"I dated a guy just because he had a 'hot' body. It didn't work out."

March 14, 2016

Image: iStock.

I hate to admit it, but I’ve always had a “type”. Countless times, I’ve fallen for dark-haired guys who are a little bit rock’n’roll, somewhat sensitive and very, very tortured. Kind of like a Michael Hutchence-Jon Snow dream combination.

So what was I doing with a giant crush on sporty, cheerful Nate*?

Seeing as my last relationship with a formerly drug-addicted, post-rehab philosophy student had ended, I was thinking that maybe my “tortured artist” type wasn’t working out for me.

It was time to think outside the dating box.

Carla's usual type is basically Jon Snow from 'Game of Thrones'. (Image: HBO.)

This is where Nate came in. He was as far from my "type" as possible. He was a blonde courier whose main interest was being physically fit. That was about it. Sure, he was nice and funny, but certainly not the cultured intellectual I was used to. There was no way he was going to visit the art gallery with me, for example.

To be totally honest, the main reason why I was interested in Nate was because I'd happened to see him with his shirt off, and he had a six pack. The rest of him was muscly, too. I decided that, for once, I would follow my other instincts and date a guy mostly because he had a "good" body, and because I was physically attracted to him. Maybe cerebral connections were overrated.

Again, Nate was a likeable guy, so dating him wasn't difficult. But for me, my main interest in him stemmed from his buff body.

March 14, 2016

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Looking back, it's absurd that I was with him at all. I didn't find his face to be particularly handsome, and we had few things in common - whether it was hobbies or political beliefs, we were different and even opposed.

I suspected that I was also an exercise in "out of the box" dating for Nate. I wasn't like any of the athletic, skinny, younger party girls he usually courted. If anything, I was that female version of the dark, rock'n'roll-obsessed artist that I usually fancied. We were each fascinated in our obvious differences, and appreciated them. I liked his carefree, fun-loving nature, and he seemed to find me interesting and cultured.

If you've ever watched a rom-com movie, you'd perhaps conclude that our unwavering love for each other managed to cancel out our differences. After all, opposites attract... right?

Celebrities talking about their break ups.

Jennifer Aniston.It was possibly one of the most talked about Hollywood break ups - Jen and Brad. In an interview with Vanity Fair Jen shared her experience, "There are many stages of grief. It's sad, something coming to an end. It cracks you open, in a waycracks you open to feeling. When you try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain. I'm a human being, having a human experience in front of the world. I wish it weren't in front of the world. I try really hard to rise above it." Image via WikiCommons.

Rita Ora.Rita discussed her break up with Calvin Harris in Marie Claire, "It was more of a thing where I was in awe. I was at that point in my relationship where I felt he could do no wrong. I thought he had my back and that he'd never steer me wrong. But then 'I Will Never Let You Down' came out, and everything started to go a bit weird. I don't know if it was because business was mixed with personal or what." Image via Instagram (@ritaora).

Demi Moore.Demi Moore discussed her breakup with Ashton Kutcher with Harpers Bazar - "I used to think that what scared me was the idea of being abandoned until someone said to me, 'Only children can be abandoned. Adults can't be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don't have a choice.' So I started to rethink. 'OK, it's not that. What's the underlying thread that really scares me?' I think what scares me is not having the courage to reach my full potential." Image via Twitter (@justdemi).

Kim Kardashian.On her website, KimKardashian.com Kim shared her breakup with Kris Humphries, "I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn't get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn't know how to and didn't want to disappoint a lot of people." Image via Instagram.

J-Lo."It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest." - Jennifer Lopez on Ben Affleck, in her memoir True Love. Image via Instagram.

Reese Witherspoon"[Divorce is] very humiliating and very isolating... But, by the way, if it's not painful, maybe it wasn't the right decision to marry to begin with." - Elle Magazine. Image via WikiCommons.

Cameron Diaz."When I was going through a bit of a heartbreak a little while ago, I said to a friend, 'Wow, this really hurts!' And he said to me, 'That just shows you what your capacity for loving is.' I would rather have my heart broken a thousand times than never to love at all. I have so much love to give I'm not empty of love, I'm full of love." - Cameron discussing her break up with Alex Rodriguez in InStyle. Image via Instagram.

Katy Perry.During an interview on The Project Katy discussed her break up with Russell Brand - "Sometimes you can be blinded by your extreme emotions. I definitely was looking for answers during that time I wrote that song ["The Grace of God"]. And yeah, I was depressed, and it was sad, and there were thoughts, but there were never actions, thankfully." Image via Instagram.

Taylor Swift."There's just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak, and that will turn out to be what the next album is about. The only way that I can feel better about myself pull myself out of that awful pain of losing someone is writing songs about it to get some sort of clarity." - Taylor Swift, Vogue. Image via Instagram.

Emma Stone."I was crawling on the floor. I remember throwing up. I remember being on the floor... I have never felt anything quite like that. It was so visceral. It's like someone has killed you and you have to live through it and watch it happen. It was awful." - Emma Stone on her first heartbreak, Interview. Image via WikiCommons.

The difference is that this is real life, and one glimpse of a "hot" body does not a relationship make.

In reality, Nate's six pack and other assorted muscles didn't stop him from seeing another girl on the side - and perhaps it was the muscles that made him do it.

But even before I discovered his betrayal, I knew deep down that we didn't have enough of a connection to sustain a healthy relationship. And, seeing as I was (and still am) a committed Christian, there didn't really seem any point in casually dating a guy with a "hot" body if I'd decided to remain a virgin until I was married. Nate and I didn't even kiss, despite his attempts. For all of my lusting over his muscles, I think I only saw him with a shirt off twice.

He was devastated and sorry for cheating and begged me for another chance. In my mind, I knew it was over before anything had really begun. This was possibly my punishment for taking such a shallow approach to dating.

Carla and Jeff dressed up as the ultimate creative power couple: John Lennon and Yoko Ono. (Image: Supplied.)

That was over 10 years ago, and these days I'm happily married to Jeff, with one child and another on the way. Although Jeff's main passion is comedy, he is also a dark-haired musician with a tendency to torment himself with life's big questions. So maybe there is some wisdom in sticking to a "type" after all.

I think that Jeff's body is absolutely perfect. His frame is what I'd describe as "just right" - neither skinny or a muscle-man. But every time he has a moment of self-consciousness about his appearance (as we all do), I'm quick to remind him that having a "hot" body doesn't make you a better or good person - and it's certainly not enough to make a committed or ideal life partner.

I'll let him brood about that one for a while.

Do you have a 'type'? Do you believe that opposites attract?

*Name has been changed.