'Is your light on?' The subtle signal that makes you more approachable.

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Picture this: You're out at a bar, cafe, or social event. You look great, you feel fabulous, and yet... nobody approaches you. Meanwhile, your friend who's having a self-confessed average hair day is getting chatted up left, right, and centre.

What gives?

According to behavioural researcher and author Vanessa Van Edwards, who recently appeared on Jay Shetty's podcast, there's one crucial factor that determines whether someone will approach you, and it's not what most women think.

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Edwards revealed: "Women who didn't signal availability got approached significantly less than those who did signal it."

"Some women who signalled availability got approached more than others who were objectively more conventionally attractive. Availability actually makes you more attractive," she said.

The kicker? Most women have no idea they're not sending this signal, or even what it looks like in practice.

Think of it like the "taxi light theory" Miranda shared on Sex and the City back in the year 2000.

"Men are like cabs: when they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on.

"The next woman they pick up — boom! That's the woman they marry."

The problem? Many of us are unknowingly keeping our dating "taxi light" switched firmly off.

The approach anxiety epidemic.

Relationship expert Nikki Goldstein told Mamamia this makes perfect sense when you consider modern dating dynamics.

"Approaching someone can feel daunting, especially when we're so used to communicating online with the safety of a screen and time to think about how to respond," she explained.

"Everyone has a fear of rejection and that's what could lead someone not to approach another person in the physical setting."

But aren't we all getting jack of dating apps and craving that IRL connection? Well, that will take some IRL action — on both ends.

If the person who wanted to approach was given some signal that it was welcomed and wanted, wouldn't it make things go smoother?

The answer, according to Goldstein, lies in four key areas: eyes, smile, body, and hands.

Listen: The 'taxi light theory' discussed on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.

Your eyes: The ultimate conversation starter.

"You can say so much with your eyes," Goldstein explained. "You can appear to be friendly, welcoming and draw someone in with a gaze."

"All of this can be destroyed if you are sitting somewhere scrolling on your phone. Where would your eyes be focusing? Downwards on the phone and not engaging with others in a room."

And aren't we all incessantly guilty of that?

The fix is surprisingly simple. Look up (from your phone). Look around. Make eye contact with people in the room.

"If there is someone in particular you wouldn't mind encouraging to come say hello, a few glances directly at them as you look around the room can always help to give an extra nudge along the way."

The power of a genuine smile.

"You don't need to sit there like a Cheshire Cat," Goldstein said, "but be mindful that if you appear somewhat friendly, it might help someone approach you."

It's basic psychology really.

"Who wants to take the risk of chatting to someone who looks grumpy and as though they might reject you on first approach? A slight friendly grin on your face can be a great welcome sign."

Body language speaks volumes.

Your posture is sending messages, whether you realise it or not. "Hunched over, turned away from people might not give off such a friendly vibe," Goldstein noted.

"This is also the body posture that can happen again when playing on your phone."

Instead, try shoulders back, head up, and position your body in a way that allows someone to physically approach you more easily.

"If you are somewhere where there are seats, is it easy enough for someone to reach you in order to say hi?"

What your hands are really saying.

This one surprised me. Apparently, our hands can be conversation blockers without us even knowing it.

"The biggest issue is if they are blocking off your body in a way that might signal you are closed for conversation," Goldstein explained.

"Hands folded across your body is a great example of this. Again, your hands on your phone will show the same thing."

If you're nervous, she suggests redirecting that energy: "Try playing with the straw in a drink or playing with your fingers on the same hand."

The taxi light theory in action.

The overall message is beautifully simple: "Consider the signals you are giving physically let someone know if you are open to being approached and friendly enough to at least chat back to someone, wherever that conversation may lead."

It's not about being more attractive in the conventional sense. It's about switching your 'approachability light on' — signalling that you're available for conversation and open to connection.

The next time you're out and wondering why nobody's talking to you, ask yourself: Is your light on? Are you making eye contact, smiling genuinely, keeping your body language open, and your hands free from defensive positions?

And the answer, it seems, to all of these? Let's put down our phones when we're out.

For more from Nikki Goldstein, you can follow her on Instagram here.

Feature Image: Getty.