'Why men in their 20s want to date me, even though I'm twice their age.'

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Melissa* wasn't looking for attention. At 43, she'd only recently separated and decided to dip her toes back into the dating pool. So she went along to a Latin night, keen to enjoy some music and movement and nothing more.

As the evening wore on, a tall, good-looking stranger asked her to dance. She said yes, assuming it would be like all the other dances that night. Then she felt his hand resting lower than expected and looked up, startled. "I'm 20… is that okay?" he asked her.

Melissa was floored. "I told him I was double his age," she said. "But he told me I was hot, and he didn't care."

The boldness of it shocked her. "He'd been drinking, so I wasn't interested in going home with him, but I have to admit, it was flattering," she said. "It gave me this huge confidence boost, especially because I'd only just decided to be open to dating again."

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That was the first of many. Since then, Melissa has been approached regularly by men on dating apps, at bars, even walking out of venues. Sometimes they're upfront about their age, sometimes not. The pattern is always the same: men in their mid-twenties to early thirties, pursuing women who are ten or twenty years older.

"It happens a lot," she said. "At least weekly. On Bumble, on Instagram, in person. Most of the men I engage with are between 27 and 35. I'm even about to meet a 24-year-old who's made his intentions very clear."

Melissa's experience isn't unusual. Take a quick scroll through TikTok, and you'll find no shortage of women in their 40s and 50s talking about the younger men sliding into their DMs or stopping them on the street.

Some wear it as a badge of honour, some find it bemusing, but nearly all agree: it's happening a lot more often.

For many women, like Melissa, the first reaction is disbelief. "At first I was overwhelmed," she admitted. "I couldn't understand why these men were approaching me. But now I have more confidence and I think — of course they're into me. I'm fun, I'm high energy, and I have high standards. Why wouldn't they be?"

She's not the only one who has noticed the shift. Belinda, in her mid-forties, has been dating younger men for as long as she can remember.

"Even in high school I dated younger," she laughed. "But in recent years, the interest from much younger men has definitely become more obvious."

Her first memory of it still makes her smile.

"I remember the first time a younger guy approached me. I just laughed and playfully said, 'Once you've finished chasing those young girls, give me a call,' and handed him my number with a wink," she said.

Belinda is used to it happening when she's travelling, on planes or in hotel bars, where strangers feel emboldened to strike up conversation. Sometimes it leads to dates, sometimes it doesn't. But she says the dynamic is different with younger men.

"They bring a sense of fun and adventure," she said. "They're more relaxed, less likely to come with baggage like ex-wives or kids. They have young skin, stamina, energy. It makes me feel alive."

Why younger men seek older women.

Both women have had younger partners explain their attraction in surprisingly thoughtful terms. Melissa recalls one 24-year-old telling her: "Everything. Literally everything. You can have a good conversation with them.

"They have experience in every aspect of life. You can ask them for an opinion. You can have fun. Looks like women are reborn after 30–35 years old. They have more energy than before. And I have to say, sex with older women is 10000000/10."

Others have told her that older women are more confident, more secure in themselves, and uninterested in drama.

"They don't want to date women their own age because they're not sure what they want, or they're too focused on messing around," Melissa said. "With older women, they know they're dealing with someone accomplished, stable, and emotionally aware."

Belinda agreed: "Younger men tell me all the time that older women are more confident and determined. They've lived longer, they know themselves. They're financially stable, and they don't need to play games. It's appealing."

More than just sex.

Of course, sex is part of the story. Both women talk about the energy and enthusiasm younger partners bring to the bedroom. "So much fun, so much sex," Melissa said. "But it's not just that, it's fun sex. It's playful, experimental, exciting. And sometimes, with the ones who have emotional maturity, you get the best of both worlds."

While Melissa prefers these encounters to be casual, the men don't always feel the same way.

"Honestly, a lot of the younger men I've dated were the ones pushing for something more serious," Melissa said. "I usually went into it thinking casual, but many of them were open to commitment."

Belinda's take is more sceptical. "They say casual at first, then they want to own you like all men," she says. But even then, she insists, the age gap doesn't feel like the main challenge.

"The real issue is how other people react. Friends, family, even strangers can side-eye you, like you're walking around with your son. But my friends? They say, 'Go girl.' They just want me to be happy," she said.

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Shifting stigma.

For decades, older men dating younger women has been normalised, while the reverse often carries stigma.

"I think it's shifting," Belinda said. "But people still look. They can't help themselves. They're not used to it."

Melissa, on the other hand, sees it as part of a bigger wave of female empowerment. "It's helped me feel sexier than I've felt since I was 21. I have more energy, more confidence. I've found my sense of adventure again, in life and in the bedroom. It's helped me step into my divine feminine energy. It's made me believe that I really am as attractive and intelligent and fun as they say I am."

For women like Melissa and Belinda, it's about more than dating. It's about rediscovering confidence, energy, and joy at a stage of life that once carried the stereotype of decline. Belinda's advice to women surprised by younger suitors is simple: "Go for it girl! You can have a wonderful time with younger men who are mature and work hard to achieve their goals. They want you, then accept they're attracted to you!"

Melissa agrees. "Enjoy this stage with gentle curiosity. You are as attractive, interesting and sexy as they say you are, probably more. They see your energy. They see your delight. Let them help you rediscover it in yourself."

*Melissa's name has been changed.

Feature Image: Supplied.