
Even by today's standards, it was a pretty graphic message to receive on a dating app: "I wanna f**k the shit out of you." Some recipients of that message may have thought, "Yes, I want to f**k the shit out of you too," and good on them if that is their choice. However, for Mirabelle*, 29, who works in horticulture from Sydney, it was just another disheartening dating moment that made her implement a strict, no-sex in the first six-months dating rule.
"I was over guys thinking women exist to be vessels for their d*cks. I don't want d*ck, I want a life partner," she said. "The clearer I get on what I want, the more I know I don't want to have sex outside of a relationship. I want to be in a relationship first before I have sex if that makes sense?"
While it should make perfect sense if that is her choice, and probably does if you've chosen to abstain from sex for cultural or religious reasons. However, if you're in the modern Australian dating scene, where sex usually officially starts the relationship, it may seem like a radical choice.
Especially as the unspoken guideline for sleeping with a potential love interest is the three-date (as popularised by Sex and The City) to six-date max rule. So, these days, six months may seem like an eternity to get to know each other without physicality. Sixty years ago, old mate would have to put in some serious hard courting yakka and possibly put a ring on it. Now, when newly married couples on MAFS aren't "intimate" within the first few weeks, they quickly move to the "John, we've got a problem" narrative position on the couch.
"When deciding when to get intimate, asking yourself if you truly want to have sex or whether it's societal conditioning can be a helpful question," says dating coach Jiveny Blair-West, author of How to Make The Biggest Decision of Your Life?.