Dave Thornton: "I'll never wear a wedding ring."

By DAVE THORNTON

My first serious relationship involved some really bad poetry and way too many physical interactions that finished with the word ‘sorry’.

However, all that aside, one stand out memory was an argument we had about wedding rings. I‘ve found out again and again in relationships that most of my seemingly innocuous opinions are fired off with no forethought about the retribution. (Yes mum “think before you speak, David.” I’m aware….)

I said: “I don’t think I’d wear a wedding ring on my left hand because I’m left handed. As a matter of fact I’m not sure if I would ever wear a wedding ring.”

This was then met with the kind of vitriol usually reserved for someone who said ‘I just committed mass genocide’. She was furious. Livid. One Direction fans who find out the band has been replaced with nothing but 45-year-old mums livid. Because I was 21 and getting married had about as much allure as getting my toenails ripped out by pliers and bathing in lemon juice our relationship ended fairly soon after.

That issue lay dormant until today, when evoking the same off hand attitude, I revoiced to my Mamamia Today co-host Em Rusciano my opinion of not wearing a wedding ring after I get married.

“WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO WEAR A WEDDING RING!!!?!?!?!?”

At least she wasn’t getting too carried away with the argument. #shewasfurious

To me, a wedding ring is a nice tradition but it doesn’t define the relationship. I don’t think I’ll be smitten with my wife but then as soon as I take the wedding band off I’m Tiger Woods circa 2010.

Also, to do something because ‘it’s tradition’ holds about as much weight as ‘my dad used to say it’ (thank you Mr A. Jones). What I’m saying is ‘the jewellery would be annoying’ not ‘the vows we just exchanged mean nothing and the gold you spent on me may as well have spent on a new car because I’ll be sharing myself around like a teenager on Viagra’.

She then pointed out, amongst other possibilities, that it wasn’t that much of an annoyance compared to not showing my would-be-wife my commitment.

I suppose the same could be said for women taking their husband’s name. That shows commitment. It’s traditional. Or so we thought.

I know men that got a watch instead of a ring. I know men who wear the ring around their necklace in a very John Travolta Saturday Night Fever-esque way (who know look so sleazy that no woman would go near them).

Hell, you could wear crotchless undies from your partner, but whatever you wear (or don’t) doesn’t affect the love you have for someone.

If you’re married, do you wear a wedding ring? And if you’re not married, would you wear a wedding ring?

Check out the gallery of male celebs who do….

Dave Thornton is one of the hosts of Mamamia Today (that’s right! We’re on the radio! At 3pm weekdays!) and is known for his free flowing humor and extensive experience across TV, radio and stage, including regular appearances at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.