Three men. Five dates. Lots of insults. Why dating is a war zone.

I’m doing online dating. It’s a jungle out there.

I’d been in an eight-year relationship that ended when my ex ran off to Malaysia to get married to a woman he was having an online affair with. I know. Don’t get me started.

I’d been single for a year, and my friends were adamant: I had to get out of my comfort zone.

Let me tell you, NOTHING will get you out of your comfort zone faster than some of the dates I’ve had so far. These three encounters were possibly the most uncomfortable meetings I’ve had in my life.

Mr Cankles, 44

This is a bit personal but, hey, we’ve all been there.

I had three dates with Mr C.

The first lasted seven hours. Laughing, listening to music and yes … a bit of a pashing.

The second date was around the Bay Walk in Haberfield, in Sydney. He revealed he tested women online by asking them how many men they’ve slept with to get a sense of the ‘type’ of woman they were. After he finished his story I asked ‘So how did you test me?’ I was giggling as I asked. But his comeback was a bit of a shock: “Why are you making this all about you? And I haven’t even finished telling you my story.”

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Well, there was certainly a clean break in the conversation after that. That was my first red flag, but we were only half way through the 7km walk, so I had nowhere to go.

But I agreed to see him again, two days later, at his place.

We were going to spend some time hanging out, but before I knew it, one thing led to another and it was on. After the ‘event’ we had a shower to get ready for dinner.

He was ‘kind’ enough to wash my back and down my legs.

Then, as he got to my feet he said: “Oh, you have cankles.” Ummmm …

In hindsight, I think I was in shock because I still went to dinner with him. Red flag #2.

Dinner was around the corner from his place, and we walked there and back. He was acting weird, so I asked what was on his mind.

"I don't think I'm comfortable with you staying over tonight," he said.

I explained I had no intention of staying and said he should take a chill pill - we were only hanging out. But I left as soon as I could. That comment was my last red flag.

Needless to say I never saw him again.

The Bus Driver, 40

I'd chatted to this guy online, on the phone and text. Our schedules were crazy, so it took a couple of months to meet up.

He made me laugh on text and his pic was cute. So we met up on a Saturday night.

He'd been drinking with his mates. Red flag #1.

When I got there, he kept disappearing to have a ciggie and chatting to his mates and leaving me with at least one of them. Red flag #2.

You know how people say we should meet someone's friends to get an insight to who they are? His friends were definitely red flag #3.

When I walked outside to tell him I was leaving, he said he was embarrassed about his behaviour and kept apologising. But he did ask what my first impressions were of him.

I told him I couldn't tell him because I hadn't spent time with him. He asked if I'd sit and chat for a while. I'd made the effort to leave the house so I thought 'why not?'

After we exchanged our stories, I mentioned I didn't have kids (even though I'd told him before).

He replied: "If I meet a woman who is over 40 and she doesn't have kids I think - 'why not, what's wrong with you?'"

I couldn't even attempt a polite poker face.

And then he dropped this: "Well, you know, is there something wrong with you?"

He tried to save it with the obvious - "Was it your choice ... " Yadda, yadda, yadda.

He continued to apologise for drinking and my response was simple: "What's done is done. How can you change it now?"

I haven't heard from him since - and I won't be contacting him either.

The Psychologist, 40

We'd had a quick chat online, phone and text.

During our first phone conversation, I told him I was a video producer. Within minutes of hanging up I receive a text asking if I was making a documentary on online dating because he's "a very private person and wouldn't want to end up in one". I assured him as best I could I had never entertained the idea. Red flag #1 (trust issues).

I found out just how private he was on our first date. He'd used a photo of someone else! It could've been him - 20 years ago! Red flag #2 (misleading behaviour).

He started the dinner date by saying: "I won't be talking much tonight. I'm a very quiet guy."

But guess who didn't stop talking all night? Talking about how relationships should work. Talking about what it takes to make them work. I think I had about 10 minutes at the end to share a bit about myself. Red flag #3 (confidence overload).

Apparently that was a cue for him to check out my arse and be very obvious about his approval as we were walking out of the restaurant. He went in for a pash after he got to my car. Insert red flag #3 - again.

It's safe to say I have a love-hate relationship with online dating.

And I'm looking into speed dating next. It might be easier to get a sense of who they are by actually meeting them in the flesh sooner rather than later!

Watch the MMTV video below for some tips for dating over 40.

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Must-watch: Vital tips for dating when you’re over 40.