted and has to start work at 6am so he heads off to bed.

9:30pm - 10:30pm

Rush around cleaning house, other half has done dishes so I put them away. I remember I put that load of washing on. Re-wash it and forget about it again.

10:30pm - Midnight

Pretend I’m doing uni work while simultaneously playing Netflix on a second browser and Foxtel on the TV in front of me.

Midnight

Probably should turn off Netflix and go to bed the kids will be up soon.

1am

Okay now I should REALLY go to bed.

1.45am - ish

In bed finally. Don’t look at exact time in fear of knowing how little sleep I’ll have.

6am

Child 1: “Mummmmmmmmmmm get up.”

Me: *inaudible groan*

Here we go again.

How does your school holiday day go?