'I started dating a chef. I wasn’t prepared for what came next.'

If you've watched The Bear, you'll know there's nothing sexy about the way Carmy Berzatto's kitchen runs.

Plates smash, tempers flare, and people lose sleep, skin, and sanity in the relentless pursuit of a perfect dish. It's a world that's raw, chaotic, and driven by passion, and while the show doesn't set out to be a romance, it quietly reveals what it's like to love someone whose first love will often be the kitchen.

Since The Bear exploded in popularity, the cultural fantasy of the "hot chef" has only grown stronger. The knives, the tattoos, the late nights, the way Carmy Berzatto broods over a pot of sauce like it might save him from himself.

Watch: The Bear Season 3 Official Trailer. Post continues after video.

But what is the reality of dating a chef? And how does it differ from the brooding stares and perfectly plated dishes we see on screen?

Yen Trinh knows the answer better than most. She met her husband in Brisbane while he was working as a head chef.

"I was in a very nine-to-five corporate world. I wasn't a foodie at all. I didn't know that he was working at Noma."

Noma is a Copenhagen-based restaurant led by chef René Redzepi, and has been recognised as the "number one" restaurant globally multiple times.

Yen quickly learned the reality of chef-life.

"It was very different in terms of hours. It's a lot of nights. It's a lot of weekends that nine-to-five people aren't working."

During the early years, Yen didn't mind. She liked her independence, liked spending time with friends without worrying if her partner would be waiting at home.

"I quite enjoyed being independent. I like spending time by myself, so I could still go out with all my friends without that pressure.

"You can't change the hours, so having your own thing going on helps."

Then, during the COVID pandemic, Yen and her partner opened a restaurant together. And it opened her eyes to all parts of the industry.

"Only chef partners see the best and worst of it through your partner. One of the things that doesn't get talked about is the mental health of the industry and the online reviews.

"At that time, we got some fairly negative stuff, and I was just really mad and frustrated that people didn't see people in the business as humans. I think that happens a lot in hospitality. I was like hey, there are humans behind these businesses, there are couples."

So, she started Chef Widow Club, a project designed to reveal the human stories behind the hospitality industry.

A "chef widow" is a person who is in a relationship with a chef and who never sees them because they work unsociable hours, so much so that they may as well be a widow, according to Yen's website.

She connected with 100 chef couples to hear about their experiences, both the good and the bad.

Mia Goreng, personally, falls into the latter camp. She dated a chef for seven years, and while she'll always remember the meals, the quiet moments over wine in the kitchen at midnight, she says she wouldn't do it again.

"When you're a day-walker dating a night-walker, it's definitely not all it's cracked up to be. Needless to say, I probably wouldn't date a chef again," she told Mamamia.

She then listed off the realities: "They work long hours, sometimes doubles, and are understandably tired after work. There's the conflict of schedules and trying to find time for each other. It's a high-stress job, so they're often stressed or overworked."

The physical risks are real too. "They are subject to accidents or incidents at work. Burning themselves, I've even heard of a colleague of theirs having a knife go through their shoe."

And then there's the emotional toll. "It's very easy to drift apart and have a relationship where there's a lot of hyper-independence."

Sebastian Garrido_, who once dated a chef, loved the food she cooked for him, loved how she would test out new dishes on him, turning his kitchen into a private tasting menu every week.

"Every week, she made me try some new dishes they were preparing, and it was the best culinary experience," he said.

But even that joy was overshadowed by the stress. "The worst part was that sometimes we couldn't have 'regular' dates because of her shifts, and she was stressed out all the time, so she would always take it out on me."

And yet, Yen stresses the positives that come out of being a "chef widow", and the importance of how couples complement and support each other when one partner's life revolves around the kitchen. It's not just about coping with late nights or missed weekends; it's about finding a rhythm together and taking pride in each other's purpose.

"The industry is full of such passionate, talented people with lots of stories and so much hard work and fresh dedication to the craft," she said.

"There are people and families behind these businesses. I think that a lot of the celebrity chef culture, you only see one person. And that's actually not really the case of how a venue or a chef works. There's a whole team behind them. There are partners behind them. There's all this support network that happens."

So, if The Bear teaches us anything, it's that while the kitchen will always demand everything from those who love it, it's the people supporting them who help make it possible.

Feature Image: Instagram/@yenttrinh

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