Dee Devlin and what we want from the partners of bad men.

It's hard not to judge.

It's hard to comprehend why the wives of 'bad men' decide to stick up for them, stay with them and believe them.

But that's exactly what Dee Devlin is doing in the wake of her fiance — Irish MMA fighter and boxer Conor McGregor — being found guilty in a civil rape case this week.

It's what the wives and partners of many bad men decide to do, even after a court of law has ruled against them.

Watch: Nikita Hand's statement after McGregor is found guilty in a civil rape case. Post continues after video.

"My man and I have created a beautiful life together. I love him I trust him and I BELIEVE HIM!

"Our four beautiful children whose smiling faces and happy hearts are testimony to the man he is and who we are!

"No one is entitled to comment on our relationship — we trust one another and love one another," Devlin wrote on Instagram overnight, as news of her husband putting another woman in a choke-hold, raping her and leaving awful bruises on her after a penthouse party in 2018 made headlines around the world.

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A post shared by Dee Devlin (@deedevlin1)

On her Instagram stories, her comments are more shocking, more cruel — and they're directed at her fiance's accuser Nikita Hand.

"Imagine a woman, with her own boyfriend and child, texting provocative pictures of herself to another woman's man with a family and child on the way. This woman claims to know me, yet still went ahead and sent messages and pictures of herself over and over to my man? Really?

"Whilst out on a three day bender, texting excuses to her own child at home where mammy is on Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, Sunday night into Monday morning.

"All the while out of her face in a hotel room, facing around a hotel carpark. What sort of woman are you!!!….My sons will be warned women like you exist in the world," she wrote.

Some of Dee Devlin's Instagram stories in the wake of the McGregor verdict. Image: Instagram.

She continued, "CCTV DOES NOT LIE. I look forward the day the world will see the footage of you on that night and the carry on of you. Not a bother on you having the time of your life. This is the real evidence, video footage no one knew was being taken in the moment which you miraculously don't remember?

"To me it looks like you're the one sexually assaulting in the lift. To me it looks like everyone is trying to get away from you. Conor and I dealt with these issues privately many years ago, as should be done in a relationship and we have come out stronger than ever. We have four beautiful children now whose smiling faces and happy hearts are a testament to who he is and who we are! They without in cast the stone first."

Firstly, it's obvious this is a woman hurting. It can't be a nice thing, seeing horrible things written about the man you love. But regardless of the circumstances that occurred prior to the assault, regardless of if Hand was texting McGregor or not, she was raped. A jury has confirmed that, and nothing excuses it.

Texting doesn't invite that. Partying doesn't mean that's on the table. Even cheating on her boyfriend — if that happened — doesn't mean Hand deserved what happened next.

It's the equivalent of saying 'she was asking for it,' an age-old adage we've seen thrown at the victim-survivors of rape for what they've worn, said or done.

An age-old adage that we've been dismantling for years for the disgusting way it 'excuses' men's bad behaviour.

Devlin's commentary makes Hand the 'bad guy', with her husband's 'infidelity' (which is all it is, in her eyes), all her fault. Not his. Never his.

It's a hideous attack on a victim-survivor.

Let's not forget this is a man with a history. McGregor has been accused multiple times over the years of sexual assault, indecent exposure and physical assault. This, however, is the first time a court of law has found him guilty.

Not criminally — prosecutors decided there wasn't enough evidence, but civilly — which requires guilt proven not beyond reasonable doubt, but on the balance of probabilities. He won't serve time, he just has to fork out a lot of money (nearly AUD $400,000) to his victim.

But the evidence heard in court about that 2018 night was shocking. A doctor had to use forceps to remove a tampon that had become wedged high up in Hand's cervix.

A paramedic said they "had not seen someone so bruised" in a long time.

Hand gave evidence of how mentally, emotionally and financially challenging both the assault and fighting for justice had been for her.

"So why does Devlin stay?" we ask.

It's a tricky question.

The man she sees at home, might very well be different to the man Hand met. She might struggle to see her partner of 15 years in this light — or she might just be choosing to ignore the truth. She might just be seeing the parts she wants to see, because it's overwhelming to break up a family, a long-term relationship and a life you've created for yourself.

Conor McGregor his fiance Dee and their four children. Image: Instagram.

Or she could be struggling to come to terms with her new reality, and lashing out is her way of coping with the pain, deceit and overwhelm at the journey ahead of her.

We don't know what's going on behind closed doors.

It took 11 days for Bijou Phillips to file for divorce after her husband, actor Danny Masterson, was found guilty and sentenced to 30 years for rape in 2023.

In that time, she was criticised for "standing by" her husband, but behind the scenes it's now clear she was working out how to extricate herself and her then nine-year-old daughter from a life they had shared for 12 years.

Russell Brand's wife is another who has chosen to ignore (several) rape allegations, deciding to say nothing publicly and continue her life with the actor and their three children.

The internet immediately demanded she leave him as last year's joint investigation from Channel Four and the Sunday Times shone light on his alleged physical, sexual and emotional abuse.

But I would argue it's troubling that when a man is accused (or found guilty as in McGregor and Masterson's cases), the women in their lives are somehow responsible too. That they must act in a certain way immediately ignores the complexities of what it can mean to be in a relationship with an abusive man.

Of course, in Devlin's case, her awful slandering of Hand is inexcusable. But who knows what will happen when the dust of this news settles? When the shock wears off and the headlines die down.

We always want the women in these cases to act boldly. Leave loudly. Admonish quickly. But it's never that simple.

At the end of the day, we don't know what's happening behind closed doors.

Feature image: @deedevlin1