Caring for a parent with dementia? Here's what an expert wants you to know.

Thanks to our brand partner, Brightwater Aged Care

It wasn't the forgotten birthday that first concerned you. Everyone misses dates occasionally. Nor was it the repetitive stories — Mum had always loved telling that tale about your childhood camping trip.

But then came the unopened bills piling up on the kitchen counter. The confusion about which day it was. The pasta left boiling on the stove until the water evaporated. The moment your father couldn't recall how to get to the supermarket he'd been visiting for decades.

These seemingly small moments often mark the beginning of a journey many Australian families never anticipated navigating: supporting a parent through cognitive decline while juggling careers, children and the whirlwind of daily life.

"It evokes different emotions for different people," Michelle Harris, Specialist Dementia Program Coordinator at Brightwater Aged Care said. "Some of them are really experiencing a sense of grief in terms of feeling sad and unsure, maybe a tad a little bit depressed."

For the person living with dementia, these feelings can be even more intense.

"Some of them have been feeling a sense of embarrassment and shame," Michelle said.

"One of my clients was talking about how he avoids public groups or friends because he's ashamed that he can't always remember or answer a question and find the word. He feels that people perceive him differently and treat him differently."

These emotions aren't just limited to the person with dementia. Family members often experience their own parallel journey of grief and guilt.

"For some people, there's a sense of anger as well, as a normal part of grieving," Michelle said.

"Families will say, 'I wish I'd noticed it earlier, I feel so ashamed that I never helped him or her'. So there's a range of emotion… all at different times."

For families navigating this challenging terrain, having the right support can make all the difference. This is where Brightwater Aged Care's specialist dementia services come in — offering personalised in-home care that helps people maintain independence and quality of life.

As well as standard home care services, Brightwater's specialised 'BrightRespite' program is specifically designed to help people with dementia remain independent in their own homes for as long as possible. They offer a hands-on approach that focuses on the whole person, not just their condition.

Their services include personal care delivered with dignity and respect, domestic assistance, health services and nursing, allied health expertise including physiotherapy and occupational therapy and specialist dementia support tailored to individual needs.

One of the most common misconceptions about dementia is that it's solely about memory loss but the reality is far more complex.

"Sometimes it's nothing to do with memory at all," Michelle explained. "It seems to be more around emotional control and outbursts and not being able to cope with the anxiety of how they're feeling."

For families trying to support a loved one, understanding these broader impacts is crucial.

"I really believe that the mood and personality changes, the problems with space like getting lost in familiar places or having difficulty with visual perception are all important aspects of dementia," Michelle said.

"For example, falling more because of the way the home environment is structured. A black mat on a white floor might look like a hole in the floor for some people."

These cognitive changes can affect even the most basic daily activities like driving or making a cup of tea.

The emotional toll of supporting someone with dementia while juggling other responsibilities can be immense.

Michelle encouraged families to think differently about supporting someone with dementia.

"If you think about dementia in a different way and think, how can I provide cognitive ramps to help this person have life and meaning and purpose," she suggested.

"If you have someone with one leg, you're not going to say, 'Hurry up and run after me'. You're going to give them a wheelchair or an artificial prosthetic or a ramp to help them."

This perspective shift is crucial. Rather than focusing on what the person can no longer do, Michelle advised concentrating on what they can still do with appropriate support.

Some practical approaches that Michelle recommended include:

• Seek early support. Don't wait till things go wrong.

• Get professional guidance from a dementia specialist team.

• Focus on presence, not just tasks: "We need to be with people, not doing for people all the time — being present, being interested in their story."

• Address loneliness.

• And remember the whole person: "Your life story is beyond any life-limiting condition — it's who you are as a person, your values, your culture, your preferences."

What's most important is focusing on meaningful engagement rather than simply completing tasks.

"It's about finding out what still works for them and using it, not losing it," Michelle said.

One daughter shared with Michelle how this approach transformed her mother's experience: "Through the social support with art therapy, she sees her mum having meaningful engagement and she just feels a sense of joy that her mum's not just sitting there staring into space."

Perhaps the most powerful perspective Michelle offered was a simple reminder about what truly matters when supporting someone with dementia.

"This is not a medical condition. It's a disability," she said. "It needs to be supported and people need to have quality of life."

Her personal mantra encapsulates this approach perfectly: "We only die one day. We live every other day."

This philosophy drives everything Brightwater does, ensuring that every person, regardless of cognitive challenges, can continue to live with meaning, dignity and purpose.

"If you look at all the literature on advanced care planning," Michelle concluded, "it's not about dying. It's about living your best life".

Visit Brightwater Aged Care to learn more about their comprehensive services.

Feature Image: Getty.

Brightwater at Home provides in-home care for seniors, including personal care, help around the house, allied health services such as physio, nursing and more. Our hands- on team ensures you or your loved ones can remain independently at home. Thanks to Brightwater, your care is always in expert hands.